So, the world did not end, but then, nobody really expected it to, did they? I hoped for a change though.... I guess though, looking back is the only way to judge true change and when big changes are afoot, it is often hard to judge the pivotal moment. I wanted to feel the Dreamworlds come closer to our reality. There is still plenty of time for things to happen, there is plenty happening. So many bad things that to a stable, happy civilization looking back on our history of right now would be amazed.
This has been a tough week for me. I have been pretty ill, probably with food poisoning which has left me with an oversensitive stomach. What was hardest though was it threw me sideways, literally. I had vertigo to begin with and then just poor balance. Even now a week later my balance does not feel quite right. The world feels a little wrong. And part of me wonders if that connects somehow to the changing of the ages...
Then work announced redundancies. Yes my job is in danger, but even sadder is the fact that my little work family will be broken up. Things will not be easy for however stays either. Part of me considers what I would do if I was let go and I am not sure it would be such a bad thing.... I like the idea of having a couple of different part time jobs and doing different things.
I guess it doesn't matter if the world has changed or not, I have and F has too. And we are going to keep on changing, walking forward on this path.
Showing posts with label Spiritual. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spiritual. Show all posts
Saturday, 22 December 2012
Friday, 14 December 2012
Breakthrough
So the lovely Suzi recently said in an email that she felt like I would have 'a massive breakthrough at some point' and it occurred to me I have... In fact there has been a couple... but sometimes the hard thing is working out what they mean and how to bring those words into the waking world and what sense they make here, if that is clear to anyone!
A while back I started suffering from nightmares. I found this scary because I have never had dreams that dealt with fears where I have been very scared before, not even as a child. My sister would drift through my room to my parents bedroom, pale as a ghost. i used to be quite envious of the excuse to go sleep with Mum and Dad, and so, sometimes when I was awake in the night and wanted to sleep with them, I would imagine bad things to summon up a few tears...
So suddenly to find myself dreaming nasty things was a challenge. I began to wonder and worry about what these dreams were saying about the state of my mental health! A girl who bumped into an old college friend and accepted the offer of dinner to catch up only to discover he had always been fixated on her and had become a serial killer, killing girls like her... The little boy kidnapped... The teenage girl left alone in an airport, with no ticket but after security.... The couple killed in their home.... There was no actual bad endins though, because I was able to twist the story away from the truly awful and help the main characters escape.
Then one night I dreamt I was in my bedroom lying on my bed but it was a glorious day and the room was flooded with sunlight. I turned to look at the person next to me and it turned out to be my spirit guide. He told me not to worry, that I was dreaming the fears of my ancestors. And after that, I stopped worrying that this was my unhealthy mind and accepted that these were not my fears, not my scenarios.
For a couple of weeks my dreams were filled with fearful scenarios but as I stopped blocking them and worrying about them, this was no longer a problem. Some of the dreams could even be pinpointed to whereabouts they would have come from. In one dream, a lady was driving a delivery van but it carried important cargo. She was stopped by a police officer who turned out to be with the enemy but she was able to defend herself and get the cargo away. In the Second World War, my Grandfather was a driver. I imagine he transported all sorts of things around and i can also imagine my Gran thinking up all sorts of scenarios....
I recently started reading Robert Moss's The Dreamers Book of the Dead: A Soul Traveler's Guide to Death, Dying and the Other Side. One thing he says is that sometimes we need to use our imaginations for the dead. I think this is what I have been doing. I think some of my Ancestors have been trapped in a recurring nightmare that goes round and round and they just don't know how to escape. I think I have been dreaming them ways out.
The best example I have of this was the falling dream. In this dream, not surprisingly, I was falling with another person. We would fall towards the ground and then, just before we hit we would pass through a gate and fall all over again. I tried all sorts of possible ways of getting us out of there.... I remember one of them was a helicopter free falling by us and trying to pull us in but the danger of the propellers and matching speeds made it impossible. In the end, a couple of men with parachutes jumped out and fell with us and caught us to them and strapped us to them and brought us safely down.
Can you imagine falling, over and over, unable to think of a way out?
I think dreaming fears is linked to my having passed the Spider Gate. I wonder how passing other gates would affect my dreaming?
The other breakthrough involved a dream where I was eating in a mediterranean restaurant. I was talking to the waiter and I told him I didn't know what I was. He was surprised and disappeared into the back and came back with his Grandmother. She placed her finger on my third eye and shut her eyes. When she was done, she opened them and told me I was a Walker, A Weaver and a Shifter.
I have only the vaguest idea of what these things mean really and I have even less idea about what benefits they can have in the physical world. They seem to me, to be very much talents of the inbetween, of the Dreamer. That too makes sense too, because the wind at the heart of my circle is the Dreamer and my totem for this is the Crow.
A Dreamwalker is one who can walk into the dreams of others. I know I do this. I walk through their dreams, their stories and I wear their bodies and think their thoughts. But I don't understand the subtleties of this and you can be sure there are some. I feel quite strongly that these are well defined talents with hidden depths whose paths we have lost somewhat or are only remembered by a few. I also find it easy to navigate the dream world on journeys. Once I have been somewhere I can get to and from that place very easily on future occasions. I just open a door and step through. There are hints that many Native American Indians just vanished when White Men came, that they stepped through the veil, opened a door and went elsewhere.
A Shifter, obviously shifts shape and again this is something I do. I often wear feathers to travel in journeys and I have twice danced the elements at the Equinox in the shape of a Dragon. Many books talk of how Native American Indians used to be able to shift shape with ease, in this reality.
A Weaver is the less obvious I think but before the dream I had a journey at Samhain. We were to connect with an ancient Ancestor, back in the dawns of time, we were to make our way to an ancestral cave. I did this and got a little more than I bargained for. I met with an adept in a dark hole in the back of a cave. He was quite a character and told me off if I started to drift or lose focus. He told me how Spider Woman wove the worlds into being. He showed me her web, how everything is made from the same huge giant web, twisted and curved and prodded and pulled into all the shapes of everything we are, connected. He showed me how to unpick as well as how to breath spirits through the web into a shape.
My suspicion that this must be what a Weaver is was confirmed by Robert Moss's book, he talks of how in many of the lands of the dead, the matter is formed using imagination from an underlying grey material which is plastic in form. His description of the material was familiar although different - it is so hard to describe impossible things! He called the people who make things over in this realm of Memorydream, Weavers.
So I have been gifted with three talents and they all relate directly to the dreaming. I have a vague idea of what they are, but no idea of the deeper meanings. I have no idea whether or not I can affect anything in the waking world in the slightest. Of course, if we lived in the dreaming then things would be very different indeed. I know I can help myself with these gifts, that they make journeying and dreaming easier for me and that I learn a lot from both, but I have no idea how I can help others in reality and I have a lack of active control although I think the Dreamer in me knows exactly what it is doing and does it, when the conscious me does not get in the way!
I think spider links into my life now in several ways. I think Crow is beautiful and I know that Dreaming is the best gift of all.
A while back I started suffering from nightmares. I found this scary because I have never had dreams that dealt with fears where I have been very scared before, not even as a child. My sister would drift through my room to my parents bedroom, pale as a ghost. i used to be quite envious of the excuse to go sleep with Mum and Dad, and so, sometimes when I was awake in the night and wanted to sleep with them, I would imagine bad things to summon up a few tears...
So suddenly to find myself dreaming nasty things was a challenge. I began to wonder and worry about what these dreams were saying about the state of my mental health! A girl who bumped into an old college friend and accepted the offer of dinner to catch up only to discover he had always been fixated on her and had become a serial killer, killing girls like her... The little boy kidnapped... The teenage girl left alone in an airport, with no ticket but after security.... The couple killed in their home.... There was no actual bad endins though, because I was able to twist the story away from the truly awful and help the main characters escape.
Then one night I dreamt I was in my bedroom lying on my bed but it was a glorious day and the room was flooded with sunlight. I turned to look at the person next to me and it turned out to be my spirit guide. He told me not to worry, that I was dreaming the fears of my ancestors. And after that, I stopped worrying that this was my unhealthy mind and accepted that these were not my fears, not my scenarios.
For a couple of weeks my dreams were filled with fearful scenarios but as I stopped blocking them and worrying about them, this was no longer a problem. Some of the dreams could even be pinpointed to whereabouts they would have come from. In one dream, a lady was driving a delivery van but it carried important cargo. She was stopped by a police officer who turned out to be with the enemy but she was able to defend herself and get the cargo away. In the Second World War, my Grandfather was a driver. I imagine he transported all sorts of things around and i can also imagine my Gran thinking up all sorts of scenarios....
I recently started reading Robert Moss's The Dreamers Book of the Dead: A Soul Traveler's Guide to Death, Dying and the Other Side. One thing he says is that sometimes we need to use our imaginations for the dead. I think this is what I have been doing. I think some of my Ancestors have been trapped in a recurring nightmare that goes round and round and they just don't know how to escape. I think I have been dreaming them ways out.
The best example I have of this was the falling dream. In this dream, not surprisingly, I was falling with another person. We would fall towards the ground and then, just before we hit we would pass through a gate and fall all over again. I tried all sorts of possible ways of getting us out of there.... I remember one of them was a helicopter free falling by us and trying to pull us in but the danger of the propellers and matching speeds made it impossible. In the end, a couple of men with parachutes jumped out and fell with us and caught us to them and strapped us to them and brought us safely down.
Can you imagine falling, over and over, unable to think of a way out?
I think dreaming fears is linked to my having passed the Spider Gate. I wonder how passing other gates would affect my dreaming?
The other breakthrough involved a dream where I was eating in a mediterranean restaurant. I was talking to the waiter and I told him I didn't know what I was. He was surprised and disappeared into the back and came back with his Grandmother. She placed her finger on my third eye and shut her eyes. When she was done, she opened them and told me I was a Walker, A Weaver and a Shifter.
I have only the vaguest idea of what these things mean really and I have even less idea about what benefits they can have in the physical world. They seem to me, to be very much talents of the inbetween, of the Dreamer. That too makes sense too, because the wind at the heart of my circle is the Dreamer and my totem for this is the Crow.
A Dreamwalker is one who can walk into the dreams of others. I know I do this. I walk through their dreams, their stories and I wear their bodies and think their thoughts. But I don't understand the subtleties of this and you can be sure there are some. I feel quite strongly that these are well defined talents with hidden depths whose paths we have lost somewhat or are only remembered by a few. I also find it easy to navigate the dream world on journeys. Once I have been somewhere I can get to and from that place very easily on future occasions. I just open a door and step through. There are hints that many Native American Indians just vanished when White Men came, that they stepped through the veil, opened a door and went elsewhere.
A Shifter, obviously shifts shape and again this is something I do. I often wear feathers to travel in journeys and I have twice danced the elements at the Equinox in the shape of a Dragon. Many books talk of how Native American Indians used to be able to shift shape with ease, in this reality.
A Weaver is the less obvious I think but before the dream I had a journey at Samhain. We were to connect with an ancient Ancestor, back in the dawns of time, we were to make our way to an ancestral cave. I did this and got a little more than I bargained for. I met with an adept in a dark hole in the back of a cave. He was quite a character and told me off if I started to drift or lose focus. He told me how Spider Woman wove the worlds into being. He showed me her web, how everything is made from the same huge giant web, twisted and curved and prodded and pulled into all the shapes of everything we are, connected. He showed me how to unpick as well as how to breath spirits through the web into a shape.
My suspicion that this must be what a Weaver is was confirmed by Robert Moss's book, he talks of how in many of the lands of the dead, the matter is formed using imagination from an underlying grey material which is plastic in form. His description of the material was familiar although different - it is so hard to describe impossible things! He called the people who make things over in this realm of Memorydream, Weavers.
So I have been gifted with three talents and they all relate directly to the dreaming. I have a vague idea of what they are, but no idea of the deeper meanings. I have no idea whether or not I can affect anything in the waking world in the slightest. Of course, if we lived in the dreaming then things would be very different indeed. I know I can help myself with these gifts, that they make journeying and dreaming easier for me and that I learn a lot from both, but I have no idea how I can help others in reality and I have a lack of active control although I think the Dreamer in me knows exactly what it is doing and does it, when the conscious me does not get in the way!
I think spider links into my life now in several ways. I think Crow is beautiful and I know that Dreaming is the best gift of all.
Thursday, 6 December 2012
Life Balance
So F got home just as I was finishing my last post and I told him I was going to drum for a bit. My drum is amazing... It may not have the loudest 'sound' in the audible sense. In a group, it definately does not shout the loudest. But those lower sounds the ones you hear as much as you feel, there it really, really packs a punch. And she sang last night.
Ok so I find it hard right now to maintain the drumming but I am sure I will get better and my journey last night din' require me to be that deep or focused. There was no words I might miss if I wavered a little.
From my tree all this black stuff flowed from me and it turned into a river and carried me away and then into an ocean or lake, covering the land as far as I could see. It was sticky and thick as tar and I was held fast. Crows came and landed on me and pecked at me, particularly my umbilical cord.
It was a journey where I needed to figure out what to do. First I tried diving down in to the tar which failed. Then I called on the tiny dragon who lives inside me to burn it away. I ended up back on top and it was all burning and drying out but not diminishing. So I called on the rain to put the fire out and the tar rehydrated too. I knew I could not fly away for the tar held me tight and would have made my wings horrid.
I was stuck, so I thought about what I was, what gifts I have in the dreaming and I remembered weaving. So I took a ball of black that was my angst at my colleague and blew a bird spirit into it and it flew away. I did this for my feelings towards my Boss and any other pieces of negativity I could think of.
When I was done the black was gone and I could see land around me, bare and naked. So I breathed some of the good things about me and my life through and made plants. Some fo them were little trees straight away and the birds came back to live there.
I guess what I worked through was that you can change how your emotions look and feel but unless you transform what they are actually made of into something else, then you are still stuck. I tried thinking my way through, avoidance, anger and cleansing in effect. You can also see it as calling on the four elements... but only the fifth could help. I feel much better today and I felt much better straight away.
I think these techniques are incredibly powerful, dreaming, journeying, visualization, anything that takes you to where ever it is we go, where ever you think that might be.
Ok so I find it hard right now to maintain the drumming but I am sure I will get better and my journey last night din' require me to be that deep or focused. There was no words I might miss if I wavered a little.
From my tree all this black stuff flowed from me and it turned into a river and carried me away and then into an ocean or lake, covering the land as far as I could see. It was sticky and thick as tar and I was held fast. Crows came and landed on me and pecked at me, particularly my umbilical cord.
It was a journey where I needed to figure out what to do. First I tried diving down in to the tar which failed. Then I called on the tiny dragon who lives inside me to burn it away. I ended up back on top and it was all burning and drying out but not diminishing. So I called on the rain to put the fire out and the tar rehydrated too. I knew I could not fly away for the tar held me tight and would have made my wings horrid.
I was stuck, so I thought about what I was, what gifts I have in the dreaming and I remembered weaving. So I took a ball of black that was my angst at my colleague and blew a bird spirit into it and it flew away. I did this for my feelings towards my Boss and any other pieces of negativity I could think of.
When I was done the black was gone and I could see land around me, bare and naked. So I breathed some of the good things about me and my life through and made plants. Some fo them were little trees straight away and the birds came back to live there.
I guess what I worked through was that you can change how your emotions look and feel but unless you transform what they are actually made of into something else, then you are still stuck. I tried thinking my way through, avoidance, anger and cleansing in effect. You can also see it as calling on the four elements... but only the fifth could help. I feel much better today and I felt much better straight away.
I think these techniques are incredibly powerful, dreaming, journeying, visualization, anything that takes you to where ever it is we go, where ever you think that might be.
Sunday, 23 September 2012
Hanging in the Balance
So I am feeling quiet right now. This happens every so often and this time of year is a point when it often does. It is nearing my Birthday, my personal year end and year beginning and things are ending and beginning all around me. A lot of the stories I just don't want to talk about yet because I don't have the ends, but other things I just don't seem to want to talk about.
Maybe there is just too much going on that I have not figured out exactly. Maybe I just have too many feelings. I woke up grumpy this morning, unable to get back to sleep at 6.30. This is not to say life is bad... quite the opposite. But I am avoiding people. I am not leaving blog comments or comments on facebook or elsewhere that I should. I am not returning my Mum's calls.
Maybe that's because they are moving out of my soul home sometime over the next couple of weeks and I just don't know what to say.
Maybe it's because my sister upset me when she was down and although everything is OK, the hurt remains a little and I don't want to have to tell my Mum what happened and have her try and mediate, because there is nothing to mediate.
