Eyes have been cropping up a little for me recently. My last Full Moon Dreamboard (a collage of things that I find in magazines and the like that I do each Full Moon) was full of them. Eyes closed, eyes open, eyes behind sunglasses. Then last moons picture was eyes too....
Then there has been eyes in songs - M83's Midnight City has children with strange glowy blue eyes and interesting abilities and there is something I like very much about this song... Then there is Gotye's Eyes Wide Open. Both of these songs speak strongly to me right now.
A theme earlier on in the year was listening and seeing, being fully aware of what goes on around us. They are still things I am working on. Eyes obviously are very much about seeing... but they are windows too, it goes both ways, people can see us in our eyes and they can see themselves reflected back.
Trying to live as a Dreamer means trying to listen to these messages, these synchronicities, to follow the things that come up. Synchronicity is the dream in our waking life and they offer important insigts into things. Anything that keeps coming up like this in so many ways is something important to me and my development right now. I am continuing to sit with it, to work on it, until I figure it out...
But there is huge symbolism behind eyes- Christians have the all seeing eye of God who sees into your soul. Egyptians had the Eye of Ra which is a symbol of life and protection. Occult traditions often see the left eye as lunar and the right as solar. Then there is the third eye which is all about intuition, spirituality and seeing things from the cosmic perspective. There is also a link to prophesy.
The most interesting part of the above link to me though was what it says about eyes in dreaming. Here eyes mean an opening into a new dimension, in fact, I am just going to copy and paste....
the meaning of eyes indicates an opening into a new dimension. This is symbolic of your vision clearing and focusing in on a new direction. It may also indicate your ability to see past what is common and spiritually arrive to the point where your inner vision perceives all things in their divine glory - even the simplest of things become imbued with an exquisite quality inherent in all nature.
Oooh..... So if you take everything together it is all about an opening to other dimensions and realities. Time is a dimension too. Everything is connected so an all seeing eye would be able to see, well, everything.
So maybe my eyes are a warning that things are about to change, maybe they are a suggestion to try and see more...
Saturday, 17 March 2012
News
So what news do I have...? Not much really. I am as dippy as usual about things. i texted a friend yesterday to see what time we were meeting, only to find it is next week.... Oops!
Today F and I made the most of the sun and went out. First we went to Smokey's for a fry up. This is a local truck stop / greasy spoon and is a very good place to know about. Doesn't look like much but the car park is always busy and in the Summer the queue stretches out the door.
Then we went to godrevy. Godrevy is the headland at one end of the Gwithian / St Ives Bay. The headland has Godrevy island off it, home to the lighthouse and the headland is rocky with little protected areas of sand. Then as you get further in you reach Godrevy beach, home of surfers where the Red River flows into the sea. There the beach turns into the long sweep, past the old sand escavations, now flooded and home to birds, past the towan (sand dunes) of gwithian, past the sand dunes of Phillack, a little village that sits between Hayle town and the sea, past the black cliffs to the mouth of the Hayle estuary. The other side of the estuary the beaches of Carbis Bay and St Ives glitter in the sun.
We managed to park eventually on the headland and then walked down to the beach. We normally walk around the headland but today we scrambled over rocks. We spent an hour and a half exploring a very small area. Those rocks look like they form a solid plateau from above but in reality water has carved channels through them in every direction. Some have been made by water flowing out of the cliffs, others by the sea and some by both. Some run from land to sea and others run parallel. Some are alley ways and others are little rocky clefts and others are almost caves while some actually are little cavelike tunnels.
It was lovely.
Generally my life does not feel eventful at the moment but that is all good. All the thinking and stuff is going on underneath. I am continuing to learn about my Ancestor, the one who fought in the Crimean. I have just read somebodies diary of the Crimean and it was fascinating. i have however pieced together that he did not suffer the full horror of the war, he arrived after the winter, so starvation, bitter cold and Cholera were not a combination he had to suffer... Instead he was surrounded by Cholera and burning heat... It seems he went and raided the seaside towns before going to the Siege of Sebastopol. I now have a diary of the Indian Mutiny to read and then I also have a book about his regiment coming too.
In other news, F and I have finally booked our honeymoon! we got a fantastic deal on a holiday to Rhodes, one of the Greek islands. I guess tourism must be suffering a little.... I am really lookig forward to it and I have been planning excursions, reading books, buying clothes.... and deciding what books I wish to take for the days we stay cocooned between the sea and the swimming pool.... Can't wait!
Today F and I made the most of the sun and went out. First we went to Smokey's for a fry up. This is a local truck stop / greasy spoon and is a very good place to know about. Doesn't look like much but the car park is always busy and in the Summer the queue stretches out the door.
