Saturday, 31 December 2011

Castle Connections

There is a hill near here. A big long ridge with three high points with the St Michael leyline running all along it. One high point has been topped with a memorial and another with a folly castle that is now a restaurant. F asked me to marry him on a cold, claer, bright winters morning sat on a granite stack near the monument and we celebrated our wedding years later in that castle.

Ever since I first came here that hill top has fascinated me. I found an obscure track along it's side to a vantage point on it's side my first week down here, house hunting. When I moved here, I was taken my the more normal road to it's top within days. I sat in lectures gazing out at it. It watches me as I live and work.

My Dad told me at my wedding that he thought he had been there before but not inside. I promptly forgot this!

So I was very suprised when looking at old family photos belonging to my Grandmother, to see a familiar building... In fact I found two photos.

This first photo shows my Father with my Grandmother and Grandfather sat in front of the castle on some of the granite stacks. This photo is probably around fifty years old. And so, despite the two photos not looking at all the same, I left it at that. (oh how silly - and prehaps a little ego in there? *laugh*)

This second photo is clearly older and the men on the castle walls are wearing bowler hats. It also says on the back Dad at ****, in my Grandmother's writing. It was nagging at my Dad and he came back to it and figure it out.... This photo is of my Great Grandfather, also at the castle! He died in 1914 so this photo is at least 100 years old and shows I have some sort of connection this palce going back through four generations over a hundred years, even though there is no obvious reason why my non-Cornish family should have been drawn here....

Now since my wedding people have delighted in telling me things about the place... One friend told me they had heard the owner had been given large amounts of money by people from a now defunct base so they could hold completely private parties there overnight. My conspiracy friend has delighted in telling me that the St Mary line and St Michael line spiral around each other across the land and that the St Michael line is polluted and bad and favoured by Satanists. I do not agree, the line is not bad, it may have been put to selfish uses, but that is human, not the line itself...


One night as I was on my way home I was casting out thoughts that I wanted to learn things, to know. A Voice answered and said 'we can show you everything'. Of course I was interested! I told me to go to ****. So later that evening, Little Dog and i went there. It was pitch dark as it was the New Moon. I made it to the top and sat on granite admiring the view.

Nothing happened. Well, not till I closed my eyes anyway... At once there was a circle of shadowy figures around me. And having seen them, I knew who these entities were who offered me knowledge, and power too. They were of Crowley's ilk. Crowley was intimately connected with Cornwall and while he may not have been one of these spirits, they were of his line. Not the sort I wish to have anything to do with. Not my path. not anything I wish to have in my life. So I politely declined and walked away.

And since then my path and learning has done nothing but speed up, but it a gentler, kinder direction, one full of heart and soul, that seeks to work with spirit, for it. Not to understand it and control it. But it does all make me wonder at the exact nature of my families connection with this place.... Why have we all been drawn here? and how strange that four generations of my family have all loved this place, hundreds of miles from where we lived....

For my part it is all about love and a connection to the land and to my ancestors. What drew them there I shall never know.

Home of my Heart

I grew up in an enchanted house. The house began as two one up, one down cottages for farm labourers. Over time the house grew and the two became one. Over 400 years old, with no foundations, it was a house intimately connected the environment around it. A huge old willow has grown so big that it's roots rest under the house, cradling it. As the tree moves and the seasons change and the earth moves, so does the house. In most places the walls are one brick thick and cracks appear and disappear, as does the chance to see light....

I grew up knowing the creak of every piece of wood. The house itself would sing to me as it settled and warmed up. I could tell where people were by the sounds the house made. From my bed I could 'see' people on the path to the front door by their reflections on my ceiling. Clematis grew in my window, water bubbled up through the stone floor after rain, and wind sang through the branches of the trees outside. Fire warmed the house and the kitchen was the heart.

I grew up climbing trees, walking barefoot and squelching clay mud through my toes, sitting under one of the huge lime trees in hot summers, or in the cool long grass of the orchard. I would lie on my back on the grass watching clouds or the bats dancing in the twilight. At night owls would sing me to sleep, hunting mice in the orchard. My parents for years have put large amounts of bird food out and watching Woodpeckers while washing up is a regular occurance.

Nothing could really hurt us there. Not that things were perfect but the bad stuff could not get in. Not really.

At College I had my things stolen one time, including a house key and my address. I told my parents and they changed the locks. A few weeks later they went on holiday leaving me in the house (I was 17 and my Mum had secretly, at least from my Dad anyway, arranged for my boyfriend to stay). When they returned my Dad found that the strand of barbed wire on the fence had been cut and pealed back. While I had been alone, the robbers had visited my home and found their keys did not fit. They obviously decided that it was not worth robbing as well....