Maybe it's because my dosage has been doubled and I don't want to have to analyse how I am doing to tell people where I am at yet, I don't know and I am taking each day as it comes.
Maybe it's because I am avoiding making some decisions about when and how to spend a lot of money visiting friends and there just won't be time to visit my folks in there too.
Maybe it's because I have not even discussed those visits with F yet.
Maybe it's because I have been having some really, really dark dreams which suggest that all the hard work I have done on myself over the years is not finished and because I have no idea how to resolve the next step. But maybe the signs are that also, this is nearing the end of it....
Maybe it's because it's 2012 and the world feels like it's shifting under my feet a little, maybe I am scared of what might happen a little, I don't know, maybe I am scared nothing at all will happen....
Maybe despite my absolute joy over my friends newly announced pregnancy, maybe it just brings home to me that babies are still some way off for me, due to health, if they ever come at all...
But in that list, there is nothing I can not deal with and won't deal with, I am just very much in a lying low period.
On the good side however...
I went to an amazing drum circle. Different circles have different energies and feelings, in part because of the different work you do at each circle. There was a lot of new people at this one but it was also focusing on balance for the Equinox. The feeling was absolutely blissful, with out being spacey, it was a really beautiful afternoon. My journeys were nothing earth shattering, which is fine right now. In fact my main journey repeated the journey I had for the Spring Equinox. I danced through the elements and then danced into my Dragon. The Dragon has been my totem for this year as it is my totem for Breaking Masks. It was lovely, but it was not about me so much. Maybe dancing the elements with my Dragon is something that should be done every Equinox, I am sure if it is, I shall find myself on this journey again.
We also did little journeys for someone else. The person I worked with did not so much journey for me as do some healing on me, and it was lovely and I could feel it and I think I needed it more than a journey right now. My journey for them, did not seem like much to me, but when I told them, it turned out to be a message they had been given before and it was greatly appreciated.
A friend at the circle is a felter and is going to show me how to felt. While talking she told me about a Swan shawl she made with Swan feathers felted into it. of course I want a corvid shawl now, and the Magpies have been really, really generous this week....
All my birds are doing fine, and I was most surprised when I looked up from my book the other day, to admire the flock of jackdaws, the Crows and the Magpies, to see a new comer.... I had my first Rook! It is a like a little Corvid social party *laugh* I have never seen a Rook in that area, so how it found it's way there I have no idea, maybe he heard from his Cousins. I imagine he will be back, probably with friends. What was surprising though was that even though it was his first time there with me sat only about two meters away, he took his cue from the others and was completely unphased by me
My hair has changed colour, from purple with neon purple splodges to blue black with violet and neon purple that makes it looke like it has an ultraviolet sheen. I like it. Next time I may have blue and green and look like a Magpie....
I am feeling better, but I am still waiting and I guess part of me is waiting for me to dip down again. Things feel steadier this time but all I can do is wait.
But something really, really amazing is in the process of coming my way, something I have been waiting for, for some time. Something I am bursting with excitement over! And I can't wait to bring that story together....
Life IS good
Maybe there is just too much going on that I have not figured out exactly. Maybe I just have too many feelings. I woke up grumpy this morning, unable to get back to sleep at 6.30. This is not to say life is bad... quite the opposite. But I am avoiding people. I am not leaving blog comments or comments on facebook or elsewhere that I should. I am not returning my Mum's calls.
Maybe that's because they are moving out of my soul home sometime over the next couple of weeks and I just don't know what to say.
Maybe it's because my sister upset me when she was down and although everything is OK, the hurt remains a little and I don't want to have to tell my Mum what happened and have her try and mediate, because there is nothing to mediate.
Maybe it's because my dosage has been doubled and I don't want to have to analyse how I am doing to tell people where I am at yet, I don't know and I am taking each day as it comes.
Maybe it's because I am avoiding making some decisions about when and how to spend a lot of money visiting friends and there just won't be time to visit my folks in there too.
Maybe it's because I have not even discussed those visits with F yet.
Maybe it's because I have been having some really, really dark dreams which suggest that all the hard work I have done on myself over the years is not finished and because I have no idea how to resolve the next step. But maybe the signs are that also, this is nearing the end of it....
Maybe it's because it's 2012 and the world feels like it's shifting under my feet a little, maybe I am scared of what might happen a little, I don't know, maybe I am scared nothing at all will happen....
Maybe despite my absolute joy over my friends newly announced pregnancy, maybe it just brings home to me that babies are still some way off for me, due to health, if they ever come at all...
But in that list, there is nothing I can not deal with and won't deal with, I am just very much in a lying low period.
On the good side however...
I went to an amazing drum circle. Different circles have different energies and feelings, in part because of the different work you do at each circle. There was a lot of new people at this one but it was also focusing on balance for the Equinox. The feeling was absolutely blissful, with out being spacey, it was a really beautiful afternoon. My journeys were nothing earth shattering, which is fine right now. In fact my main journey repeated the journey I had for the Spring Equinox. I danced through the elements and then danced into my Dragon. The Dragon has been my totem for this year as it is my totem for Breaking Masks. It was lovely, but it was not about me so much. Maybe dancing the elements with my Dragon is something that should be done every Equinox, I am sure if it is, I shall find myself on this journey again.
We also did little journeys for someone else. The person I worked with did not so much journey for me as do some healing on me, and it was lovely and I could feel it and I think I needed it more than a journey right now. My journey for them, did not seem like much to me, but when I told them, it turned out to be a message they had been given before and it was greatly appreciated.
A friend at the circle is a felter and is going to show me how to felt. While talking she told me about a Swan shawl she made with Swan feathers felted into it. of course I want a corvid shawl now, and the Magpies have been really, really generous this week....
All my birds are doing fine, and I was most surprised when I looked up from my book the other day, to admire the flock of jackdaws, the Crows and the Magpies, to see a new comer.... I had my first Rook! It is a like a little Corvid social party *laugh* I have never seen a Rook in that area, so how it found it's way there I have no idea, maybe he heard from his Cousins. I imagine he will be back, probably with friends. What was surprising though was that even though it was his first time there with me sat only about two meters away, he took his cue from the others and was completely unphased by me
My hair has changed colour, from purple with neon purple splodges to blue black with violet and neon purple that makes it looke like it has an ultraviolet sheen. I like it. Next time I may have blue and green and look like a Magpie....
I am feeling better, but I am still waiting and I guess part of me is waiting for me to dip down again. Things feel steadier this time but all I can do is wait.
But something really, really amazing is in the process of coming my way, something I have been waiting for, for some time. Something I am bursting with excitement over! And I can't wait to bring that story together....
Life IS good
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Do and Done
Life seems full of possibilities again suddenly as I contemplate actually having energy to do some of the things I want to....
On our landing there is a small table which currently just acts as a junk holder which I would like to transform into a little mini shrine. It used to be one but then I used it for painting BIG and it never turned back into one.
I want to get my Hearthstone and clean it up. I want to add another layer of paint to it - maybe a Medicine Wheel. For my Wedding I made a Wish Tree out of modeling wire wrapped with masking tape and then painted. I want to get this tree and wrap it's roots around my Hearthstone. I have a silk scarf I painted way back when that I used to use as a cloth for this table. I have the little Goddess statue I made and the little Rabbit I brought and stones. I have feathers I would like to hang in the tree.
There is a nice strip of wall above the table and I want to put each Moon's Dreamboard up there in turn. I also want to collect prints of each of the pictures I have for each Moon and put them up on this piece of wall. A long time ago a couple of postcards came to me, one of a giant tree growing up out of a city road intersection, another of a dying city with a huge tulip growing up and out. I think these belong here too. Maybe some photos of some of my Ancestors too. Maybe some seasonal touches as well to show how things are moving along.
I also last Moon brought some smudge and a book called Sacred Smoke. i think my house needs a good cleansing, that we have let it get a bit stagnant and full. But I have not had the energy to do it! Which seems ironic.
Last week in Tesco, I spotted a book called Paranormal Cornwall which was quite interesting. In the back it listed a book called Ley Lines of the South West which sounded very interesting to me. I looked it up and it is basically a small pamphlet style book produced by a local press and it was listed by a local bookshop. I had a half day yesterday to visit the Doctor so I decided to go and see them and they were able to get it for me later on yesterday afternoon. So I can go and pick it up today.
I also have been looking at the things I need to get on and do and these included visiting a graveyard for stories and so I decided to just get on and do this too and set it as something I was going to do without fail before my appointment yesterday. And I did do it! It felt wierd and I am not sure about what I picked up but I do feel much calmer for having done it....
On our landing there is a small table which currently just acts as a junk holder which I would like to transform into a little mini shrine. It used to be one but then I used it for painting BIG and it never turned back into one.
I want to get my Hearthstone and clean it up. I want to add another layer of paint to it - maybe a Medicine Wheel. For my Wedding I made a Wish Tree out of modeling wire wrapped with masking tape and then painted. I want to get this tree and wrap it's roots around my Hearthstone. I have a silk scarf I painted way back when that I used to use as a cloth for this table. I have the little Goddess statue I made and the little Rabbit I brought and stones. I have feathers I would like to hang in the tree.
There is a nice strip of wall above the table and I want to put each Moon's Dreamboard up there in turn. I also want to collect prints of each of the pictures I have for each Moon and put them up on this piece of wall. A long time ago a couple of postcards came to me, one of a giant tree growing up out of a city road intersection, another of a dying city with a huge tulip growing up and out. I think these belong here too. Maybe some photos of some of my Ancestors too. Maybe some seasonal touches as well to show how things are moving along.
I also last Moon brought some smudge and a book called Sacred Smoke. i think my house needs a good cleansing, that we have let it get a bit stagnant and full. But I have not had the energy to do it! Which seems ironic.
Last week in Tesco, I spotted a book called Paranormal Cornwall which was quite interesting. In the back it listed a book called Ley Lines of the South West which sounded very interesting to me. I looked it up and it is basically a small pamphlet style book produced by a local press and it was listed by a local bookshop. I had a half day yesterday to visit the Doctor so I decided to go and see them and they were able to get it for me later on yesterday afternoon. So I can go and pick it up today.
I also have been looking at the things I need to get on and do and these included visiting a graveyard for stories and so I decided to just get on and do this too and set it as something I was going to do without fail before my appointment yesterday. And I did do it! It felt wierd and I am not sure about what I picked up but I do feel much calmer for having done it....
Sunday, 1 April 2012
Fear, Again
I had a job to do yesterday - I needed to go into town and get the finishing bits for a friends costume for her Hen Party. So I went into town. I don't often go. I don't overly enjoy shopping although I love buying. I find it hard to find things I want in town, they don't have the books I really want or clothes that fit me.
I like shopping with F. Mind you, I like doing pretty much anything with F. Everything is more fun with him....
F however needed his hair cut so we went our separate ways and I started trawling charity shops. The first thing that caught my eye was a pink cotton top in my size. Did I buy it. No. I couldn't really find anything to make into the costume but I went to look at the Cd's and books. As my eye flew across the rack certain things began to jump out at me. The Crow, Wings, Elegance... It was like being in a random omen generator and I started to feel a bit dizzy. Too much. I got scared.
So I went and got some cash and some food, which I ate, then I worked my way down, charity shop to charity shop with a couple of detours to bookshops. I bought Twitchiking - the story of a man who used to Twitter to raise money for charity and get to the otherside of the world. I saw it full price first and it jumped out at me when I saw it cut price...
But I couldn't find anything in the charity shops and I started to lose heart. Then I would hear a Jackdaw fly over calling to me. Believe. Believe. I did lose heart. By the end... Then I saw the little alternative shop and I had to go in.
I chatted to the lady a little and three things drew me. First that little bing went off in my head at a small pink object, when I picked it up, it was a small pink rabbit. Next Clary Sage essential oil jumped out at me so I asked what it was for.... She said depression and uplifting and bringing on childbirth. I looked it up this morning and if she had included it's properties for the skin and menstruation regulation I would have brought it.
Lastly a lovely woolen shawl drew me in. Now ideas for my costume (cowgirl) at work included wearing a poncho. The shawl had the look of a poncho and I tried it on and it was lovely. A lovely long rectangle that had been torn halfway, so that a long bit went down your back and two thin long bits down your arms and front.
I didn't buy it. I didn't buy anything. I went home. The lady told me she hopped I found what I was looking for. I think she could see my defeat and loss of energy and enthusiasm. I was not feeling good at all.
OK so I used to suffer from agoraphobia and depression so I was kinda thinking about such things when I got home. But mostly I was so tired! I joked with F that maybe I should make myself go shopping alone every weekend..
Later that evening I picked a couple of medicine cards. One was Armadillo. As I read about it, the very last line jumped out at me - about being sure depression you may feel is yours. It was all about defenses and boundaries. So maybe when I go shopping like that and I am all open because I am looking for possibilities and omens, maybe I am too open.
I think F acts as a buffer. I find other people easier when he is there. I can interact comfortably with large groups of strangers. Maybe I get included in his boundaries somehow. Maybe his love recharges and protects me.
My joke about going into town until I can do it comfortably and with ease is not such a bad one. Maybe I need to learn the hard way just like I did with my Boss. Maybe I just need to practice.
Anyway. I have decided to go back and buy the rabbit, the sage and the shawl. I may even go back and get the pink top. It took sometime to regenerate my reserves yesterday, maybe I shouldn't make myself go from one end of town to the other every time...
But you know, this makes me wonder what was really going on when I felt agoraphobic in my younger days.
I like shopping with F. Mind you, I like doing pretty much anything with F. Everything is more fun with him....
F however needed his hair cut so we went our separate ways and I started trawling charity shops. The first thing that caught my eye was a pink cotton top in my size. Did I buy it. No. I couldn't really find anything to make into the costume but I went to look at the Cd's and books. As my eye flew across the rack certain things began to jump out at me. The Crow, Wings, Elegance... It was like being in a random omen generator and I started to feel a bit dizzy. Too much. I got scared.
So I went and got some cash and some food, which I ate, then I worked my way down, charity shop to charity shop with a couple of detours to bookshops. I bought Twitchiking - the story of a man who used to Twitter to raise money for charity and get to the otherside of the world. I saw it full price first and it jumped out at me when I saw it cut price...
But I couldn't find anything in the charity shops and I started to lose heart. Then I would hear a Jackdaw fly over calling to me. Believe. Believe. I did lose heart. By the end... Then I saw the little alternative shop and I had to go in.
I chatted to the lady a little and three things drew me. First that little bing went off in my head at a small pink object, when I picked it up, it was a small pink rabbit. Next Clary Sage essential oil jumped out at me so I asked what it was for.... She said depression and uplifting and bringing on childbirth. I looked it up this morning and if she had included it's properties for the skin and menstruation regulation I would have brought it.
Lastly a lovely woolen shawl drew me in. Now ideas for my costume (cowgirl) at work included wearing a poncho. The shawl had the look of a poncho and I tried it on and it was lovely. A lovely long rectangle that had been torn halfway, so that a long bit went down your back and two thin long bits down your arms and front.
I didn't buy it. I didn't buy anything. I went home. The lady told me she hopped I found what I was looking for. I think she could see my defeat and loss of energy and enthusiasm. I was not feeling good at all.
OK so I used to suffer from agoraphobia and depression so I was kinda thinking about such things when I got home. But mostly I was so tired! I joked with F that maybe I should make myself go shopping alone every weekend..
Later that evening I picked a couple of medicine cards. One was Armadillo. As I read about it, the very last line jumped out at me - about being sure depression you may feel is yours. It was all about defenses and boundaries. So maybe when I go shopping like that and I am all open because I am looking for possibilities and omens, maybe I am too open.
I think F acts as a buffer. I find other people easier when he is there. I can interact comfortably with large groups of strangers. Maybe I get included in his boundaries somehow. Maybe his love recharges and protects me.
My joke about going into town until I can do it comfortably and with ease is not such a bad one. Maybe I need to learn the hard way just like I did with my Boss. Maybe I just need to practice.
Anyway. I have decided to go back and buy the rabbit, the sage and the shawl. I may even go back and get the pink top. It took sometime to regenerate my reserves yesterday, maybe I shouldn't make myself go from one end of town to the other every time...
But you know, this makes me wonder what was really going on when I felt agoraphobic in my younger days.
Saturday, 31 March 2012
The Winds That Blow Me
A while back I had a dream with a symbol in it which related to four of the winds on the Medicine Wheel. Firekeeper, Nomad, Initiator and Peacekeeper. Lisa suggested I sit with these for a while and that they related to my personal Medicine Wheel.