Then we went to godrevy. Godrevy is the headland at one end of the Gwithian / St Ives Bay. The headland has Godrevy island off it, home to the lighthouse and the headland is rocky with little protected areas of sand. Then as you get further in you reach Godrevy beach, home of surfers where the Red River flows into the sea. There the beach turns into the long sweep, past the old sand escavations, now flooded and home to birds, past the towan (sand dunes) of gwithian, past the sand dunes of Phillack, a little village that sits between Hayle town and the sea, past the black cliffs to the mouth of the Hayle estuary. The other side of the estuary the beaches of Carbis Bay and St Ives glitter in the sun.
We managed to park eventually on the headland and then walked down to the beach. We normally walk around the headland but today we scrambled over rocks. We spent an hour and a half exploring a very small area. Those rocks look like they form a solid plateau from above but in reality water has carved channels through them in every direction. Some have been made by water flowing out of the cliffs, others by the sea and some by both. Some run from land to sea and others run parallel. Some are alley ways and others are little rocky clefts and others are almost caves while some actually are little cavelike tunnels.
It was lovely.
Generally my life does not feel eventful at the moment but that is all good. All the thinking and stuff is going on underneath. I am continuing to learn about my Ancestor, the one who fought in the Crimean. I have just read somebodies diary of the Crimean and it was fascinating. i have however pieced together that he did not suffer the full horror of the war, he arrived after the winter, so starvation, bitter cold and Cholera were not a combination he had to suffer... Instead he was surrounded by Cholera and burning heat... It seems he went and raided the seaside towns before going to the Siege of Sebastopol. I now have a diary of the Indian Mutiny to read and then I also have a book about his regiment coming too.
In other news, F and I have finally booked our honeymoon! we got a fantastic deal on a holiday to Rhodes, one of the Greek islands. I guess tourism must be suffering a little.... I am really lookig forward to it and I have been planning excursions, reading books, buying clothes.... and deciding what books I wish to take for the days we stay cocooned between the sea and the swimming pool.... Can't wait!
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Moon of Drama Introduction
So last Thursday we entered the Moon of Drama. It's negative is Repression so I guess to me that says that Drama means Expression. Drama in terms of Expression means to me the playing out of stories, looking for themes in our lives and acting them out. Bringing out those themes into the outside world.
I have had years of this moon at ages 3, 16 and 29. I am not aware of bad things happening in those years. I don't remember anything from age three, but at 16 I had newly recovered from my first attack of Glandular Fever and had left my hated school to go to College to take my A-Levels. I discovered that I did fit somewhere and that people liked me. I discovered as well that I was popular with the biys and had my pick of who to 'go out with'. It was all pretty innocent back then!
At 29 I had recently given up on trying to find Environmental work down here and had signed up with an Admin temping agency again. I found myself working for a lovely bunch of ladies who made good use of my abilities and creativity. During this year I started a jewellery making course and learned beadwork. It was the year my creativity re-blossomed. It was also the year F asked me to marry him.
So this has historically been a good time for me to express myself or an aspect of myself and for it to find acceptance in the world.
Wheelkeeper and Wapeyit discuss this Moon a little. There is a further aspect to this moon of mimicing that which we admire in order to become it. Who we choose as our role models says a lot about us as people and who we are on the inside and what stories we would like to bring out. The way in which a 3 year old mimics what they find beautiful is very relevant to this moon and it makes me wonder what I found beautiful back then...
The thing that springs to mind is David Bellamy. Not sure how widely known / remembered he is but he was a Botanist who loved nothing better than to squelch around in bogs. When I was little I adored his programs and my parents brought me one of his books one birthday or Christmas called Botanic Man. This was released when I was two but I suspect it was brought for me during my first year of Drama. This fascination with the outdoors never left me and I still think bogs and mores and swamps are very, very beautiful....
So the natural world, social acceptance / popularity and creativity have been the three themes of my years of Drama. I have a little less than four weeks to manifest some smaller aspect of my inner self, some small thing that I find beautiful. What would I like to bring out? What will life find a way for me to bring out?
This puts an interesting spin on this months Dreamboard which contains the following images: a head with it's top part up like a lid showing the brain, with rays coming out on a background of stars, a section of face wearing sunglasses, a narrow path in a wood lit up by sunlight, people reading books in hammocks, a reindeer staring into the distance, a woman swinging her hair around, a brightly coloured lizard, the word filth, eyes - lots of them - shut, open and mystical looking. Then there are words too....
This months dreamboard is a little different from previous ones in it's look and feel. It is not serene, there is a lot of examination, self-understanding, seeing and fun in it.... It is full of Drama for sure and the Reindeer makes me think of the spirit of my drum.