Another time, I had a black thing following me for a time, which is an entire other story. When I went home I could feel it watching from the gate but it could not cross over. I understood intuitively from that time that that land was protected.

I also had my spiritual awakening on that land. A moment of such beauty as the rising rays of light shone through the empty grass seed heads in the field behind making the field glow with light. It was so very, very beautiful.....

My parents moved us in on my first birthday and now we have all moved on and they are alone there. They are in poor health and wish to move on as the responsibility of the house and gardens is becoming hard for them. I had not been home in a couple of years. Last year we went on holiday with them and this year they came here for the wedding. The thought of not getting to see the house one last time was unbearable.

Luckily for me it has not sold as yet and I was able to have one last Christmas there with my family and I am so very grateful for that.

In the garden there is a patch of ground that was the vegetable patch. it became neglected and was not mowed so that trees were able to start growing on it. I remember the first time we saw the twig above the grasses with a handful of distintive leaves. I watched that oak tree grow and it is a special friend to me. When I moved to Cornwall, I wrote my wishes down and buried them int he roots of that tree and they have come true, I found my soulmate. I also use that tree as the starting point for my journeying.

So last time I went drumming, for our second journey, we were asked to go to our special place and conenct with the spirits of that place. I was alarmed as i knew this would be hard for me and emotional, because of the house selling and lose of my heart home. This is what happened....

I wandered through the gardens away from the oak tree, unable to find someone. Eventually I found an old lady sat under one of the huge lime trees, knitting. To begin with I just cried in her lap and she stroked my hair. An utter outpouring of my grief at losing this place that has been so important and loved within my life.

In time we talked. She told me that it was time to let go and in time she sends all her children out into the world. That we no longer needed this place and it was time for someone else to benefit. That it was time F and I grew our own heart home and started work on building a place that would grow through the generations such as this one had. She said I could visit in spirit and she told me something would be waiting under the tree for me and explained that I should leave a toe nail and a finger nail, bound with my hair and touched by a drop of my blood there too.

Because I had already said Good Bye and dealt with much of the emotion, I was able to go home and enjoy the stay and do what needed to be done without it spoiling my visit. For this I am very grateful. My grief would have been a burden to my parents as this move is very hard for them too....

I went to the tree and could see nothing so I went away and came back a couple of days later. i was more determined to find something the second time. I could not see anything. Then I saw an old weathered snail shell but it was so fragile, i could not have taken it with me. So I stood. And then I saw it. How I could have missed it I have no idea.... It would have been there the first time too. A large black raggedy feather. Probably a Crow's feather as it has no white and no irridescence.

Now this made me smile.... Sometime ago, i discovered I have Crow ancestors, my Great Great Grandmother was called Crow. So when I had to setup a new password at work, Grandma Crow popped in to my head. except I found myself talking to Grandma Crow once or twice and she sounded like the spirit of my home. Grandma Crone is one of her names too and she is very much the Crone and of the land. I met her husband too. A man who speaks with his eyes not words, who says just as much with a glance and a nod of his head between the fall sof his hammer as he works on hot metal....

One evening I was sat with my family and my Mum started talking about a couple who are their best friends. They recently moved and the wife was finding it very hard to let go of the house so she had a shaman come to the house to work with the spirits there. It sold soon after. (don't you just love messages from spirit?). My Dad was dismissive but I told my Mum I had been sending out anti-selling vibes as I was desperate to visit once more but now I would be sending out selling vibes.

I made my little bundle, although I had trouble with the blood. I don't bleed easily and I couldn't cut myself. So I cheated and got my Mum to do it! I got her to test my blood sugar (she is diabetic) and even with her special device, she had to have more than one go to get a tiny drop of blood... There was enough to smear on the little bundle I held hidden under the finger of my other hand.

I found each parent in turn and hugged them and had a brief conversation about letting go of the house and they both replied that they were ready to go. (Although by Dad sounded more grudging!). i took the bundle outside to the tree and left it there asking the spirits to relinquish my families guardianship of the land there and thanking them. I asked them to help my family to find it's new home quickly and that their new guardians would be called to the land there soon and be good guardians.

As I walked the garden one last time I spoke with Grandma Crow and this is what she said.

I taught you to walk on my earth
You grew breathing my air and I sang you to sleep
I bade you drink of my soul and strength
You sat by my fire and I warmed your heart

I feel blessed that this will never be Good Bye for me but I am unsure what role I have taken on with regards to that land. But that comes into another one of the posts I have to write today or over the next few days..... And Grandma Crow is my friend and is always there for a chat. Sometimes I hear the clack of her knitting needles as I feed the Crows at work and they peck up the bird seed....