I can't say as I much liked that. I am not sure I particularly wanted any of these Winds, apart from Nomad. Initiator and Peacekeeper so often seem to be about conflict and Firekeeper is all about passion which often makes me uncomfortable. Nomad is all about connections and stories and learning and questing and that is something I love.
So I have been looking at Moons this year so far and this has made me more aware of the passing of the Winds as well. They don't go in any set order, the Wind blows as it will. On our Facebook we often discuss what the Wind feels like and then Lisa will confirm which Wind it is. Then we get to watch as it unfolds New Moon to New Moon. This year we started with Initiator, then moved in to Nomad, then it was off to Peacekeeper and now we have moved into Firekeeper. This synchronicity struck me quite hard and was an added confirmation and I think it gives me the order of these four roles on my Wheel, East clockwise round.
So first we have Initiator, which I believe sits in the East of my Wheel. The Initiator is the role which sparks people in to dealing with things, difficult things. This is a role which often gets peoples backs up because it pushes aus to grow, if necessary by shoving us out of our comfort zone. Initiators spot something that is not right and they go and get it sorted out. MaryRose is a strong initiator and often talks about this role on her blog and the difficulties it brings.
I am not comfortable with being out there so very much. I like to be confident of a group and my place in it before I let go. I don't much like confrontation or sticking my neck out, I often like to let things be as they are. So the thought of Initiator is not one I like much. Truth is though, I am not shy and when I want to do something I will go get it done, even if it needs confrontation. So I can accept that sometimes I call on Initiator energies to do what needs to be done.
But another side of Initiator is that sometimes we don't need to do things to spark people, sometimes just being ourselves gets people going. Judgement and persecution, as MaryRose says, can be an issue. And this is where Initiator gets me hooked in, because this is what I do so often. I am a mass of contradictions and people tend to see whichever of these makes them feel most uncomfortable and judge me, because of how they feel about such things in themself.
I come from a priviledged background, my Dad was a successful businessman and put us through private school but yet here I am, with poor cash flow but some good assets down at the bottom of the heap despite the advantages given me. I am very clever and well educated and I have some very good qualifications but yet I work in a Warehouse and am one of the most poorly paid people at the company I work for.
People have a problem with posh, moneyed folk and they see that in me. People have a problem with poor folk and see them as inferior, then they see that in me. People have a problem with clever people, maybe because they make them feel stupid, then they see that in me. People who feel superior and clever see me as being at the bottom of the heap. Just by being, I challenge people.
However, those people who are comfortable with their place in society and their gifts etc are able to see me as I am. By being as I am, I challenge people on their perceptions about what is important within our society. i used to do it with the areas of attractiveness and sexuality too, but I began to find that all too much and I think this is a large reason I let myself get fat.
And this all fits because my Initiator is in the East which is our face role, our basic personality and how we are basically perceived. As I get more comfortable with who I am and the place I have choosen, so I find my Initiator to deal with. I do manipulate it sometimes though - I have learnt that making my Boss feel stupid too often is not a good idea for peace and harmony!
In the South is my Nomad. This role is the archetype of the traveler who brings news and knowledge to isolated communities. The person who connects events and brings stories. The spider on the web drawing the corect threads together.
I collect understanding. My worldview is constantly evolving. I liken it to a jigsaw. I find a piece here and a piece there that feels right and I slot them in and my understanding grows. Sometimes I find a whole bunch of pieces that I know are pieces but I just don't have the rest of the pieces to connect them to myself. Then I store them and wait.
My mind is always traveling and searching for pieces. I get bored when I am not learning and thinking. My life can be outwardly dull and look like it is in a rut but it is what is going on inside that matters for me. I travel within myself and this fits too because the South is all about our tools, the things we use for living.
Then in the East we have the Peacekeeper. This role is about developing peace and harmony and understanding as the name suggests. The thing is we often need a difficult question, an unfortunate situation to spark us into moving towards more peace. Think of the military Peacekeepers in the world. Conflict is ironically the outcome of much that Peacekeppers do, but the goal is always to move towards greater peace and harmony.
As Lisa says "The Peace Keeper is unfortunately more often about conflict than about peace. This role is about identifying an issue; bringing it to the surface; and finding a way to resolve it. A Peace Keeper is a good strategist."
So again this can be an aggressive role and an incomfortable one. One that does not sit easily with me because of that connection. The reality is though that I have often thought of myself as a Peacekeeper. In my family, my Dad and my Sister could be difficult and they often required delicate handling and a little manipulation to maintain peace and unruffled feathers. My Mother utilised me in this role as much as she did herself as I was growing up.
It was all about avoiding pointless conflict and often required suppressing emotions and desires rather than upsetting the status quo. And this is at the heart of my problem with this role. My family taught me that Peacekeeping was all about sacrificing yourself, about being a yes person and not a no person, about not getting angry. I think my family mis-used my Peacekeeper, particularly my Mother in many ways, although everything worked out fine, well at least for them it did. I find it hard to live too close to my family, I get a bit swamped in that role again, or at least I used too, not such an issue now!
My role at work is another case in point, again with my Boss. I do manipulate her. I keep my Initiator under control for the harmony and peaceful living of everyone else in the group. When my Boss needs someone to beat on, I accept that role too. Not to say I don't manipulate that too. Last time she threw a wobbly at me I chose to react by crying at her and making the point firmly that she had a right to voice her emotions but when she treats people badly they then have a right to voice their upset too. She could not argue with that or my tears. It was a manipulative choice of come back on my part. Consequently the peace at work has lasted three months so far. I hope it lasts a lot longer.... It's kind of nice!
The West is all about how we learn and share with others. I think the way I question and feed my Nomad comes from the Peacekeeper. I think the way I interact with others and my desire for peace and harmony with others comes from this too....
*****
In the North we have the Firekeeper which again is one I had trouble relating to myself. The Firekeeper is all about energy, passion, working towards our dreams, getting things done in the now, ideas. Lisa says "the Fire Keeper is about being FULL with need, desire, fantasy, intention etc… Basically it’s about whatever fuels us on a daily basis whether it be physical (food); emotional (fear, laughter etc…); mental (knowledge etc…) or spiritual." I don't feel full of energy much of the time and passion often makes me uncomfortable, mostly because for so much of my life I think I have disowned my own.
In a group the Firekeeper may be the one who has the ideas but doesn't put in the hard work, who gets things started. This became pretty obvious to me this last month or so as we have been organising a Hen Party for a friend. I have done very little, I have not felt passionate about this process at all so I have had trouble getting motivated to do anything. (The hen has been too involved with the process, to keen to give her 'friends' what they want and less about what she really wants. The party will be good but ironically it isn't what we wanted to give her, what she wants and probably not what the people who really matter wanted to do either). I have however been full of ideas, the things which we have hung aspects of the party on in an attempt to make it more. But I have not been the one who has worked on these ideas....
With my wedding I was full of passion and I slaved to fulfill my vision. I can see this about myself, and how when I am working at my best and being truly myself and following my soul my Firekeeper is burning bright. I have ideas and vision and inspiration and truly I have passion too and I sometimes have energy.... just not so much physical energy.
The North represents our vocation or destiny.
The final Wind is the one which sits in the centre and tells me who I am. Part of me is very curious to see which way the wind blows next New Moon and whether this will shed some light on this Wind for me. It will either be Warrior, Healer, Dreamer or Visionary in my centre. There are not too many roles left!
As always I have drawn very deeply on the knowledge of Lisa and MaryRose....
I can't say as I much liked that. I am not sure I particularly wanted any of these Winds, apart from Nomad. Initiator and Peacekeeper so often seem to be about conflict and Firekeeper is all about passion which often makes me uncomfortable. Nomad is all about connections and stories and learning and questing and that is something I love.
So I have been looking at Moons this year so far and this has made me more aware of the passing of the Winds as well. They don't go in any set order, the Wind blows as it will. On our Facebook we often discuss what the Wind feels like and then Lisa will confirm which Wind it is. Then we get to watch as it unfolds New Moon to New Moon. This year we started with Initiator, then moved in to Nomad, then it was off to Peacekeeper and now we have moved into Firekeeper. This synchronicity struck me quite hard and was an added confirmation and I think it gives me the order of these four roles on my Wheel, East clockwise round.
*****
So first we have Initiator, which I believe sits in the East of my Wheel. The Initiator is the role which sparks people in to dealing with things, difficult things. This is a role which often gets peoples backs up because it pushes aus to grow, if necessary by shoving us out of our comfort zone. Initiators spot something that is not right and they go and get it sorted out. MaryRose is a strong initiator and often talks about this role on her blog and the difficulties it brings.
I am not comfortable with being out there so very much. I like to be confident of a group and my place in it before I let go. I don't much like confrontation or sticking my neck out, I often like to let things be as they are. So the thought of Initiator is not one I like much. Truth is though, I am not shy and when I want to do something I will go get it done, even if it needs confrontation. So I can accept that sometimes I call on Initiator energies to do what needs to be done.
But another side of Initiator is that sometimes we don't need to do things to spark people, sometimes just being ourselves gets people going. Judgement and persecution, as MaryRose says, can be an issue. And this is where Initiator gets me hooked in, because this is what I do so often. I am a mass of contradictions and people tend to see whichever of these makes them feel most uncomfortable and judge me, because of how they feel about such things in themself.
I come from a priviledged background, my Dad was a successful businessman and put us through private school but yet here I am, with poor cash flow but some good assets down at the bottom of the heap despite the advantages given me. I am very clever and well educated and I have some very good qualifications but yet I work in a Warehouse and am one of the most poorly paid people at the company I work for.
People have a problem with posh, moneyed folk and they see that in me. People have a problem with poor folk and see them as inferior, then they see that in me. People have a problem with clever people, maybe because they make them feel stupid, then they see that in me. People who feel superior and clever see me as being at the bottom of the heap. Just by being, I challenge people.
However, those people who are comfortable with their place in society and their gifts etc are able to see me as I am. By being as I am, I challenge people on their perceptions about what is important within our society. i used to do it with the areas of attractiveness and sexuality too, but I began to find that all too much and I think this is a large reason I let myself get fat.
And this all fits because my Initiator is in the East which is our face role, our basic personality and how we are basically perceived. As I get more comfortable with who I am and the place I have choosen, so I find my Initiator to deal with. I do manipulate it sometimes though - I have learnt that making my Boss feel stupid too often is not a good idea for peace and harmony!
*****
In the South is my Nomad. This role is the archetype of the traveler who brings news and knowledge to isolated communities. The person who connects events and brings stories. The spider on the web drawing the corect threads together.
I collect understanding. My worldview is constantly evolving. I liken it to a jigsaw. I find a piece here and a piece there that feels right and I slot them in and my understanding grows. Sometimes I find a whole bunch of pieces that I know are pieces but I just don't have the rest of the pieces to connect them to myself. Then I store them and wait.
My mind is always traveling and searching for pieces. I get bored when I am not learning and thinking. My life can be outwardly dull and look like it is in a rut but it is what is going on inside that matters for me. I travel within myself and this fits too because the South is all about our tools, the things we use for living.
*****
Then in the East we have the Peacekeeper. This role is about developing peace and harmony and understanding as the name suggests. The thing is we often need a difficult question, an unfortunate situation to spark us into moving towards more peace. Think of the military Peacekeepers in the world. Conflict is ironically the outcome of much that Peacekeppers do, but the goal is always to move towards greater peace and harmony.
As Lisa says "The Peace Keeper is unfortunately more often about conflict than about peace. This role is about identifying an issue; bringing it to the surface; and finding a way to resolve it. A Peace Keeper is a good strategist."
So again this can be an aggressive role and an incomfortable one. One that does not sit easily with me because of that connection. The reality is though that I have often thought of myself as a Peacekeeper. In my family, my Dad and my Sister could be difficult and they often required delicate handling and a little manipulation to maintain peace and unruffled feathers. My Mother utilised me in this role as much as she did herself as I was growing up.
It was all about avoiding pointless conflict and often required suppressing emotions and desires rather than upsetting the status quo. And this is at the heart of my problem with this role. My family taught me that Peacekeeping was all about sacrificing yourself, about being a yes person and not a no person, about not getting angry. I think my family mis-used my Peacekeeper, particularly my Mother in many ways, although everything worked out fine, well at least for them it did. I find it hard to live too close to my family, I get a bit swamped in that role again, or at least I used too, not such an issue now!
My role at work is another case in point, again with my Boss. I do manipulate her. I keep my Initiator under control for the harmony and peaceful living of everyone else in the group. When my Boss needs someone to beat on, I accept that role too. Not to say I don't manipulate that too. Last time she threw a wobbly at me I chose to react by crying at her and making the point firmly that she had a right to voice her emotions but when she treats people badly they then have a right to voice their upset too. She could not argue with that or my tears. It was a manipulative choice of come back on my part. Consequently the peace at work has lasted three months so far. I hope it lasts a lot longer.... It's kind of nice!
The West is all about how we learn and share with others. I think the way I question and feed my Nomad comes from the Peacekeeper. I think the way I interact with others and my desire for peace and harmony with others comes from this too....
*****
In the North we have the Firekeeper which again is one I had trouble relating to myself. The Firekeeper is all about energy, passion, working towards our dreams, getting things done in the now, ideas. Lisa says "the Fire Keeper is about being FULL with need, desire, fantasy, intention etc… Basically it’s about whatever fuels us on a daily basis whether it be physical (food); emotional (fear, laughter etc…); mental (knowledge etc…) or spiritual." I don't feel full of energy much of the time and passion often makes me uncomfortable, mostly because for so much of my life I think I have disowned my own.
In a group the Firekeeper may be the one who has the ideas but doesn't put in the hard work, who gets things started. This became pretty obvious to me this last month or so as we have been organising a Hen Party for a friend. I have done very little, I have not felt passionate about this process at all so I have had trouble getting motivated to do anything. (The hen has been too involved with the process, to keen to give her 'friends' what they want and less about what she really wants. The party will be good but ironically it isn't what we wanted to give her, what she wants and probably not what the people who really matter wanted to do either). I have however been full of ideas, the things which we have hung aspects of the party on in an attempt to make it more. But I have not been the one who has worked on these ideas....
With my wedding I was full of passion and I slaved to fulfill my vision. I can see this about myself, and how when I am working at my best and being truly myself and following my soul my Firekeeper is burning bright. I have ideas and vision and inspiration and truly I have passion too and I sometimes have energy.... just not so much physical energy.
The North represents our vocation or destiny.
*****
The final Wind is the one which sits in the centre and tells me who I am. Part of me is very curious to see which way the wind blows next New Moon and whether this will shed some light on this Wind for me. It will either be Warrior, Healer, Dreamer or Visionary in my centre. There are not too many roles left!
As always I have drawn very deeply on the knowledge of Lisa and MaryRose....
Friday, 30 March 2012
G is for Gang
OK - so I am stretching this to talk about some things I want to talk about.... Basically my Gang. This may not seem overly pagan but my connection to the world around me is a really important part of my spirituality...
I am early to work this morning and I had decided to take a few minutes to sit in my car and listen and watch and enjoy the world around me before I went in. There was no one else around because I was early and it was a lovely moment.
As I pulled into the car park, I saw my three Crows flying across it. As I pulled up I caused the Jackdaws to leave in a flurry of nerves. I could see one of my magpies in a tree, watching, and some other Magpies were in some trees in the area where they often have communal meetings. A Seagull called as it glided across the sky. As I sat there, a Rabbit ran on to the grass bank alongside the car park and then it sat there for a while before it ran off again, white tail flashing.
Such moments leave me feeling very happy, very grounded and so connected to the wonderful world around me. These animals are to me, family. They represent aspets of myself. They are some of the totems I have identified so far and that they choose to show themselves to me makes me feel so good.
In my path Each position of the my Medicine Wheel can have a totem associated with and there are 36 stones. So I have a big family, I just have not met all of them yet. Some I have met but I am not quite sure where they go.
Jackdaw is my totem for the Moon of Affirmation. Rabbit is my totem for the Moon of Drama. Seagull, Magpie and Crow are more central I believe and I think Magpie is the totem for my centre.
During my lunch break I scatter seed on the grassy bank by my car and watch my family come to visit. I started by feeding the Magpies, then the Crows worked it and came to join in. Except Crows are definately the boss and they take charge. The area where I put the seed out is theirs. There are three of them, a dominant male, who struts around and puffs up his neck feathers, a bird I believe to be a mate and then a third much more junior bird who is the most likely one to be by themself. The Crows spread themselves over the whole area I throw seed and try to dominate as much of it as possible. If other birds are already feeding, they will fly in and swoop at them and all the birds seem to be nervous of Crows on the wing - even the Seagulls.
