A Relative Fashion

I have an issue at the moment, just a little one, much less of a problem now I am trying to look it square in the eye. Or should I say much better now I am trying to look him square in the eye!

I have a Ghost.

This all started way back last year when I started researching my family tree. During this time, one of my colleagues had a dream in which there was a nasty ghost causing trouble and I told her it was my Grandfather. Apparently I got quite cross with the ghost. My colleague woke up quite scared.

I have had snippets of dream warnings too, but nothing so clear, but then my colleague and I work differently. She has previously seen a ghost for instance whereas I never have. Although I am beginning to think I may have felt their emotions in the past.

My snippets have been things like a warning that the ground water was dangerous, a dream where there was lots of chickens ready to cook but one of them had gone off and attracted lots of flies. And then this last week I had a much more focused dream. In it there was a train that stopped outside a town and when it did shadowy arms started reaching up through the floor and dragging the passengers down.

So I wondered about a ghost a few months back but I had no answers, nothing firm. So I waited. I didn't research my family tree over Christmas at all and I picked it up for the first time in quite a while, just last weekend. I only looked at my Mother's side as I was preparing a tree for my maternal Uncle. The following night I had the train dream and trains are like snakes, one of their meanings is ancestry, DNA and family.

I remembered that the train had been catching me at the crossing a lot the last few days. I had been going that way to work last year, taking a Colleague and we never got caught by the train once. A road is closed so I have started going that way again and been caught three times already, in just a few days. Also out of the blue, my colleague brought up having seen a ghost once. That was all I needed to confirm that indeed, I did have a ghost.

I did know that the depression I have been feeling this week wasn't entirely my own. I have learnt enough to know when stuff is mine or not, thankfully. When you feel others feelings it is very easy to get swallowed up in them, to believe they are your own. I wonder how much of my past depression has been other peoples emotions that I have been unable to deal with.

Lisa suggested I ask what the ghost wanted of me and watch for synchronicity, so I did. I am getting better at asking questions and listening for replies although I find it hard still to believe entirely the words I get back and not change them slightly. I got back that he just wanted to be remembered.

The only reference to the dead at work yesterday came out of the blue. We had put some AC/DC on and one of my colleagues said to me something along the lines of 'that'll wake the dead'. Waking the Dead is a TV programme all about uncovering the stories of the dead, typically those that died in an unpleasant way but it is this idea of uncovering the stories of the dead. So I knew I was right...

So I am going to be featuring a male ancestor each week on my blog, so I can put it out there and see what comes back. Maybe I can help them. Ghosts are spirits with unresolved issues. But this ghost is an Ancestor too. But this ghost may not be all about himself... There were a few other unexpected synchronicities yesterday.

A colleague's wife brought their baby in yesterday. And she was so lovely. I loved holding her and was left feeling quite broody. F and I decided a long time ago, 2007 to be precise, that if we had a girl we would call her Ruby. This was in part due to the song Ruby by the Kaiser Chiefs. Mostly it was because we loved the name. So I was sat there thinking about babies when this song came on the radio. Being an old song now it doesn't get played much. So then I am thinking about babies even more when an ad comes about a joint venture between the radio station and a baby accessories shop. It kind of burst through my thoughts with a 'don't you dare ignore me. I know you were not listening to the radio but I am important!' sort of a shout.

It kind of makes sense that an Ancestor might be a little interested in the next generation as well... And the truth is, i desperately want babies. F and I had even decided to start trying after the wedding. But I am fat and the thought of being pregnant with all this weight just scares me. But I know Ruby has been patiently waiting for a little while now (if I do get pregnant and I have a boy I am going to be so surprised! *laugh*) and she has been a feature in a few dreams and stories in one way or another.

So there we go....

Oh and as soon as I admitted there was a Grandfather lurking around the depression lifted. Now my baby related nerves and longings are more to the fore...