Friday, 30 December 2011

Closing A Chapter

My time at my family home is very nearly over. F has been back in Cornwall and tonight I shall sleep with him and Little Dog again. It has been beautiful. My sense of peace and contentedness has done nothing but grow. The chapters of my story twisting around me have found their finishing words here, as I knew they would. And such lovely words too. I have so much too write about, all the things I have been saving, waiting... and for some things I have not saved too....

But those few of you that visit here will have to wait just a little longer as my time on my folks pc is short and I need to go and pack.

A chapter of my life is drawing to a close, the final words written even if they have not quite finished echoing. I leave here and I step into my future.

And the future is bright.

The future is full of Magpies.

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

I decided to delete the post I wrote yesterday. I needed to write it, to vent, but I am not comfortable leaving such negativity out there. I am not sure if I should be comfortable or not... I want to be at peace with my shadow not in love with it.... I was also having a dose of hormones it seems, which I was not expecting.

The thing is, although I have my irritation towards this person, they are a good, kind and caring person. Their only fault is that they are a little insensitive to those small cues others give so that you either live with things or you have to be very definite, stubborn and almost, rude. Not something I find easy.

They are retired and live alone with no Mother now and a Father who is nearing the end of his days and will be glad to rejoin the love of his life. Siblings all have kids and grandkids. I am not sure why she has no family of her own, why things did not work out that way exactly. I don't think it was what she wanted and I don't think there was enough flexibility there. But how can I say? Maybe the right person didn't turn up in this life? Maybe the right person turned out to be the wrong person. I look at pictures of the young woman with my Uncle and I look at her now and it is hard to believe they are the same. Did he change her like that? Or did she allow too much bitterness to remain in her heart? Or maybe if she had managed to be more flexible back then, maybe they would still be together....

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Snippets of Meaning

OK, so I believe in the power of dreams, I believe in synchronicity, in magic, in journeying within your own mind. So recently, I have been carrying along on this path and i thought I would write down some of the things waiting to be fully connected.... So this is me digging through these experiences and trying to put things together....


A recent journey saw me merging into the tree that is my journeying anchor. I sunk down and out of it's roots, tunneled through the soil as a mole before popping up above ground as a human again. I then ended up covering myself in clay, then sticking leaves on to the clay, before i went and merged again with a tree. Time started traveling very quickly, or rather, i slowed right down so everything else appeared to speed up. i found myself dormant underground several times before sprouting up again as another tre. Sometimes i was a human climbing in my trees branches. There were lots of magpies living in my branches.

Now the focus of the day was connecting with the earth, which I sure did. I am not sure what I learned exactly.... But I found this article on the shamanic connection with trees and i also found a section of Wapeyit's blog post on Intimacy very relevant.

It seems that the shaman is very connected to their tree and the world tree is fundamental to shamanic culture. The tree grows between the realms and is an important gateway. The tree can represent the world, a community or an individual shaman. I did feel that in merging with my tree, that it was mine, not a community tree. This tree often has inhabitants and these are spirits in their own right. Trees sometimes nurture the soul of shaman and the animals that appear in the tree are important, which confirms Magpies importance to me because there was quite a lot of them! I also climed to the very top of my tree.

Now the one thing that really surprised me in all of this was how sensual this journey was. The feel of the clay on my body, the feel of the rough bark of the tree as we came together to merge. It really took me aback. Wapeyit talks about intimacy with nature and how.....No point me explaining it all, go read it! but it made sense and explained what was going on in my journey as well.

So getting to meet my tree and becoming part of it and finding my magpies in my branches and being intimate with Mother Earth.... all good. It was a nice journey for sure!


Wapeyit, as a result of a dream I had, suggested I should be trying to dream at a higher level and reaching out to my Magpie within my dream. I did this and well, that is a story in itself, but not for now. She then suggested I follow the synchronicity for a few days after. And this is the story of those happenings....

On the way to work the following day I saw a flock of birds. i can't remember the last time I saw one. They fly so tight together and wheel around as if they are one, in an ever changing shape.... I could watch flocks like this for ever.... The following morning on the way to work, Flockhart jumped off the side of a van at me. The words Flock and Heart led me to this video....

In this video, six people materialise, one of whom is wearing an animals head. They help an egg of energy come out of the ground and then take it to a hall. They lie around it and then it cracks open to reveal lots of people in heart costumes dancing around with people holding rainbows and ladies carrying rabbits....