The two Magpie's are nicknamed Mr and Mrs. Mr is fluffier and bigger and bolder. Mrs has longer legs and a sleeker body and she runs. She sounds as if she is bossy and scolding him, the nervous one sitting on the sidelines making sure he does what is needed. The Crows tolerate the Magpies most of all but even so, the Magpies are wary. Sometimes they fly off to defend their territory or to join in with a meeting nearby. They also take food away to bury it.
The Seagulls are so very elegant and powerful on the wing, but on the ground they are clumsy. I used to put out bread and then the gulls would take it on the wing without landing. I was in danger of being mobbed and other birds would not get a look in. Now I use seed the gulls are at a disadvantage as they have to land and gather it. They are at risk from the Crows and the Crows seem much more likely to actually attack gulls rather than just see them off. Even so, there are two seagulls that come sometimes.
The Jackdaws have only recently become part of my family to my knowledge and only recently figured out about the food. They are the least dominant of the birds and the smallest. I see them at odd times of the day looking for the smallest seeds which the other birds have missed. i think they still do pretty well. They are pretty nervy and fly away if I make the slightest movement, my presence still makes them a little unhappy.
Jackdaws, unlike the others, hang around in flocks and roost communally. There is a group of about seven who hang around where I work. Sometimes they use their numbers to get seed because Crows can only chase birds in one direction at a time. They make me smile with their mannerisms - they jump in the air and flap their wings at each other and they call all the time.
I also think rabbits come to feed too as I have noticed that there are more droppings aorund my car sometimes. They never come when I am there though and I wonder if they come when the birds are absent too.
It is still too early to see Wasps although I have seen a couple of Bees. Wasps are the totem for my Moon of Welcome and I am endeavouring to learn to love them. I have respect for them and what they bring to me.
How can time spent watching my Gang fail to cheer me up? A drive where I see a bird of mine fly over gives me a special moment. Opening the back door and hearing a Crow call gives me a secret smile inside.
I am early to work this morning and I had decided to take a few minutes to sit in my car and listen and watch and enjoy the world around me before I went in. There was no one else around because I was early and it was a lovely moment.
As I pulled into the car park, I saw my three Crows flying across it. As I pulled up I caused the Jackdaws to leave in a flurry of nerves. I could see one of my magpies in a tree, watching, and some other Magpies were in some trees in the area where they often have communal meetings. A Seagull called as it glided across the sky. As I sat there, a Rabbit ran on to the grass bank alongside the car park and then it sat there for a while before it ran off again, white tail flashing.
Such moments leave me feeling very happy, very grounded and so connected to the wonderful world around me. These animals are to me, family. They represent aspets of myself. They are some of the totems I have identified so far and that they choose to show themselves to me makes me feel so good.
In my path Each position of the my Medicine Wheel can have a totem associated with and there are 36 stones. So I have a big family, I just have not met all of them yet. Some I have met but I am not quite sure where they go.
Jackdaw is my totem for the Moon of Affirmation. Rabbit is my totem for the Moon of Drama. Seagull, Magpie and Crow are more central I believe and I think Magpie is the totem for my centre.
During my lunch break I scatter seed on the grassy bank by my car and watch my family come to visit. I started by feeding the Magpies, then the Crows worked it and came to join in. Except Crows are definately the boss and they take charge. The area where I put the seed out is theirs. There are three of them, a dominant male, who struts around and puffs up his neck feathers, a bird I believe to be a mate and then a third much more junior bird who is the most likely one to be by themself. The Crows spread themselves over the whole area I throw seed and try to dominate as much of it as possible. If other birds are already feeding, they will fly in and swoop at them and all the birds seem to be nervous of Crows on the wing - even the Seagulls.
The two Magpie's are nicknamed Mr and Mrs. Mr is fluffier and bigger and bolder. Mrs has longer legs and a sleeker body and she runs. She sounds as if she is bossy and scolding him, the nervous one sitting on the sidelines making sure he does what is needed. The Crows tolerate the Magpies most of all but even so, the Magpies are wary. Sometimes they fly off to defend their territory or to join in with a meeting nearby. They also take food away to bury it.
The Seagulls are so very elegant and powerful on the wing, but on the ground they are clumsy. I used to put out bread and then the gulls would take it on the wing without landing. I was in danger of being mobbed and other birds would not get a look in. Now I use seed the gulls are at a disadvantage as they have to land and gather it. They are at risk from the Crows and the Crows seem much more likely to actually attack gulls rather than just see them off. Even so, there are two seagulls that come sometimes.
The Jackdaws have only recently become part of my family to my knowledge and only recently figured out about the food. They are the least dominant of the birds and the smallest. I see them at odd times of the day looking for the smallest seeds which the other birds have missed. i think they still do pretty well. They are pretty nervy and fly away if I make the slightest movement, my presence still makes them a little unhappy.
Jackdaws, unlike the others, hang around in flocks and roost communally. There is a group of about seven who hang around where I work. Sometimes they use their numbers to get seed because Crows can only chase birds in one direction at a time. They make me smile with their mannerisms - they jump in the air and flap their wings at each other and they call all the time.
I also think rabbits come to feed too as I have noticed that there are more droppings aorund my car sometimes. They never come when I am there though and I wonder if they come when the birds are absent too.
It is still too early to see Wasps although I have seen a couple of Bees. Wasps are the totem for my Moon of Welcome and I am endeavouring to learn to love them. I have respect for them and what they bring to me.
How can time spent watching my Gang fail to cheer me up? A drive where I see a bird of mine fly over gives me a special moment. Opening the back door and hearing a Crow call gives me a secret smile inside.
Sunday, 25 March 2012
F is for Falconry
F has told me what he wants for his next birthday. He wants to go and do a half day session on Falconry at a local sanctuary. Now this sounds like a fairly normal and cool thing to do for your birthday. Certainly something I can talk about with the guys at work. I may talk with them about ghosts and dreams but I do not talk with them about drumming, what dreaming means to me and my spirituality in general.
The thing is though, it is the intent behind something that makes it spiritual, that makes it something deeper and meaningful. Washing Up can be an exercise in grounding, or a meditation to take you far away, or a prayer of service and giving back to your family. We can not see the spiritual dimensions to why people do the things they do, we just see what they do. I like this. I like that the whole of life can be one big spiritual event, deeping our connectedness to all that is.
So F is still very new to all this. He has not been finding the visualization aspects of drum journeys easy. He has not found it easy to connect to helpers or totems. He had a sense of a cat once, a big one and one time when we were gathering our totems I saw a cat sat at his feet, a wolf sat by his side and a falcon type bird sat on his shoulder. I didn't see them well. It was a misty glimpse, but they were there.
The Cat we were expecting and Wolf was not much of a surprise as we are a very doggy couple. The Falcon just bore out what I had been saying on the way to the session. As I drive around I see Crows and Magpies, Jackdaws and Seagulls. I see them everywhere, all the time. I never see Hawks of any sort unless F is with me and on the way to that Drumming Session I saw three. F has started to see a lot more of them too as he has begun paying attention, he even saw one coming out of a hedge with a rabbit.
So for him, this birthday trip is not only interesting, cool and fun, it is spiritual. He wants to do this, over anything else, because he wants to connect with his totem and wants to spend time with it. He is doing them honour.
It is important to connect with our totems. if we don't we can lose them. They offer us so much understanding of ourselves, both our strengths and weaknesses. They become like family and as I drive around, seeing them flying past, it makes me feel good. A simple drive to work is a special thing now. And as for my bird feeding at lunch at work....
So here's to Falconry and connecting.
The thing is though, it is the intent behind something that makes it spiritual, that makes it something deeper and meaningful. Washing Up can be an exercise in grounding, or a meditation to take you far away, or a prayer of service and giving back to your family. We can not see the spiritual dimensions to why people do the things they do, we just see what they do. I like this. I like that the whole of life can be one big spiritual event, deeping our connectedness to all that is.
So F is still very new to all this. He has not been finding the visualization aspects of drum journeys easy. He has not found it easy to connect to helpers or totems. He had a sense of a cat once, a big one and one time when we were gathering our totems I saw a cat sat at his feet, a wolf sat by his side and a falcon type bird sat on his shoulder. I didn't see them well. It was a misty glimpse, but they were there.
The Cat we were expecting and Wolf was not much of a surprise as we are a very doggy couple. The Falcon just bore out what I had been saying on the way to the session. As I drive around I see Crows and Magpies, Jackdaws and Seagulls. I see them everywhere, all the time. I never see Hawks of any sort unless F is with me and on the way to that Drumming Session I saw three. F has started to see a lot more of them too as he has begun paying attention, he even saw one coming out of a hedge with a rabbit.
So for him, this birthday trip is not only interesting, cool and fun, it is spiritual. He wants to do this, over anything else, because he wants to connect with his totem and wants to spend time with it. He is doing them honour.
It is important to connect with our totems. if we don't we can lose them. They offer us so much understanding of ourselves, both our strengths and weaknesses. They become like family and as I drive around, seeing them flying past, it makes me feel good. A simple drive to work is a special thing now. And as for my bird feeding at lunch at work....
So here's to Falconry and connecting.
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Value and Community
In the group I belong on Facebook that explores the Medicine Wheel and Indigenous Dreaming there has been a recent question of what we value. This is all to do with the Moon of Drama because this is the moon in which we mimic what we value and it tells us much about who we wish to be.
So instantly, the question was a hard one for me because so much of how we place value and worth on ourselves is about society at large and what society values. This can be very different from what we as individuals value. My feelings about society and my place within it are that gven my ability, academic and otherwise, I should have left Cornwall long ago, gotten myself a really highly paid, and highly stressed, job and be raking in the money. And I should have a big house I am never home to enjoy, a whole parcel of kids that I never have time to be with and a highly successful husband who also earns a lot of money but whom I never ever see, except by diary appointment....
OK, maybe a little extreme, but this is how we tend to see ourselves within society when we are having trouble with it. Those little negative voices never ever play fair, they always scale things up. And why would I wish to do any of those things? well I don't. I value my life and I like my life, no matter what society at large might think of it, if it could spare the time to consider it.
I love Cornwall and increasingly I feel connected to the land and history here. I miss the place I grew up in and my family home but those voices called me here and then I married a Cornishman. This is where I belong now. F is my family and I adore him and we have so much fun together. He may not have a high powered job but he has a good job, a job with heart and soul, when he wears his uniform people react so very positively, the value of his job is greater than money. And my house, well... that needs to change at some point! but it is my home and I do love it....
Ted pointed out to me the following.....
'that is why I think shamanism is so different. Whether we call it journeying, vision quest or whatever the indigenous term, there is an emphasis in finding who you are. Your totems, dreams, birth position and place on the wheels equate to who you are and who you are on relationship. Especially in community.
Fortunately it is not a thing that will happen in the future but something you are doing now.
There is always that paradox of what we do to please others or our selves. Shamanism sees your uniqueness as the same as your service. Most religions don't. They try to create uniformity and humility, dependence and even shame.'
In my response I happened to mention Wasp -as in I do feel more conencted to the world around me through my totems - I am even going to try not to kill any Wasps this year.... Wasp is my totem for the first moon, the Moon of Welcoming. I recently realised this via a dream which made me realise that Wasp has had a habit of stinging me at certain important times in my life. As a result of mentioning Wasp, Ted went on to tell me some things about Wasp that I had not found out....
'So wasp is a good totem for you based on what you wrote. I think that part of shamanism is deriving 'medicine' of an animal and much is just learning their behavior.
Wasp is loyal to her community. Unlike ants, bees or termites who blindly follow a queen, wasps are loyal to their piece of the community and protect the community that is weaker. They are organized in small groups and communicate mostly with those who share their smell marker. Meaning that you are more looking for your found or chosen family than seeing yourself by your blood or job.
Wasp is the keeper of ancient knowledge. Long before man, wasps were making paper, mortar,mud bricks and more. This means that your creativity must be useful as well as satisfy a need to feel the ancient earth.
Wasps can sting after they are dead. Part of that loyalty is a connection that transcends this life. A wasp will sacrifice it's life for the colony. At the same time, the colony will give all of it's resources to soldiers in war, mothers in peace and queens when the swarm has to split, move and individuals take on new roles. This is a lesson about values and addresses our conversation. The idea that value and importance can change is unknown in the insect world. Wasps are so adept and complex at this that supply chain experts and logistics experts study their behavior to teach and learn value, supply hierarchies, optimization and value based communication.
In short, we have become more and more like ants and bees when we need to be more like wasp.
Like my totem, the hornet, wasp also teaches that poison and medicine are one. I have been attacked by ground hornet swarms and bald faced swarms and though it hurts, the benefit is to be free from arthritis pain and inflammation for several months after.
Much like A M was saying about witches and pagans, there is a sense that wasps seem more advanced but are actually practicing something more ancient, Matriarchal and intuitive that bees, termites, ants etc. As a 'reclaimer' witch for many years, I subscribe to my teacher and dear friend StarHawk's definition of witchcraft/paganism as a shamanic path that seeks to remember yesterday to use today to save tomorrow. That kind of thinking is very wasplike and an excellent place to find out where you fit. Not in the big 'society'. That would be maddening. But in the society of your intuitively chosen family. Let others be slavelike ants. You are a wasp. A great thing.'
And all of a sudden it all starts to make more sense.... I do have a little family like community around me. I have my friends from college and their husbands. I have my work colleagues. I have my own family. I have my e-community. Small groups, carefully choosen. I have walked away from larger society, the society that thrives up country. Cornwall has a different model, much more community based - through your friends and family you link to everyone else...
I also have that flexibility of role and desire for efficiencey. I often get cross with F when we are trying to do a lot of things quickly because he is inefficient - he just can not see the routes between things that make for the least expenditure of energy and time, his process is much more linear. My morning routine for instance is a work of art - not to say it isn't flexible, it is as long as it isn't interupted towards the end! I do things in the optimal order, to keep the dog happy and have things ready when and where I need them. And towards the end I have my computer time with breakfast and any delays before then just get swallowed by my computer time - sometimes I get half an hour sometimes five minutes...
As for role - I am very flexible in what I do. I always loved temping and I had a knack for begining a new job and slotting myself into the tasks within the team very quickly. I have done so many different jobs and here are just a few - Research Assistant, Event Organiser, Receptionist, Canvasser, Admin Assistant, Date Entry, Warehouseman, Cleaner, Waitress and Student. And I would like to think I learnt to do all of those jobs well.
Understanding Wasp helps me see how I have value within my community, how my flexibility and flitting from job to job is not a weakness, not a lack of knowing who I am, but it is a strength and it is who I am. That I have value outside of myself, my marriage, my friendships
So instantly, the question was a hard one for me because so much of how we place value and worth on ourselves is about society at large and what society values. This can be very different from what we as individuals value. My feelings about society and my place within it are that gven my ability, academic and otherwise, I should have left Cornwall long ago, gotten myself a really highly paid, and highly stressed, job and be raking in the money. And I should have a big house I am never home to enjoy, a whole parcel of kids that I never have time to be with and a highly successful husband who also earns a lot of money but whom I never ever see, except by diary appointment....
OK, maybe a little extreme, but this is how we tend to see ourselves within society when we are having trouble with it. Those little negative voices never ever play fair, they always scale things up. And why would I wish to do any of those things? well I don't. I value my life and I like my life, no matter what society at large might think of it, if it could spare the time to consider it.
I love Cornwall and increasingly I feel connected to the land and history here. I miss the place I grew up in and my family home but those voices called me here and then I married a Cornishman. This is where I belong now. F is my family and I adore him and we have so much fun together. He may not have a high powered job but he has a good job, a job with heart and soul, when he wears his uniform people react so very positively, the value of his job is greater than money. And my house, well... that needs to change at some point! but it is my home and I do love it....
Ted pointed out to me the following.....
'that is why I think shamanism is so different. Whether we call it journeying, vision quest or whatever the indigenous term, there is an emphasis in finding who you are. Your totems, dreams, birth position and place on the wheels equate to who you are and who you are on relationship. Especially in community.
Fortunately it is not a thing that will happen in the future but something you are doing now.
There is always that paradox of what we do to please others or our selves. Shamanism sees your uniqueness as the same as your service. Most religions don't. They try to create uniformity and humility, dependence and even shame.'
