Testing Times

Well I didn't get another increase in medication, which I was a bit upset about.  I have been all over the place with my other hormones too but I am finally off the medication to reset those and really hope they will settle down now.  But I still feel tired.

This weekend I still had to nap.

I know I have got to get on and try to sort out other aspects of my health and see if it is easier to do so now, see if I can change things.  Because things need to change.

I am definately not feeling chatty and by the time I get in of an evening I don't want to do much and weekends I spend recovering.  So there is a list of things I want to write about but I just don't seem to get here to do it.  Things are still happening, I am still thinking and progressing, just by the time I get anywhere near a pc to write, I am beyond it.

I need to look at Jackdaw for this Moon of Affirmation.  I also believe Sparrow is my totem for the Moon of Reason, my current year.  Then I had some dreams this last week, of course I am always having dreams....  Except this afternoon when I asked for a healing dream, and I know I dreamt but not a trace remained when I woke...

Anyway, both these dreams were set at my old family home and Grandma Crow was in charge giving me tests.  The first night she was asking me questions and I had to say which plant symbolically fit.  I know I got the first two questions and I don't remember them.  The third she just said the name of the town where the college was that I studied my a-levels - and where I met my first love.  I was by the french wondows which have honeysuckle growing up one side and winter jasmine on the other.  I was trying to think of the latin name for honeysuckle.  I was unsure of the answer and guessed Honeysuckle.  I was wrong, but also the Winter Jasmine had been replaced by a huge white rose bush.

Now this got me thinking about the nature of my first love because honeysuckle is all about love neverending, entwinned together, well established.  White Rose is all about innocent, new, fresh love.  I started to worry about what that meant for that old love, and got thinking about past lives etc.  To be honest I got bogged down in the question and stopped thinking about the questioning.

So the second night I was back and there were more tests.  A whole load of people in mascot costumes dressed up as different birds.  I became a bit less worried about any messages about past relationships.  Tjose tests were definately not passed!  But I have much learning to do....

What has been obvious since the second dream is suddeny people are making it clear to me what some of their bird totems might me...

A bird flew into the warehouse and the only person to see it or hear it said it was a Robin but that they thought it was no longer there because they had been whistling with it and it was no longer answering.  It made me think about the Robin being this persons totem and it gave me an insight or too both ways, about the person and about the totem.

Then I had my had my hair done - blue black with green and blue bits, like a Magpie, because I like Magpies....  Except other people saw other birds in it and that told me things about them too....  So I guess this is a teaching thing, looking at symbolism and relationships between things....