Lots going on, underneath the surface.  Although I am making progress, sometimes I feel a bit stuck right now.  I am not sure where my path is headed or what I can do to help things.  Somethings my teacher, Lisa, said, helped me understand that some of what I am feeling is universal right now, following the meteorite.  What is not universal though is my feeling of fear of the future or my feeling of being a bit stuck.

I think I need to go back to writing a journal, day to day.

I think, when the dreaming next gives me a gift, I need to grab it with both hands and not um and ah till the door closes again.

Since the shamanic weekend we attended three weeks ago, we have been trying to eat better.  Buying decent quality meat from a local award winning butcher.  Eating lots of veg.  Cooking from scratch.  I have been enjoying it but as always, when I start being good with food I notice that some foods do not really agree with me.  I have had to reduce my wheat intake considerably.

F has been monopolising the computers which was alright to begin with but over the course of a few weeks has become increasingly irritating.  He could not play the game he wished to play on his so he started using mine.  He moved his monitor over and his keyboard.  Moved a lot of the things on my desk off and his things on.  He started to live on my computer, taking up a lot of the available space in the room, in more ways than one.  He left the other computer keyboardless.  To add to this, while playing his game, he would often be chatting to friends.  The software for that is on the other computer, so he would be sat here using both computers and taking up all the space.

One day I came up to use the spare computer and he made me feel pretty uncomfortable.  There had to be much sortingout of keyboards before I could even begin.  It just generally felt like I could not be in here.  Today I got up before him and I am still here even though he is awake.  I know the second I leave the computer, he will be on it like a Hawk!  It is frustrating...  It has made it less natural to do my things online and I miss them.  No easy days of Ancestral research.  No blogging, for I find it hard to write a post when I am a bit cross!

I have created a new blog.  Mostly because I had to have a wordpress account in order to read some blogs I wanted to.  It felt wrong to create a blog and write nothing on it, so I have.  It feels like a different sort of space to here.  Here things have developed into a fairly concrete sort of a blog.  There is little whimsy and magic, for this is a place of thought and striving for understanding.

You can visit it at http://magpieblues.wordpress.com/

Moon Wind

Conversations with others have shown that my trip around the Wheel is a little unusual but the purpose of it is clear!  Normally people focus on their roles and the five totems that go with them.  this is the bulk of what we are and what we do.  Instead of looking at these I dived into a journey with the Moons which is lovely and bountiful and has been such a source of goodness for me.  It seems if our Moons are broken or unbalanced then so are our Roles / Winds and we have to go back to our Moons to fix things.  Moons are our ego, our inner child.

So I don't know my five main totems but I know most of my Moon totems which is an unusual way round to be!

I found my first eight Moon totems as we processed through each Moon.  This drew to a halt at the Blue Moon and we began again.  However, last year was the Moon of Breaking Masks for me and I found my totem for that Moon during that year and this year is my Moon of Reason and I have found my totem for this Moon too!  I have to wait a few Moons to reach the last two Moons, Humility and Metamorphosis.

I find now that if I am dreaming anything related to any of the Moons, my totem for that Moon appears in the dream.  I like this, it works well for me.  It also leaves me a gap in my Dreaming intent to look at something else and to see what the dreams bring to me, hopefully my totems for the four Winds I am unsure of.  I need to dig at this.  Winds run from New Moon to New Moon and they do not run in sequence so I am unsure if I should work with the Wind of the Moon or the to lok at them in my own sequence. 

I do know that we are currently in the Peacekeeper which sits in my West and that I found a new totem this weekend, or rather, it found me.  I don't know that I want to talk about that here yet, I thnk I want to sit with it for a bit and brew it up, or should that be run?
 
I don't know why this is the place I set my intents but it is, so I guess I am looking to work out how to work with my Dreamer at looking at my roles.