In my response I happened to mention Wasp -as in I do feel more conencted to the world around me through my totems - I am even going to try not to kill any Wasps this year.... Wasp is my totem for the first moon, the Moon of Welcoming. I recently realised this via a dream which made me realise that Wasp has had a habit of stinging me at certain important times in my life. As a result of mentioning Wasp, Ted went on to tell me some things about Wasp that I had not found out....
'So wasp is a good totem for you based on what you wrote. I think that part of shamanism is deriving 'medicine' of an animal and much is just learning their behavior.
Wasp is loyal to her community. Unlike ants, bees or termites who blindly follow a queen, wasps are loyal to their piece of the community and protect the community that is weaker. They are organized in small groups and communicate mostly with those who share their smell marker. Meaning that you are more looking for your found or chosen family than seeing yourself by your blood or job.
Wasp is the keeper of ancient knowledge. Long before man, wasps were making paper, mortar,mud bricks and more. This means that your creativity must be useful as well as satisfy a need to feel the ancient earth.
Wasps can sting after they are dead. Part of that loyalty is a connection that transcends this life. A wasp will sacrifice it's life for the colony. At the same time, the colony will give all of it's resources to soldiers in war, mothers in peace and queens when the swarm has to split, move and individuals take on new roles. This is a lesson about values and addresses our conversation. The idea that value and importance can change is unknown in the insect world. Wasps are so adept and complex at this that supply chain experts and logistics experts study their behavior to teach and learn value, supply hierarchies, optimization and value based communication.
In short, we have become more and more like ants and bees when we need to be more like wasp.
Like my totem, the hornet, wasp also teaches that poison and medicine are one. I have been attacked by ground hornet swarms and bald faced swarms and though it hurts, the benefit is to be free from arthritis pain and inflammation for several months after.
Much like A M was saying about witches and pagans, there is a sense that wasps seem more advanced but are actually practicing something more ancient, Matriarchal and intuitive that bees, termites, ants etc. As a 'reclaimer' witch for many years, I subscribe to my teacher and dear friend StarHawk's definition of witchcraft/paganism as a shamanic path that seeks to remember yesterday to use today to save tomorrow. That kind of thinking is very wasplike and an excellent place to find out where you fit. Not in the big 'society'. That would be maddening. But in the society of your intuitively chosen family. Let others be slavelike ants. You are a wasp. A great thing.'
And all of a sudden it all starts to make more sense.... I do have a little family like community around me. I have my friends from college and their husbands. I have my work colleagues. I have my own family. I have my e-community. Small groups, carefully choosen. I have walked away from larger society, the society that thrives up country. Cornwall has a different model, much more community based - through your friends and family you link to everyone else...
I also have that flexibility of role and desire for efficiencey. I often get cross with F when we are trying to do a lot of things quickly because he is inefficient - he just can not see the routes between things that make for the least expenditure of energy and time, his process is much more linear. My morning routine for instance is a work of art - not to say it isn't flexible, it is as long as it isn't interupted towards the end! I do things in the optimal order, to keep the dog happy and have things ready when and where I need them. And towards the end I have my computer time with breakfast and any delays before then just get swallowed by my computer time - sometimes I get half an hour sometimes five minutes...
As for role - I am very flexible in what I do. I always loved temping and I had a knack for begining a new job and slotting myself into the tasks within the team very quickly. I have done so many different jobs and here are just a few - Research Assistant, Event Organiser, Receptionist, Canvasser, Admin Assistant, Date Entry, Warehouseman, Cleaner, Waitress and Student. And I would like to think I learnt to do all of those jobs well.
Understanding Wasp helps me see how I have value within my community, how my flexibility and flitting from job to job is not a weakness, not a lack of knowing who I am, but it is a strength and it is who I am. That I have value outside of myself, my marriage, my friendships
Saturday, 17 March 2012
E is for Eyes
Eyes have been cropping up a little for me recently. My last Full Moon Dreamboard (a collage of things that I find in magazines and the like that I do each Full Moon) was full of them. Eyes closed, eyes open, eyes behind sunglasses. Then last moons picture was eyes too....
Then there has been eyes in songs - M83's Midnight City has children with strange glowy blue eyes and interesting abilities and there is something I like very much about this song... Then there is Gotye's Eyes Wide Open. Both of these songs speak strongly to me right now.
A theme earlier on in the year was listening and seeing, being fully aware of what goes on around us. They are still things I am working on. Eyes obviously are very much about seeing... but they are windows too, it goes both ways, people can see us in our eyes and they can see themselves reflected back.
Trying to live as a Dreamer means trying to listen to these messages, these synchronicities, to follow the things that come up. Synchronicity is the dream in our waking life and they offer important insigts into things. Anything that keeps coming up like this in so many ways is something important to me and my development right now. I am continuing to sit with it, to work on it, until I figure it out...
But there is huge symbolism behind eyes- Christians have the all seeing eye of God who sees into your soul. Egyptians had the Eye of Ra which is a symbol of life and protection. Occult traditions often see the left eye as lunar and the right as solar. Then there is the third eye which is all about intuition, spirituality and seeing things from the cosmic perspective. There is also a link to prophesy.
The most interesting part of the above link to me though was what it says about eyes in dreaming. Here eyes mean an opening into a new dimension, in fact, I am just going to copy and paste....
the meaning of eyes indicates an opening into a new dimension. This is symbolic of your vision clearing and focusing in on a new direction. It may also indicate your ability to see past what is common and spiritually arrive to the point where your inner vision perceives all things in their divine glory - even the simplest of things become imbued with an exquisite quality inherent in all nature.
Oooh..... So if you take everything together it is all about an opening to other dimensions and realities. Time is a dimension too. Everything is connected so an all seeing eye would be able to see, well, everything.
So maybe my eyes are a warning that things are about to change, maybe they are a suggestion to try and see more...
Then there has been eyes in songs - M83's Midnight City has children with strange glowy blue eyes and interesting abilities and there is something I like very much about this song... Then there is Gotye's Eyes Wide Open. Both of these songs speak strongly to me right now.
A theme earlier on in the year was listening and seeing, being fully aware of what goes on around us. They are still things I am working on. Eyes obviously are very much about seeing... but they are windows too, it goes both ways, people can see us in our eyes and they can see themselves reflected back.
Trying to live as a Dreamer means trying to listen to these messages, these synchronicities, to follow the things that come up. Synchronicity is the dream in our waking life and they offer important insigts into things. Anything that keeps coming up like this in so many ways is something important to me and my development right now. I am continuing to sit with it, to work on it, until I figure it out...
But there is huge symbolism behind eyes- Christians have the all seeing eye of God who sees into your soul. Egyptians had the Eye of Ra which is a symbol of life and protection. Occult traditions often see the left eye as lunar and the right as solar. Then there is the third eye which is all about intuition, spirituality and seeing things from the cosmic perspective. There is also a link to prophesy.
The most interesting part of the above link to me though was what it says about eyes in dreaming. Here eyes mean an opening into a new dimension, in fact, I am just going to copy and paste....
the meaning of eyes indicates an opening into a new dimension. This is symbolic of your vision clearing and focusing in on a new direction. It may also indicate your ability to see past what is common and spiritually arrive to the point where your inner vision perceives all things in their divine glory - even the simplest of things become imbued with an exquisite quality inherent in all nature.
Oooh..... So if you take everything together it is all about an opening to other dimensions and realities. Time is a dimension too. Everything is connected so an all seeing eye would be able to see, well, everything.
So maybe my eyes are a warning that things are about to change, maybe they are a suggestion to try and see more...
Friday, 9 March 2012
Moon of Affirmation Review
Began - 7th February
New Moon - 21st February
Ended - 8th March
Not sure where I put my Dreamboard so I shall have to post that later.....
I think this moon has changed my view of Affirmation considerably. I was not very sure what was going on at the beginning, what the theme was, where it was heading. The previous moons Initiator Wind meant it hit like a hurricane but this months Nomad Wind (first half) has meant this moon has been less harsh but just as powerful.
An affirmation was to me, all about making statements of what you are or wished to be to strengthen those aspects of yourself or bring them in to your life. Very positive and strong and maybe a bit glossy and pretty. I thought it would be a very positive happy month because I was affirming all that was good about myself and while this could be one interpretation, I no longer see it as the only one. I think it is the light side, the day time, but without a doubt there is a dark side or night time as well. Not that that means bad at all!
What I have learnt is that Affirmation is as much about stating what you are not, what is not yours as stating what you are and what is yours. This has been brought home in so many subtle instances this month (and I am really, really glad that it did not get the sledge hammer approach as it would have really disrupted my life!).
My ghost has been introduced to me this month, firstly he appeared as a nameness sad emotion, a depression of sorts that I just knew was not mine. Once I realised it was not mine, it became easier to deal with because I did not have to take it on board fully then. Synchronicity and a good deal of questioning has helped with this, but the impact on my sleep and my dreams has been considerable.
The Nomad wind helped get to grips with this and understand it but the second half of the month was the Peacekeeper wind. Don't see the word and think they are all sweetness and light. Peacekeepers defend the peace, so they are more than up to fighting when they need to. They are also well able to start conflict in order to bring about greater peace. Not sure I know much more about them yet....
So the sleep disruption has continued and there has been some very grim and gory dreams, the sort I naturally recoil from and fight to forget, not remember. And the lack of sleep has not decreased either.
The exploration of affirming what you are and are not has been explored in so many ways! I found myself having a conversation the other day about how some people are very strongly defined by their partner in life. I told a story of a relative who was lovely when he was with his first wife but after she died and he remarried he changed. His new wife is argumentative, selfish and more than a little unpleasant. He no longer speaks to either of his children or sees his grandchildren. In fact he emigrated. His brother is very ill and has asked if he would come over to visit one last time. He has been very non-commmital about coming over and has certainly not even really wanted to talk on the phone....
And as I thought, this change is not that uncommon. I can think of several examples! The man whose wife gave him a ral depth but after her death he lost this depth and became very materialistic and appearance orientated. The lady whose twin committed suicide, which caused her to take up her dead twins life and personality for many years. The man with the controling girlfriend who buys her an expensive present for her birthday but when it comes to his birthday he gets nothing because it is a 'bad' time of the year and they have to start saving for their wedding....
All these people do not stand firm in their knowledge of who and what they are. They believe the strongest persons views and characteristics are their own - for good and bad.
At the begining I did kind of understand that 'I AM' is an affirmation. Of existance certainly, but now I see it as the most powerful affirmation going because it says so very, very much. It says to me now I know myself, i know the good and the bad, all of it, for better and for worse but I also know all that I am not. And this has been explored in so many ways within my community within so many topics - boundaries, silence, mental conditions (in view of the noise they can create within your head) and family / ancestral aspects.
The other thing I have realised this Moon is sometimes, when we are being a bit hard on ourselves about what we are not, the Universe affirms what we are instead. We just have to listen to these gentle reminders and then live in what we are instead.
I am fat and unfit. I lack stamina and getted tired easily. I had Chronic Fatigue years ago, and with each year there is a little less of it. Now I am pretty normal, just fat and unfit. I was focusing on this a little too much. So I received the lesson, Hey you may be fat and unfit but you are STRONG! I have learnt that the little voice that makes me leave home on time to get to work and makes me go the right way, sometimes has ulterior motives - sometimes it makes me earyly and sends me a specific way in order to help.
The other week, a junction was blocked by a land rover that had broken down. I offered to help push. Unfortunately not a single person from the queue of cars waiting offered to help! They all sat and watched the fat woman push a Land Rover, by herself! There luckily was a little bit of a hill but I still had to get it up the curb and then over a bump into some parking but I did it! And I felt pretty good after!
The other affirmation I recieved was this. I can be a little reserves with new people - I don't immediately let everyone see all of me. Much of my humour requires ease with individual people. F is the one who charms everyone on first meeting, not me. But my relationship with him allows me to be more charming on first meeting people too, because I bounce off him... Anyway, we saw a friend recently who told me her boyfriend was really disappointed that he couldn't be there because he had really enjoyed meeting me... Me out of everyone else in the group. That felt nice. I guess some people like a slightly calmer approach....
I had no idea what I was looking for for this months picture until I found it. I couldn't find a picture of the moon that fitted for me, but this one is perfect! I also found this story much much harder to bring together into a coherent narrative. It doesn't feel as finished as right as last months...
Once upon a time she awoke and suddenly there was so much. She could see everything, hear everything, feel everything, smell everything, taste everything. It was too much, overwhelming, drowning out who she was. What was she?
She pulled her black shawl around herself and drowned everything out. From inside this quiet place she looked inside herself, listened to herself, felt how she felt, smelt all she could smell and tasted everything. She started to realise who she was and where she was in everything.
She realised that in order to learn more of who she was, she needed to look outside of herself, so she opened up her shawl a tiny little bit, just enough to let in a little light, a little sound, a little smell, a little feeling. It felt good and she did not lose herself in it this time.
Gradually she let her shawl fall more and more, until she looked out upon the entire Universe and it was good. She was Moon striding across the heavens and when she looked at Earth, sometimes she could see little reflections of herself in all the water. Sometimes when she listened to the stars singing around her, she could hear her own song reflected back to her.
But gradually she felt that she had had enough and she pulled her shawl around herself again, so that she might Dream and Think and Be. But she knew she would be back, shining bright in the sky soon, being herself and all that she was.
New Moon - 21st February
Ended - 8th March
Not sure where I put my Dreamboard so I shall have to post that later.....
I think this moon has changed my view of Affirmation considerably. I was not very sure what was going on at the beginning, what the theme was, where it was heading. The previous moons Initiator Wind meant it hit like a hurricane but this months Nomad Wind (first half) has meant this moon has been less harsh but just as powerful.
An affirmation was to me, all about making statements of what you are or wished to be to strengthen those aspects of yourself or bring them in to your life. Very positive and strong and maybe a bit glossy and pretty. I thought it would be a very positive happy month because I was affirming all that was good about myself and while this could be one interpretation, I no longer see it as the only one. I think it is the light side, the day time, but without a doubt there is a dark side or night time as well. Not that that means bad at all!
What I have learnt is that Affirmation is as much about stating what you are not, what is not yours as stating what you are and what is yours. This has been brought home in so many subtle instances this month (and I am really, really glad that it did not get the sledge hammer approach as it would have really disrupted my life!).
My ghost has been introduced to me this month, firstly he appeared as a nameness sad emotion, a depression of sorts that I just knew was not mine. Once I realised it was not mine, it became easier to deal with because I did not have to take it on board fully then. Synchronicity and a good deal of questioning has helped with this, but the impact on my sleep and my dreams has been considerable.
The Nomad wind helped get to grips with this and understand it but the second half of the month was the Peacekeeper wind. Don't see the word and think they are all sweetness and light. Peacekeepers defend the peace, so they are more than up to fighting when they need to. They are also well able to start conflict in order to bring about greater peace. Not sure I know much more about them yet....
So the sleep disruption has continued and there has been some very grim and gory dreams, the sort I naturally recoil from and fight to forget, not remember. And the lack of sleep has not decreased either.
The exploration of affirming what you are and are not has been explored in so many ways! I found myself having a conversation the other day about how some people are very strongly defined by their partner in life. I told a story of a relative who was lovely when he was with his first wife but after she died and he remarried he changed. His new wife is argumentative, selfish and more than a little unpleasant. He no longer speaks to either of his children or sees his grandchildren. In fact he emigrated. His brother is very ill and has asked if he would come over to visit one last time. He has been very non-commmital about coming over and has certainly not even really wanted to talk on the phone....
And as I thought, this change is not that uncommon. I can think of several examples! The man whose wife gave him a ral depth but after her death he lost this depth and became very materialistic and appearance orientated. The lady whose twin committed suicide, which caused her to take up her dead twins life and personality for many years. The man with the controling girlfriend who buys her an expensive present for her birthday but when it comes to his birthday he gets nothing because it is a 'bad' time of the year and they have to start saving for their wedding....
All these people do not stand firm in their knowledge of who and what they are. They believe the strongest persons views and characteristics are their own - for good and bad.
At the begining I did kind of understand that 'I AM' is an affirmation. Of existance certainly, but now I see it as the most powerful affirmation going because it says so very, very much. It says to me now I know myself, i know the good and the bad, all of it, for better and for worse but I also know all that I am not. And this has been explored in so many ways within my community within so many topics - boundaries, silence, mental conditions (in view of the noise they can create within your head) and family / ancestral aspects.
The other thing I have realised this Moon is sometimes, when we are being a bit hard on ourselves about what we are not, the Universe affirms what we are instead. We just have to listen to these gentle reminders and then live in what we are instead.