On the first day I also had quite a gathering of birds at lunchtime, including a few too many gulls and some crows invading my normal crows territory (they got seen off pretty quick!). A tiny little Pied Wagtail wandered right in to the middle of all this and managed to get some bread. I always think of these little birds as being little pieces of happiness... The way their tails wag and their colouring - like little mini-magpies....

So... I don't find the thinking easy behind working out what things mean - it takes time, and effort, and a certain .... flexibility that is not what my brain with it's scientific training finds easy. There is no manual of interpretation. I am so at the beginning of this, but I do want to learn....

So I guess the heart of a flock should be happy and full of love. Except the heart is everywhere because the entire flock is as one. This makes me wonder what flock exactly am I moving in perfect synch with?


The other thing that really stuck out was a drop of water falling from above into my open hands (the mobile phone in them is immaterial). The drop was not real though, which is fine - I find I am getting more flexible and able to cope with real and non-real stuff side by side. One part of my brain knows it was light reflecting in the drops of water on my windscreen, caught out of the corner of my eye, the other part of brain does not care.

Outstretched hands receiving water is an image we have all seen, but I am not sure I really have any idea at all what it means.... So this is my e-hunt...

I found these beautiful images... Who knew there was so much beauty and variety within a drop of water?

Two hands with a drop of water with the Earth inside it is a symbol of environmental protection.

and a verse from a song... Little drops of water, little grains of sand, make the mighty ocean and the beauteous land.

Water has so many meanings and uses... cleansing, relieveing thirst, the water of life....

and this book....

So what does a gift of a drop of water mean? I think easier to ask what it couldn't mean.....

Saturday, 10 December 2011

Flock Heart

I don't know where to begin at the moment. Things are happening in my life, event chains have begun but nothing is near completion or explanation at all. Do you ever have that nebulous stage when you are learning things? before they are ready for sharing?

My journeys of a couple of weeks a go are still maturing in my head, and will be until after Christmas and my next visit home. Lisa has been gently guiding me and I have a few things to work on there. Some done, some undone. Some gently unfolding.

I did a meditation exercise to connect with my totem and call them in to my dreams. This did not work as expected but resulted in some instruction on not takng on others emotions and energy - a long term issue. Apparently I am 97% there, I just have a little further to go.

I now have to follow the chain of synchronicity and see what happens. These things are hard for me to interpret and take time to unfold and piece together. Flocks of birds, Flock Heart, flock of hearts.

I am learning and moving

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Strike One

Many thousands of people went on strike in the UK yesterday and there was a lot of public support for it. F was at one march and sw no negativity and a lot of appreciation for what people are doing. Somehow this is not what the news is saying though. These public sector workers are being given a hard time for being greedy in seeking to protect their gold plated pensions and disruptive and selfish in failing to do their jobs and provide vital services.

Well this would be what we hear generally because most of our media supports our government. they try and give an appearance of being balanced but the bias is clear.

These pensions are not gold plated. the strikers are striking so that they do not have to pay work, work longer and get less when they do retire. They are striking not just for themselves but for every other worker in this country who does not what to have to retire later, because the private sector will be next.

Who wants a 68 year old trying to carry them out of their first floor flat when they are unwell? Who would expect a 68 year old nurse to work the night shift and lift people in and out of bed? Who would expect a 68 year old PE teacher to run around with teenagers? And so many other professions..... thing what it would really mean to people, to you, if you had to work to that age doing what you do, doing what they do.

I work in a fairly physical sort of an environment and one of the guys is nearing retirement. he goes at things just as hard as a younger bloke, but he shouldn't. He gets ill, he has injuries. Some days he looks old and tired. He does not get paid if he is sick. Well he gets statutory sick pay but that does not count for much....

My parents - my Dad retired early but he had a bad leg infection and was in Intensive Care and came close to losing his leg. Now he is on permanent antibiotics and has pain and swelling. he can't stand or walk for long. i can't imagine how on earth he would cope if he had not been able to retire...

My Mum is diabetic, has underactive thyroid and high blood pressure. She is due to retire soon as she has reached that age and I can not imagine how she would cope working much longer either.

How many people are really, so very healthy, that at 68 they can still work as well as a 30 year old or 50 year old? It is hard enough for many people at the current retirement age!

And people think it is just about money!

One colleague started spouting today not realising that F had been on strike. It also seems he had no idea about the retirement age changing and when I explained he was like, no, that just isn't practical. I agreed and stated that was why many people were striking. he couldn't quite believe that this important fact was being left out. he couldn't quite believe that the BBC was not completely impartial.....

The unions have been telling the strikers that there is a lot of ignorance about all this and also not to believe what they hear on the media about the range of support. You only have to look onfacebook to realise that there is a lot of support out there.....