I am fat and unfit. I lack stamina and getted tired easily. I had Chronic Fatigue years ago, and with each year there is a little less of it. Now I am pretty normal, just fat and unfit. I was focusing on this a little too much. So I received the lesson, Hey you may be fat and unfit but you are STRONG! I have learnt that the little voice that makes me leave home on time to get to work and makes me go the right way, sometimes has ulterior motives - sometimes it makes me earyly and sends me a specific way in order to help.
The other week, a junction was blocked by a land rover that had broken down. I offered to help push. Unfortunately not a single person from the queue of cars waiting offered to help! They all sat and watched the fat woman push a Land Rover, by herself! There luckily was a little bit of a hill but I still had to get it up the curb and then over a bump into some parking but I did it! And I felt pretty good after!
The other affirmation I recieved was this. I can be a little reserves with new people - I don't immediately let everyone see all of me. Much of my humour requires ease with individual people. F is the one who charms everyone on first meeting, not me. But my relationship with him allows me to be more charming on first meeting people too, because I bounce off him... Anyway, we saw a friend recently who told me her boyfriend was really disappointed that he couldn't be there because he had really enjoyed meeting me... Me out of everyone else in the group. That felt nice. I guess some people like a slightly calmer approach....
Source: google.ca via Marie-Pier on Pinterest
I had no idea what I was looking for for this months picture until I found it. I couldn't find a picture of the moon that fitted for me, but this one is perfect! I also found this story much much harder to bring together into a coherent narrative. It doesn't feel as finished as right as last months...
Once upon a time she awoke and suddenly there was so much. She could see everything, hear everything, feel everything, smell everything, taste everything. It was too much, overwhelming, drowning out who she was. What was she?
She pulled her black shawl around herself and drowned everything out. From inside this quiet place she looked inside herself, listened to herself, felt how she felt, smelt all she could smell and tasted everything. She started to realise who she was and where she was in everything.
She realised that in order to learn more of who she was, she needed to look outside of herself, so she opened up her shawl a tiny little bit, just enough to let in a little light, a little sound, a little smell, a little feeling. It felt good and she did not lose herself in it this time.
Gradually she let her shawl fall more and more, until she looked out upon the entire Universe and it was good. She was Moon striding across the heavens and when she looked at Earth, sometimes she could see little reflections of herself in all the water. Sometimes when she listened to the stars singing around her, she could hear her own song reflected back to her.
But gradually she felt that she had had enough and she pulled her shawl around herself again, so that she might Dream and Think and Be. But she knew she would be back, shining bright in the sky soon, being herself and all that she was.
Sunday, 26 February 2012
The Ghost in the Dream
This post is a follow on from a couple of previous posts A Relative Fashion and J Donald.
So the saga continues. Although the depression lifted, the bad sleep and strange dreams have continued. Maybe I should have been making an effort to remember them, but at 4 in the morning when a horrible image is stuck in your head and you have to get back to sleep and go to work the following day, forgetting it as quickly as possible is definately the goal!
One image has stayed with me this week and I have not been able to leave it in the dreaming at all. A sister watching her brother being burned alive. I got to watch it in horrific detail. It took a couple of hours for me to get back to sleep and I could not forget, no matter how hard I tried.
With a nice bit of timing, Wheelkeeper wrote this post about a ghost she had been assisting and with the assistance of Lisa as well, things have become clearer. The ghost can call to us in the dream and call us to a dream realm where we can receive messages and interact, if they are a loved one, a ghost of one of our own past lives or if we are a Keeper of the Dead.
I have no evidence to suggest I am a Keeper of the Dead, this is after all my first ghost. I am not sure if he counts as a loved one, no living relative of mine ever met him after all, he is a Great Great Great Grandfather. Not sure about him being a past life either. Not sure how I would feel if he was a past life.
I mean after all, killing surely acquires a fair bit of bad karma! And he in all likelihood killed a lot of people. Then there is the other side of the coin, he achieved so very much in his life, he came from nothing and climbed his way up, was respected and rewarded for this and was very, very formidable. I admire him but I am not sure I can live up to him. I think he would look at my lack of fitness, my messy house and start barking off orders....
But I found this article on soldiers and karma. It seems that there is a view that intention is key with karma. If your intention is to do your job well and with honour and to protect your country, then that is fine. Intending to go out and kill people, to rape and pillage, to do bad things is going to accrue a lot of bad karma.
I am currently reading a book, Earth Medicine by Jamie Sams with a reading each morning. This mornings reading was all about honour. To honor the deeds of another is to show appreciation for their contribution. To bring honor to our country is to give of ourselves above and beyond what is normally expected. To honor the self requires sacrifice - to make sacred our roles abilities and talents. If we share these gifts with those we serve, without desire for reward and with an open heart, we will receive joy as a reward.
This is such an appropriate reading for today! Because honor is so very much what he was about. He did his job, with all of himself, all of his ability and he was prepared to make the biggest sacrifice. If he was ordered to do terrible things or they were part of battle there is no dishonor. The fact these things haunted him is a credit to him. Maybe there were things he did that he could have done differently, maybe some images would never leave, maybe there was guilt while he was alive, I doubt he would ever have admitted to it. I can see how that guilt would remain as unresolve in some one like him.
Any individual acts he committed and their attendant unresolve is not what he has to deal with now. They will be played out in life, in the relationships he has with those people. It is his guilt he has to accept and let go of.
So the saga continues. Although the depression lifted, the bad sleep and strange dreams have continued. Maybe I should have been making an effort to remember them, but at 4 in the morning when a horrible image is stuck in your head and you have to get back to sleep and go to work the following day, forgetting it as quickly as possible is definately the goal!
One image has stayed with me this week and I have not been able to leave it in the dreaming at all. A sister watching her brother being burned alive. I got to watch it in horrific detail. It took a couple of hours for me to get back to sleep and I could not forget, no matter how hard I tried.
With a nice bit of timing, Wheelkeeper wrote this post about a ghost she had been assisting and with the assistance of Lisa as well, things have become clearer. The ghost can call to us in the dream and call us to a dream realm where we can receive messages and interact, if they are a loved one, a ghost of one of our own past lives or if we are a Keeper of the Dead.
I have no evidence to suggest I am a Keeper of the Dead, this is after all my first ghost. I am not sure if he counts as a loved one, no living relative of mine ever met him after all, he is a Great Great Great Grandfather. Not sure about him being a past life either. Not sure how I would feel if he was a past life.
I mean after all, killing surely acquires a fair bit of bad karma! And he in all likelihood killed a lot of people. Then there is the other side of the coin, he achieved so very much in his life, he came from nothing and climbed his way up, was respected and rewarded for this and was very, very formidable. I admire him but I am not sure I can live up to him. I think he would look at my lack of fitness, my messy house and start barking off orders....
But I found this article on soldiers and karma. It seems that there is a view that intention is key with karma. If your intention is to do your job well and with honour and to protect your country, then that is fine. Intending to go out and kill people, to rape and pillage, to do bad things is going to accrue a lot of bad karma.
I am currently reading a book, Earth Medicine by Jamie Sams with a reading each morning. This mornings reading was all about honour. To honor the deeds of another is to show appreciation for their contribution. To bring honor to our country is to give of ourselves above and beyond what is normally expected. To honor the self requires sacrifice - to make sacred our roles abilities and talents. If we share these gifts with those we serve, without desire for reward and with an open heart, we will receive joy as a reward.
This is such an appropriate reading for today! Because honor is so very much what he was about. He did his job, with all of himself, all of his ability and he was prepared to make the biggest sacrifice. If he was ordered to do terrible things or they were part of battle there is no dishonor. The fact these things haunted him is a credit to him. Maybe there were things he did that he could have done differently, maybe some images would never leave, maybe there was guilt while he was alive, I doubt he would ever have admitted to it. I can see how that guilt would remain as unresolve in some one like him.
Any individual acts he committed and their attendant unresolve is not what he has to deal with now. They will be played out in life, in the relationships he has with those people. It is his guilt he has to accept and let go of.
Saturday, 25 February 2012
D is for Dream
Dreams are a huge subject for me right now becuase I am trying to learn to be a Dreamer.
We have lost the concept of the Dreamer in much of Western society but it was once an important and sacred role. This goes back millenia. Malta has megalithic temples older than the pyramids, currently the oldest are believed to have been built around 3500 BC. The statue above was found in one of these temples. She is a Dreamer.
So what is a Dreamer?
This is my understanding so far, I have a long way to go though! A Dreamer is someone who uses Dreams to access alternative realities with control and they may do so for guidance and healing among other reasons. We all dream and have some degree of ability but it is control that makes a Dreamer, as well as a natural ability I guess too.
My Hubby hardly ever remembers his dreams and gains very little from them. I remember a large number of dreams and am able to interpret them (with the help of friends!) and have gained a large amount of assistance from them but even so, I do not consider myself a Dreamer, yet.
Dreamers are lucid, or awake within their dreams so that they can navigate them at will. They can re-enter a dream to gain additional understanding and can even enter other peoples dreams to assist them. To them, Dreams are as much of a gateway to other realities as a journey with a drum. They are also able to interpret dreams.
This is not just something that happens at night though. The Dream is always there with every breath and a skilled Dreamer can pass into it at will, awake or asleep. Synchronicity is also an aspect of the Dream. Follow them....
I am a long way from being a Dreamer. I am semi-lucid in that I am actively thinking within the dream but I am not fully aware or in control. My dream interpretation skills need a lot of work! I can occasionally re-enter a dream, but only if I have not woken up very much.
So how did I find Dreaming? Well, I have long been interested in dreams and every so often I would have a strong dream, one just so full of meaning that I could not ignore it. One day I had a dream where there was a book, it was a huge old book of knowledge, like a prospectus and I was shown several pages within the book. I could only remember two of the pages when I woke and these were Dreaming and Cooking but it was Dreaming that made my heart skip a beat in excitement.
I began to read about dreaming and one day my friend Suzi introduced me to the blog of Wapeyit, who is an Indigenous Dreamer and my learning continues.
Soetimes I wonder if I am meant to be a Dreamer, but I guess things have been made pretty clear to me. Shortly after the dream I had to paint an intuitive picture of myself for a class called BIG. The image came very strongly to mind. A blue woman lying on her side, the image in my mind was of a pretty fat woman but I couldn't bring myself to paint myself that fat, so the lady in my painting is pretty curvy. Although she is obviously asleep, people on the course felt it looked somehow like she was swimming, moving.
A while later, Suzi recommended I read Supernatural by Graham Hancock. This book really blew my mind wide open. It linked varous experiences I had had with a whole bunch of things others have experienced that I just could not credit as being local or real and linked it all up somehow with my scientific understanding of certain things and voila, I was able to believe in alternate realities and Shamanism. It was not an easy read and it is probably the slowest I have ever read a book that gripped me so!
The book contains several pictures painted by Pablo Amaringo who painted the journeys he took while under the influence of Ayahuasca. They are very beautiful and compelling. The very first colour image in the book was very full but in one corner there was a lady I recognised, for all that she was green this time. A fat sleeping lady on her side, in pretty much exactly the same pose. I began to wonder if my BIG painting had drawn on some pre-existing archetype and I suspected she was a dreaming.
Very recently F and I started looking at honeymoons. After something my Mum said, I started looking at Malta. I have been there before, about 20 years ago, so it astounded me that having previously done the tours, I had never even heard of the megalithic temples there! I have no idea why these things seem to have been kept so quiet... I brought a book, only a rough guide, but it mentioned an enigmatic statue of a sleeping Goddess. And I had a suspicion right then.
I was right, and there she is at the top of the post. Fatter than the green ayahuasca lady and a lot fatter than the lady I let myself paint but recognisable. And she Dreams.
Saturday, 18 February 2012
A Relative Fashion
I have an issue at the moment, just a little one, much less of a problem now I am trying to look it square in the eye. Or should I say much better now I am trying to look him square in the eye!
I have a Ghost.
This all started way back last year when I started researching my family tree. During this time, one of my colleagues had a dream in which there was a nasty ghost causing trouble and I told her it was my Grandfather. Apparently I got quite cross with the ghost. My colleague woke up quite scared.
I have had snippets of dream warnings too, but nothing so clear, but then my colleague and I work differently. She has previously seen a ghost for instance whereas I never have. Although I am beginning to think I may have felt their emotions in the past.
My snippets have been things like a warning that the ground water was dangerous, a dream where there was lots of chickens ready to cook but one of them had gone off and attracted lots of flies. And then this last week I had a much more focused dream. In it there was a train that stopped outside a town and when it did shadowy arms started reaching up through the floor and dragging the passengers down.
So I wondered about a ghost a few months back but I had no answers, nothing firm. So I waited. I didn't research my family tree over Christmas at all and I picked it up for the first time in quite a while, just last weekend. I only looked at my Mother's side as I was preparing a tree for my maternal Uncle. The following night I had the train dream and trains are like snakes, one of their meanings is ancestry, DNA and family.
I remembered that the train had been catching me at the crossing a lot the last few days. I had been going that way to work last year, taking a Colleague and we never got caught by the train once. A road is closed so I have started going that way again and been caught three times already, in just a few days. Also out of the blue, my colleague brought up having seen a ghost once. That was all I needed to confirm that indeed, I did have a ghost.
I did know that the depression I have been feeling this week wasn't entirely my own. I have learnt enough to know when stuff is mine or not, thankfully. When you feel others feelings it is very easy to get swallowed up in them, to believe they are your own. I wonder how much of my past depression has been other peoples emotions that I have been unable to deal with.
Lisa suggested I ask what the ghost wanted of me and watch for synchronicity, so I did. I am getting better at asking questions and listening for replies although I find it hard still to believe entirely the words I get back and not change them slightly. I got back that he just wanted to be remembered.
The only reference to the dead at work yesterday came out of the blue. We had put some AC/DC on and one of my colleagues said to me something along the lines of 'that'll wake the dead'. Waking the Dead is a TV programme all about uncovering the stories of the dead, typically those that died in an unpleasant way but it is this idea of uncovering the stories of the dead. So I knew I was right...
So I am going to be featuring a male ancestor each week on my blog, so I can put it out there and see what comes back. Maybe I can help them. Ghosts are spirits with unresolved issues. But this ghost is an Ancestor too. But this ghost may not be all about himself... There were a few other unexpected synchronicities yesterday.
A colleague's wife brought their baby in yesterday. And she was so lovely. I loved holding her and was left feeling quite broody. F and I decided a long time ago, 2007 to be precise, that if we had a girl we would call her Ruby. This was in part due to the song Ruby by the Kaiser Chiefs. Mostly it was because we loved the name. So I was sat there thinking about babies when this song came on the radio. Being an old song now it doesn't get played much. So then I am thinking about babies even more when an ad comes about a joint venture between the radio station and a baby accessories shop. It kind of burst through my thoughts with a 'don't you dare ignore me. I know you were not listening to the radio but I am important!' sort of a shout.
It kind of makes sense that an Ancestor might be a little interested in the next generation as well... And the truth is, i desperately want babies. F and I had even decided to start trying after the wedding. But I am fat and the thought of being pregnant with all this weight just scares me. But I know Ruby has been patiently waiting for a little while now (if I do get pregnant and I have a boy I am going to be so surprised! *laugh*) and she has been a feature in a few dreams and stories in one way or another.
So there we go....
Oh and as soon as I admitted there was a Grandfather lurking around the depression lifted. Now my baby related nerves and longings are more to the fore...
I have a Ghost.
This all started way back last year when I started researching my family tree. During this time, one of my colleagues had a dream in which there was a nasty ghost causing trouble and I told her it was my Grandfather. Apparently I got quite cross with the ghost. My colleague woke up quite scared.
I have had snippets of dream warnings too, but nothing so clear, but then my colleague and I work differently. She has previously seen a ghost for instance whereas I never have. Although I am beginning to think I may have felt their emotions in the past.
My snippets have been things like a warning that the ground water was dangerous, a dream where there was lots of chickens ready to cook but one of them had gone off and attracted lots of flies. And then this last week I had a much more focused dream. In it there was a train that stopped outside a town and when it did shadowy arms started reaching up through the floor and dragging the passengers down.
So I wondered about a ghost a few months back but I had no answers, nothing firm. So I waited. I didn't research my family tree over Christmas at all and I picked it up for the first time in quite a while, just last weekend. I only looked at my Mother's side as I was preparing a tree for my maternal Uncle. The following night I had the train dream and trains are like snakes, one of their meanings is ancestry, DNA and family.
I remembered that the train had been catching me at the crossing a lot the last few days. I had been going that way to work last year, taking a Colleague and we never got caught by the train once. A road is closed so I have started going that way again and been caught three times already, in just a few days. Also out of the blue, my colleague brought up having seen a ghost once. That was all I needed to confirm that indeed, I did have a ghost.
I did know that the depression I have been feeling this week wasn't entirely my own. I have learnt enough to know when stuff is mine or not, thankfully. When you feel others feelings it is very easy to get swallowed up in them, to believe they are your own. I wonder how much of my past depression has been other peoples emotions that I have been unable to deal with.
Lisa suggested I ask what the ghost wanted of me and watch for synchronicity, so I did. I am getting better at asking questions and listening for replies although I find it hard still to believe entirely the words I get back and not change them slightly. I got back that he just wanted to be remembered.
The only reference to the dead at work yesterday came out of the blue. We had put some AC/DC on and one of my colleagues said to me something along the lines of 'that'll wake the dead'. Waking the Dead is a TV programme all about uncovering the stories of the dead, typically those that died in an unpleasant way but it is this idea of uncovering the stories of the dead. So I knew I was right...
So I am going to be featuring a male ancestor each week on my blog, so I can put it out there and see what comes back. Maybe I can help them. Ghosts are spirits with unresolved issues. But this ghost is an Ancestor too. But this ghost may not be all about himself... There were a few other unexpected synchronicities yesterday.
A colleague's wife brought their baby in yesterday. And she was so lovely. I loved holding her and was left feeling quite broody. F and I decided a long time ago, 2007 to be precise, that if we had a girl we would call her Ruby. This was in part due to the song Ruby by the Kaiser Chiefs. Mostly it was because we loved the name. So I was sat there thinking about babies when this song came on the radio. Being an old song now it doesn't get played much. So then I am thinking about babies even more when an ad comes about a joint venture between the radio station and a baby accessories shop. It kind of burst through my thoughts with a 'don't you dare ignore me. I know you were not listening to the radio but I am important!' sort of a shout.
It kind of makes sense that an Ancestor might be a little interested in the next generation as well... And the truth is, i desperately want babies. F and I had even decided to start trying after the wedding. But I am fat and the thought of being pregnant with all this weight just scares me. But I know Ruby has been patiently waiting for a little while now (if I do get pregnant and I have a boy I am going to be so surprised! *laugh*) and she has been a feature in a few dreams and stories in one way or another.
So there we go....
Oh and as soon as I admitted there was a Grandfather lurking around the depression lifted. Now my baby related nerves and longings are more to the fore...
Sunday, 5 February 2012
Moon of Welcome Review
Began - Monday 9th January
New Moon - Monday 23rd January
Ended - 6th February
The first half of this moon has been tough for me. It began in the wind of Initiator and ended in the wind of Nomad. Welcome and Initiator, oh my....
I was in pain, but not really ill until the Moon moved into Welcome and from there I had two really hard weeks. That Wind was certainly pushing some buttons. I briefly revisited some old themes, such as rejection, being alone, not belonging to a group and rejection as well as entirely new ones. The ear infection turned out to have some strong lessons on being more aware of the noise around me, listening to the world....
Gracefully and powerfully dealing with death and injury and illness have been really strong themes in the lives of those around me both in my real life and in my online life. I am not sure I managed the awe inspiring attitudes I have been proud to witness, but I did try and I learnt a lot.
But there has been some really cool things too, from all this difficulty. I dreamt of a herb, sage, which turns out to be perfect for me - I have had no sage tea this weekend and I am looking forward to my next cup - it seems to be exactly what I need and I am so grateful for that dream. I met a wonderful new ally and was re-united with an old one, well maybe I was re-united with both, but I just don't remember. I dreamt of a drum. I stood up to my Boss and honoured my right to have feelings and express them.
The second half of the moon has been much quieter, in an awful lot of ways! It has just been less intense. I finally got better as well. I have also been endeavouring to listen more and to not use music as a way of blocking sound. I often switch the radio off on the way to work now and I try to be more conscious of sound when I am out an about. Sometimes this is difficult. For instance I was stood in a queue in the Post Office yesterday and I decided to listen. There was the noise of three people being served, another receiving advice, the people in the queue, including a phone call and a cougher. It was a little uncomfortable opening myself to the noise without tuning any of it out.
Although it has been less emotional, I have not been sleeping well. My dreams have been pretty zippy and full, but with nothing much clear to hang on to and examine, but here are a few snippets that I did cling to. Being abducted and stuck on an underground train that just went round and round the city. A ruin by the sea that was a tourist attraction but full of worms that you had to avoid touching, anyone touched had to be cured before they could leave but there was a couple removing their infected child without realising. Having a Yellow Bonnet (I think this is a wasp) flying around my face (I was stung on the face by one as a baby, during my first Moon of Welcoming...hmmm). A strange mystical symbol around Glastonbury, maybe I should draw it....
So my Dreamboard... I can see so much of how the moon turned out in it. I can see the feelings of being alone in that lonely lighthouse, and the moon above the barren landscape, but yet they are beautiful in their ability to be there and be themselves. It has certainly been a month of riding the wave too - and letting those winds take me where they will. But at the same time, it has been tranquil and beautiful, being ill has made me chill. I am not sure exactly what butterfly has been birthed, but I have no doubt one has...
But there is a rebellious element too - of being yourself and being proud of it, of doing things society frowns on slightly, but needs all the same. The teen rebel making unerground art. And the Sea Gull... Putting that there was a way of accepting this energy, and I needed it... And the man's arm - I love this picture! This arm says so much - this man works for a living, hard work, he is utterly comfortable in his skin, contented, and more than a little bit cool. Kind of how I want to be (except for the male bit)
I also needed to choose a picture that symbolises this Moon journey for me and I found the art of Arbor Lux on Flickr (Go have a look at his art! It is absolutely amazing!). This picture is the one I have choosen to represent my moon. The picture is called Snow Child and yesterday, in my Amazon books recommendation, there was a book called Snow Child, of course I had to order it and when they release the paperback it shall arrive...
All month I have been writing and developing a story in my head, a modern myth for this Moon of Welcome, my Moon of Welcome...
Once upon a time there was a Moon Baby who lived in the sky. At first, his eyes were closed, but that was fine, because he could feel the warmth of the Father Sun on his body sometimes, and at others he could feel the pull of his Mother Earth below and at still other times he could hear the songs of his cousins, the Stars all around. He was happy and he started to grow.
One night, it was time for him to open his eye and take his first peek at the Universe. He opened his eye cautiously and it was all black, everywhere, all around. He could not see Father Sun, or feel Mother Earth or hear his Cousins singing. And in that moment he was scared, he panicked, and he could feel it rising up through him and until he could hear nothing and feel nothing, till all there was, was blackness.
And like terrified creatures often do, he froze. And in that moment there was a seed of acceptance of whatever dreadful thing might happen to him next. And from that seed grew a moment of peace and as his thoughts quietened, he realised there was a faint song and then there was two voices. His Aunt Venus and Uncle Jupiter sang of their presence there and they crowded closer so he could see them shining in the growing dark.
They sang songs about how as the last warmth of Father Sky vanished, other cousins would awake and sing with them, and so they did, all around him, stars sang and suddenly the Universe did not seem so big, or dark, or terrifying any more. And that night he sang with them and he was content.
As the night wore on, the planets and stars slowly sang of sleep and vanished one by one, but the last ones to go reminded him that if he was peaceful and paid attention, he would always feel the presence of his Mother below, the warmth of his Father would always return, and the gentle snores of sleeping stars could be heard even when the sun shone.
As the Moon Baby grew he always found those inbetween times, between dark and light, were moments where he felt so very much. Sorrow for the leaving. Joy for the welcoming. Bittersweet.
But there was always that little bit of fear in the back of his mind, a tiny moment, what if....
New Moon - Monday 23rd January
Ended - 6th February
The first half of this moon has been tough for me. It began in the wind of Initiator and ended in the wind of Nomad. Welcome and Initiator, oh my....
I was in pain, but not really ill until the Moon moved into Welcome and from there I had two really hard weeks. That Wind was certainly pushing some buttons. I briefly revisited some old themes, such as rejection, being alone, not belonging to a group and rejection as well as entirely new ones. The ear infection turned out to have some strong lessons on being more aware of the noise around me, listening to the world....
Gracefully and powerfully dealing with death and injury and illness have been really strong themes in the lives of those around me both in my real life and in my online life. I am not sure I managed the awe inspiring attitudes I have been proud to witness, but I did try and I learnt a lot.
But there has been some really cool things too, from all this difficulty. I dreamt of a herb, sage, which turns out to be perfect for me - I have had no sage tea this weekend and I am looking forward to my next cup - it seems to be exactly what I need and I am so grateful for that dream. I met a wonderful new ally and was re-united with an old one, well maybe I was re-united with both, but I just don't remember. I dreamt of a drum. I stood up to my Boss and honoured my right to have feelings and express them.
The second half of the moon has been much quieter, in an awful lot of ways! It has just been less intense. I finally got better as well. I have also been endeavouring to listen more and to not use music as a way of blocking sound. I often switch the radio off on the way to work now and I try to be more conscious of sound when I am out an about. Sometimes this is difficult. For instance I was stood in a queue in the Post Office yesterday and I decided to listen. There was the noise of three people being served, another receiving advice, the people in the queue, including a phone call and a cougher. It was a little uncomfortable opening myself to the noise without tuning any of it out.
Although it has been less emotional, I have not been sleeping well. My dreams have been pretty zippy and full, but with nothing much clear to hang on to and examine, but here are a few snippets that I did cling to. Being abducted and stuck on an underground train that just went round and round the city. A ruin by the sea that was a tourist attraction but full of worms that you had to avoid touching, anyone touched had to be cured before they could leave but there was a couple removing their infected child without realising. Having a Yellow Bonnet (I think this is a wasp) flying around my face (I was stung on the face by one as a baby, during my first Moon of Welcoming...hmmm). A strange mystical symbol around Glastonbury, maybe I should draw it....
So my Dreamboard... I can see so much of how the moon turned out in it. I can see the feelings of being alone in that lonely lighthouse, and the moon above the barren landscape, but yet they are beautiful in their ability to be there and be themselves. It has certainly been a month of riding the wave too - and letting those winds take me where they will. But at the same time, it has been tranquil and beautiful, being ill has made me chill. I am not sure exactly what butterfly has been birthed, but I have no doubt one has...
But there is a rebellious element too - of being yourself and being proud of it, of doing things society frowns on slightly, but needs all the same. The teen rebel making unerground art. And the Sea Gull... Putting that there was a way of accepting this energy, and I needed it... And the man's arm - I love this picture! This arm says so much - this man works for a living, hard work, he is utterly comfortable in his skin, contented, and more than a little bit cool. Kind of how I want to be (except for the male bit)
I also needed to choose a picture that symbolises this Moon journey for me and I found the art of Arbor Lux on Flickr (Go have a look at his art! It is absolutely amazing!). This picture is the one I have choosen to represent my moon. The picture is called Snow Child and yesterday, in my Amazon books recommendation, there was a book called Snow Child, of course I had to order it and when they release the paperback it shall arrive...
All month I have been writing and developing a story in my head, a modern myth for this Moon of Welcome, my Moon of Welcome...
Once upon a time there was a Moon Baby who lived in the sky. At first, his eyes were closed, but that was fine, because he could feel the warmth of the Father Sun on his body sometimes, and at others he could feel the pull of his Mother Earth below and at still other times he could hear the songs of his cousins, the Stars all around. He was happy and he started to grow.
One night, it was time for him to open his eye and take his first peek at the Universe. He opened his eye cautiously and it was all black, everywhere, all around. He could not see Father Sun, or feel Mother Earth or hear his Cousins singing. And in that moment he was scared, he panicked, and he could feel it rising up through him and until he could hear nothing and feel nothing, till all there was, was blackness.
And like terrified creatures often do, he froze. And in that moment there was a seed of acceptance of whatever dreadful thing might happen to him next. And from that seed grew a moment of peace and as his thoughts quietened, he realised there was a faint song and then there was two voices. His Aunt Venus and Uncle Jupiter sang of their presence there and they crowded closer so he could see them shining in the growing dark.
They sang songs about how as the last warmth of Father Sky vanished, other cousins would awake and sing with them, and so they did, all around him, stars sang and suddenly the Universe did not seem so big, or dark, or terrifying any more. And that night he sang with them and he was content.
As the night wore on, the planets and stars slowly sang of sleep and vanished one by one, but the last ones to go reminded him that if he was peaceful and paid attention, he would always feel the presence of his Mother below, the warmth of his Father would always return, and the gentle snores of sleeping stars could be heard even when the sun shone.
As the Moon Baby grew he always found those inbetween times, between dark and light, were moments where he felt so very much. Sorrow for the leaving. Joy for the welcoming. Bittersweet.
But there was always that little bit of fear in the back of his mind, a tiny moment, what if....
C is for Corvid and Cornish Chough
The Corvid family of birds is one I have a personal connection to and I am very fond of them. They are a large family with representives all over the world, except the polar circles and the tip of South America. They are really, really intelligent. Their brain to body ratio is right up there and only slightly less than humans. They make and use tools and the only other family to do so is the Great Apes. The magpie is the only bird self aware enough to pass the miror test (recognising itself in a mirror and being able to use the mirrors reflection to figure out things).
The Corvid family consists of lots of different groups of birds - Choughs, Treepies, Oriental Magpies, Old World Jays, Stresemann's Bush Crow, Nutcrackers, Holartic Magpies, True Crows (Ravens, Rooks, Crows and Jackdaws), Azure Winged Magpie, Grey Jays and New World Jays.
In the UK we have a number of representatives from this family of birds, Carrion Crow, Hooded Crow, Rook, Raven, Magpie, Jackdaw, Chough and Jay. I personally don't find it easy to tell the difference between Crows, Rooks and Ravens in the wild, unless they are close to and on the ground. We don't have Hooded Crows in this part of the world either, they live up North. The Jackdaw is easier, because of the grey on the back of it's neck and it's white eye and of course Magpies and Jays are very distinctive....
Then there is the Chough which is only found in Great Britain, in Ireland, on the Isle of Mann and in the west of Wales and Scotland. They used to be common along the coastline in Cornwall, but in 1952 the last pair nested here. They had been lost to England long before this. Habitat loss had been a lare problem, as had egg collecting by collectors. They are important to Cornwall and feature on the coat of arms. Apparently in other parts of the UK they were often called the Cornish Crow.
A lot of effort was made to reinstate their habitat in an effort to attract them back. And in 2001, four were spotted in West Cornwall and three took up residence, then in 2002, they nested. Volunteers guarded the nest and now the Chough is definately back! The problem was that the cliffs were no longer used for grazing and increasingly, cliffs are being managed in this way to provide suitable habitat.
There is a local legend that goes as follows: When King Arthur fought his last battle, he did not die, but his soul migrated into a Chough. The red of it's beak and legs came from that last battle and so killing the bird was very unlucky. If ever the Cornish Chough were to leave Cornwall, then it's return would mark the return of King Arthur...
There is a place you can go to watch the Choughs and because it is the only publicly acknowledged site, they are still guarded. It is possible to see them around the coast of the Lizard and West Penwith now and their numbers are steadily increasing. This Summer I shall try and go and see them I think...
The Corvid family consists of lots of different groups of birds - Choughs, Treepies, Oriental Magpies, Old World Jays, Stresemann's Bush Crow, Nutcrackers, Holartic Magpies, True Crows (Ravens, Rooks, Crows and Jackdaws), Azure Winged Magpie, Grey Jays and New World Jays.
In the UK we have a number of representatives from this family of birds, Carrion Crow, Hooded Crow, Rook, Raven, Magpie, Jackdaw, Chough and Jay. I personally don't find it easy to tell the difference between Crows, Rooks and Ravens in the wild, unless they are close to and on the ground. We don't have Hooded Crows in this part of the world either, they live up North. The Jackdaw is easier, because of the grey on the back of it's neck and it's white eye and of course Magpies and Jays are very distinctive....
Then there is the Chough which is only found in Great Britain, in Ireland, on the Isle of Mann and in the west of Wales and Scotland. They used to be common along the coastline in Cornwall, but in 1952 the last pair nested here. They had been lost to England long before this. Habitat loss had been a lare problem, as had egg collecting by collectors. They are important to Cornwall and feature on the coat of arms. Apparently in other parts of the UK they were often called the Cornish Crow.
A lot of effort was made to reinstate their habitat in an effort to attract them back. And in 2001, four were spotted in West Cornwall and three took up residence, then in 2002, they nested. Volunteers guarded the nest and now the Chough is definately back! The problem was that the cliffs were no longer used for grazing and increasingly, cliffs are being managed in this way to provide suitable habitat.
There is a local legend that goes as follows: When King Arthur fought his last battle, he did not die, but his soul migrated into a Chough. The red of it's beak and legs came from that last battle and so killing the bird was very unlucky. If ever the Cornish Chough were to leave Cornwall, then it's return would mark the return of King Arthur...
There is a place you can go to watch the Choughs and because it is the only publicly acknowledged site, they are still guarded. It is possible to see them around the coast of the Lizard and West Penwith now and their numbers are steadily increasing. This Summer I shall try and go and see them I think...
Sunday, 29 January 2012
St Clethers
Yesterday we went somewhere very special, St Clether's Holy Well and Chapel. To reach the chapel you walk through the graveyard of the Victorian church and along the side of a valley, with a river below you and the occasional rocky outcrop above. The spring bubbles out into a lovely well house with a thorn tree above decorated with clooties. The water then flows downhill out of the wellhouse and under the path into the chapel where it passes underneath the altar. In the wall of the chapel is the lower well house where the water can be seen again before passing under the yard.
The yard is bordered by trees full of bird feeders and birds and slopes towards the valley. At the lower edge, it looks as if the lower part of the yard is supported on a terrace and the water bubbles out of this terrace and flows down the hill to the river. Before it gets there though it has to pass through a little bridge and into a pool. The pool is obviously man made and of great signifcance too as it has an obviously man made bank and a little island in the middle.
Very beautiful and very peaceful.... or it would have been if we had not been there to drum!
It was a lovely afternoon. It was supposed to be cold and winter but instead we had briliant sunshine and it was relatively warm. The snowdrops were in bloom and daffs were beginning to poke their heads out. As we left, F and I went down to the pool and a huge flock of starlings flew directly over us, from the chapel to the river and beyond, flying South. As we walked back to the car, more flocks flew overhead flying more and more to the South West each time, all going to the same place....
Flocks seem to have some special significance for me right now, although I have not figured it out at all...
Drumming, as always, was lovely... And the focus was very much on the place that we were. Not surprisingly, the journeys were full of water. This is a place I want to visit again though - when I can enjoy the atmosphere of peace perhaps....
The yard is bordered by trees full of bird feeders and birds and slopes towards the valley. At the lower edge, it looks as if the lower part of the yard is supported on a terrace and the water bubbles out of this terrace and flows down the hill to the river. Before it gets there though it has to pass through a little bridge and into a pool. The pool is obviously man made and of great signifcance too as it has an obviously man made bank and a little island in the middle.
Very beautiful and very peaceful.... or it would have been if we had not been there to drum!
It was a lovely afternoon. It was supposed to be cold and winter but instead we had briliant sunshine and it was relatively warm. The snowdrops were in bloom and daffs were beginning to poke their heads out. As we left, F and I went down to the pool and a huge flock of starlings flew directly over us, from the chapel to the river and beyond, flying South. As we walked back to the car, more flocks flew overhead flying more and more to the South West each time, all going to the same place....
Flocks seem to have some special significance for me right now, although I have not figured it out at all...
Drumming, as always, was lovely... And the focus was very much on the place that we were. Not surprisingly, the journeys were full of water. This is a place I want to visit again though - when I can enjoy the atmosphere of peace perhaps....
Friday, 27 January 2012
B is for Bagua
The Bagua is one of those things that appears very simple at first but the more you look at it, the more you learn about it, the more it just appears to be a key. Keys can be simple but unlock an awful lot! I have come across the Bagua a couple of times, reading about Feng Shui and I Ching.
In Feng Shui the idea is to generate positive energy of qi by ordering things according to the laws of Heaven and Earth. So buildings are properly designed and orientated to act within their environment, such as a famous building with a hole in it, designed according to feng shui to allow the dragon in the mountain behind access to the sea. Within homes, feng shui allows things to be placed and ordered to allow us to manage energy and create the energies we wish for and aid balance.
This image is from Wikipedia
The map that helps with this is the Bagua. Each of the eight trigrams deals with a specific concept and has certain attributes. The bagua is overlain on your house, and can be pulled into shape to match and orientated by a compass. All this is explained in any feng shui book.
The eight symbols are the basis of I Ching which is most simply understood as a method of divination. An unbroken line is Yang and a broken line is Yin and each trigram has three lines. Divination has been conducted in various ways such as with yarrow stalks or with three coins.
The bagua itself is often turned into a decoration such as a mirror. This is used on the outside of buildings as a powerful antidote to negative energies caused by the position of the building. This may be beacuse the building is at T junction with a road pointing at it; some sort of offending and badly placed structure such as a tree, electrical transformer or wall; or just because the building is attracting negative energies such as vandalism or theft.
I am beginning to see though that all this is something more than home decorating and divination - it is a system for living, just like many other sacred circles, such as the Medicine Wheel. This has taken much pointing out to me! It is philosophical and highly complex and I do not even begin to claim to understand it. This system has been around for at least 3000 years and has been developed and studied by Chinese scholars, and more recently in other countries too.
It's roots are both magical and mathematical (Math for Mystics by Renna Shesso). Emperor Yu the Great, also known as the Sage King lived around 3000BCE. One day he found a turtle by a river and recognized it as a creature of magic. The dots on it's back were clustered and of two different colours. This pattern of numbers assumed a great significance and this pattern of numbers from this turtle shell are the root of the I Ching and Feng Shui, but also the Square of Saturn and the Lo Shu (Lo River Writing).
The numbers form a magic square which has many mathematical tricks up it's sleeve. Each individual row and column adds up to 15 as does each diagonal. Each edge pair adds up to 10 (4 & 6, 9 & 1, 2 & 8 and 7 & 3). 5 is the only number that does not have a pair, but 5 doubled is 10 as well.
This square was used by the Mayans, prehistoric French and Northern Africans. The Babylonians used it and it was the basis for the Star of Ishtar. It was used in India for divination and associated with the planets in Islamic lands by 983 CE.
So these numbers are a key and the Bagua is one development of the key, a more sophisticated version that opens many doors. Sacred mathematics is obviously a very full and complicated subject and Ancient Civilizations were very sophisticated in it's use and it's subtelties.
In Feng Shui the idea is to generate positive energy of qi by ordering things according to the laws of Heaven and Earth. So buildings are properly designed and orientated to act within their environment, such as a famous building with a hole in it, designed according to feng shui to allow the dragon in the mountain behind access to the sea. Within homes, feng shui allows things to be placed and ordered to allow us to manage energy and create the energies we wish for and aid balance.
The map that helps with this is the Bagua. Each of the eight trigrams deals with a specific concept and has certain attributes. The bagua is overlain on your house, and can be pulled into shape to match and orientated by a compass. All this is explained in any feng shui book.
The eight symbols are the basis of I Ching which is most simply understood as a method of divination. An unbroken line is Yang and a broken line is Yin and each trigram has three lines. Divination has been conducted in various ways such as with yarrow stalks or with three coins.
The bagua itself is often turned into a decoration such as a mirror. This is used on the outside of buildings as a powerful antidote to negative energies caused by the position of the building. This may be beacuse the building is at T junction with a road pointing at it; some sort of offending and badly placed structure such as a tree, electrical transformer or wall; or just because the building is attracting negative energies such as vandalism or theft.
I am beginning to see though that all this is something more than home decorating and divination - it is a system for living, just like many other sacred circles, such as the Medicine Wheel. This has taken much pointing out to me! It is philosophical and highly complex and I do not even begin to claim to understand it. This system has been around for at least 3000 years and has been developed and studied by Chinese scholars, and more recently in other countries too.
It's roots are both magical and mathematical (Math for Mystics by Renna Shesso). Emperor Yu the Great, also known as the Sage King lived around 3000BCE. One day he found a turtle by a river and recognized it as a creature of magic. The dots on it's back were clustered and of two different colours. This pattern of numbers assumed a great significance and this pattern of numbers from this turtle shell are the root of the I Ching and Feng Shui, but also the Square of Saturn and the Lo Shu (Lo River Writing).
4 9 2
3 5 7
8 1 6
3 5 7
8 1 6
The numbers form a magic square which has many mathematical tricks up it's sleeve. Each individual row and column adds up to 15 as does each diagonal. Each edge pair adds up to 10 (4 & 6, 9 & 1, 2 & 8 and 7 & 3). 5 is the only number that does not have a pair, but 5 doubled is 10 as well.
This square was used by the Mayans, prehistoric French and Northern Africans. The Babylonians used it and it was the basis for the Star of Ishtar. It was used in India for divination and associated with the planets in Islamic lands by 983 CE.
So these numbers are a key and the Bagua is one development of the key, a more sophisticated version that opens many doors. Sacred mathematics is obviously a very full and complicated subject and Ancient Civilizations were very sophisticated in it's use and it's subtelties.
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Taking Advice
I like starting new projects and I like learning new things. Sometimes the planning of these things is much, much better than the real thing! I have spent hours and hours planning my bedroom - I can see it! And we are so close now really in many ways.... I have painting to do - an old print type case, a tall thin bookcase and an old chair. I have curtains and blinds to put up. I have a beautiful picture by the lovely Suzi to hang properly (it is hung just fine - but not in the place I want it to finally be because there is no hook there... and I can't put one there yet because I need to do it in conjunction with the print case...). I have things to rearrange on the bookcase - bits of cut glass brought for my wedding at charity shops and car boots which will be liberally decorated with candles and bits from the shore such as sand, shells and stones. I also have a big lump of blue obsidian which is man made but utterly lovely.
I have further plans - such as strings of beads hung amongst the curtains. A bead woven mat to put under a cut glass bowl. A net or some sort of dream catcher sort of thing above the bed. Pictures to find and print and make to go above the chair on the bit of wall the bookcase will go on including photos we have taken of the sea and a lovely print of another of Suzi's paintings. Rag rugs to make. Sort sort of window decorations.... And finally (maybe) an old metal trunk to restore!
The thing is, part way through doing all the bedroom stuff, I had to plan a wedding. And after the wedding I had no energy for finishing off all the wedding bits - like thank you notes (oh I hate doing them! I have said thank you but I need to do notes as well - I hate thinking of small talk to write... I am so very bad at it!) And I have a lovely photo album to fill with photos. Then I need to put all my beautiful things together in a nice, special wedding box.... Then we can take them out and relive our wedding day whenever we want and keep them as heirlooms.
But those thank you letters, they have really, really stalled me! I could not face getting out my knife and painstakingly cutting another stencil, which takes hours... And people were saying to me, why are you making it so complicated? But my heart wants to do it that way and that helped stall me too.
So although I don't want to do them - I have to because they are in the way. So they have gone on my to do list... And as it is limited to 13, a few things have gone, because they are new things that need to go on hold and not get started yet. They need their own space. So no ley line maps, or medicine bag, or rattles or learning about geometry... Not yet, not till I have space on my to do list again...
The book I ordered that I thought was going to tell me all about Sacred Geometry, didn't. But that is my fault not the books! The book was Maths for Mystics by Renna Shesso and was very, very good. It explained so much and made so many connections for me. It was exactly what I needed. It only took three weeks to arrive, but I am glad of this as this weekend was the perfect time for it to arrive _ I had enough brain back to understand it!
The other books were mixed. The first Medicine Wheel book ( I shan't name the author because I don't think that is fair...) raised a couple of good points but beyond that it offered very little. It seemed to be written from the perspective of using the Medicine Wheel as a spiritual tool for the average Christian. The second by Leo Rutherford, is I think, a very good book, but it will probably take me years to digest it! Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine is lovely, but as it is a book of daily readings, this will be with me for some time - I have enjoyed reading these snippets so far - although I am not sure I get all of them - why the simplest things sometimes the hardest? And then there was The Sun and The Serpent = an excellent book about the St MAry and St Michael leylines in the UK.
So next months books have yet to be finally selected and brough - but I know Renna Shesso's new book on the planets and stars will be there. For Geometry I shall wait until March when John Michell's book goes into paperback.... Which is why geometry has been knocked off the list - it is not a current thing.... and I had too many creative projects on the list - and if you have too many waiting, they go stale sometimes and never happen at all...
So pay day looms (oh what a long month!) and then a few things will wing their way to new or temporary homes, including my Angel Oracle cards and a book that I really didn't gel with but think someone else will appreciate. I offered up my Tarot deck too but I have realised they are meant to stay with me. I need to look at Tarot in a different way is all....
And the letter to my Uncle - well, that is about letting go of others personal failures. Not their fault if they never signed the contract and had no idea of the rules I had made. He had no idea I idolised him and I need to let go of that. I think he will understand - I hope so. It may bring a new life to our friendship - or not, but my heart tells me I have to do it...
And what has sparked this off?
I have been asking questions about why my ear infection is lingering - what does it mean spiritually? Why does illness often go hand in hand with the Moon of Welcome for me? Not got that one figured out yet but someone else delivered a very clear message to a group i belong to that we should all finish our unfinished business, close all our old wheels so we can start new ones.
It made me think.....
I have further plans - such as strings of beads hung amongst the curtains. A bead woven mat to put under a cut glass bowl. A net or some sort of dream catcher sort of thing above the bed. Pictures to find and print and make to go above the chair on the bit of wall the bookcase will go on including photos we have taken of the sea and a lovely print of another of Suzi's paintings. Rag rugs to make. Sort sort of window decorations.... And finally (maybe) an old metal trunk to restore!
The thing is, part way through doing all the bedroom stuff, I had to plan a wedding. And after the wedding I had no energy for finishing off all the wedding bits - like thank you notes (oh I hate doing them! I have said thank you but I need to do notes as well - I hate thinking of small talk to write... I am so very bad at it!) And I have a lovely photo album to fill with photos. Then I need to put all my beautiful things together in a nice, special wedding box.... Then we can take them out and relive our wedding day whenever we want and keep them as heirlooms.
But those thank you letters, they have really, really stalled me! I could not face getting out my knife and painstakingly cutting another stencil, which takes hours... And people were saying to me, why are you making it so complicated? But my heart wants to do it that way and that helped stall me too.
So although I don't want to do them - I have to because they are in the way. So they have gone on my to do list... And as it is limited to 13, a few things have gone, because they are new things that need to go on hold and not get started yet. They need their own space. So no ley line maps, or medicine bag, or rattles or learning about geometry... Not yet, not till I have space on my to do list again...
The book I ordered that I thought was going to tell me all about Sacred Geometry, didn't. But that is my fault not the books! The book was Maths for Mystics by Renna Shesso and was very, very good. It explained so much and made so many connections for me. It was exactly what I needed. It only took three weeks to arrive, but I am glad of this as this weekend was the perfect time for it to arrive _ I had enough brain back to understand it!
The other books were mixed. The first Medicine Wheel book ( I shan't name the author because I don't think that is fair...) raised a couple of good points but beyond that it offered very little. It seemed to be written from the perspective of using the Medicine Wheel as a spiritual tool for the average Christian. The second by Leo Rutherford, is I think, a very good book, but it will probably take me years to digest it! Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine is lovely, but as it is a book of daily readings, this will be with me for some time - I have enjoyed reading these snippets so far - although I am not sure I get all of them - why the simplest things sometimes the hardest? And then there was The Sun and The Serpent = an excellent book about the St MAry and St Michael leylines in the UK.
So next months books have yet to be finally selected and brough - but I know Renna Shesso's new book on the planets and stars will be there. For Geometry I shall wait until March when John Michell's book goes into paperback.... Which is why geometry has been knocked off the list - it is not a current thing.... and I had too many creative projects on the list - and if you have too many waiting, they go stale sometimes and never happen at all...
So pay day looms (oh what a long month!) and then a few things will wing their way to new or temporary homes, including my Angel Oracle cards and a book that I really didn't gel with but think someone else will appreciate. I offered up my Tarot deck too but I have realised they are meant to stay with me. I need to look at Tarot in a different way is all....
And the letter to my Uncle - well, that is about letting go of others personal failures. Not their fault if they never signed the contract and had no idea of the rules I had made. He had no idea I idolised him and I need to let go of that. I think he will understand - I hope so. It may bring a new life to our friendship - or not, but my heart tells me I have to do it...
And what has sparked this off?
I have been asking questions about why my ear infection is lingering - what does it mean spiritually? Why does illness often go hand in hand with the Moon of Welcome for me? Not got that one figured out yet but someone else delivered a very clear message to a group i belong to that we should all finish our unfinished business, close all our old wheels so we can start new ones.
It made me think.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)