I have had years of this moon at ages 3, 16 and 29. I am not aware of bad things happening in those years. I don't remember anything from age three, but at 16 I had newly recovered from my first attack of Glandular Fever and had left my hated school to go to College to take my A-Levels. I discovered that I did fit somewhere and that people liked me. I discovered as well that I was popular with the biys and had my pick of who to 'go out with'. It was all pretty innocent back then!
At 29 I had recently given up on trying to find Environmental work down here and had signed up with an Admin temping agency again. I found myself working for a lovely bunch of ladies who made good use of my abilities and creativity. During this year I started a jewellery making course and learned beadwork. It was the year my creativity re-blossomed. It was also the year F asked me to marry him.
So this has historically been a good time for me to express myself or an aspect of myself and for it to find acceptance in the world.
Wheelkeeper and Wapeyit discuss this Moon a little. There is a further aspect to this moon of mimicing that which we admire in order to become it. Who we choose as our role models says a lot about us as people and who we are on the inside and what stories we would like to bring out. The way in which a 3 year old mimics what they find beautiful is very relevant to this moon and it makes me wonder what I found beautiful back then...
The thing that springs to mind is David Bellamy. Not sure how widely known / remembered he is but he was a Botanist who loved nothing better than to squelch around in bogs. When I was little I adored his programs and my parents brought me one of his books one birthday or Christmas called Botanic Man. This was released when I was two but I suspect it was brought for me during my first year of Drama. This fascination with the outdoors never left me and I still think bogs and mores and swamps are very, very beautiful....
So the natural world, social acceptance / popularity and creativity have been the three themes of my years of Drama. I have a little less than four weeks to manifest some smaller aspect of my inner self, some small thing that I find beautiful. What would I like to bring out? What will life find a way for me to bring out?
This puts an interesting spin on this months Dreamboard which contains the following images: a head with it's top part up like a lid showing the brain, with rays coming out on a background of stars, a section of face wearing sunglasses, a narrow path in a wood lit up by sunlight, people reading books in hammocks, a reindeer staring into the distance, a woman swinging her hair around, a brightly coloured lizard, the word filth, eyes - lots of them - shut, open and mystical looking. Then there are words too....
This months dreamboard is a little different from previous ones in it's look and feel. It is not serene, there is a lot of examination, self-understanding, seeing and fun in it.... It is full of Drama for sure and the Reindeer makes me think of the spirit of my drum.
Friday, 9 March 2012
Moon of Affirmation Review
Began - 7th February
New Moon - 21st February
Ended - 8th March
Not sure where I put my Dreamboard so I shall have to post that later.....
I think this moon has changed my view of Affirmation considerably. I was not very sure what was going on at the beginning, what the theme was, where it was heading. The previous moons Initiator Wind meant it hit like a hurricane but this months Nomad Wind (first half) has meant this moon has been less harsh but just as powerful.
An affirmation was to me, all about making statements of what you are or wished to be to strengthen those aspects of yourself or bring them in to your life. Very positive and strong and maybe a bit glossy and pretty. I thought it would be a very positive happy month because I was affirming all that was good about myself and while this could be one interpretation, I no longer see it as the only one. I think it is the light side, the day time, but without a doubt there is a dark side or night time as well. Not that that means bad at all!
What I have learnt is that Affirmation is as much about stating what you are not, what is not yours as stating what you are and what is yours. This has been brought home in so many subtle instances this month (and I am really, really glad that it did not get the sledge hammer approach as it would have really disrupted my life!).
My ghost has been introduced to me this month, firstly he appeared as a nameness sad emotion, a depression of sorts that I just knew was not mine. Once I realised it was not mine, it became easier to deal with because I did not have to take it on board fully then. Synchronicity and a good deal of questioning has helped with this, but the impact on my sleep and my dreams has been considerable.
The Nomad wind helped get to grips with this and understand it but the second half of the month was the Peacekeeper wind. Don't see the word and think they are all sweetness and light. Peacekeepers defend the peace, so they are more than up to fighting when they need to. They are also well able to start conflict in order to bring about greater peace. Not sure I know much more about them yet....
So the sleep disruption has continued and there has been some very grim and gory dreams, the sort I naturally recoil from and fight to forget, not remember. And the lack of sleep has not decreased either.
The exploration of affirming what you are and are not has been explored in so many ways! I found myself having a conversation the other day about how some people are very strongly defined by their partner in life. I told a story of a relative who was lovely when he was with his first wife but after she died and he remarried he changed. His new wife is argumentative, selfish and more than a little unpleasant. He no longer speaks to either of his children or sees his grandchildren. In fact he emigrated. His brother is very ill and has asked if he would come over to visit one last time. He has been very non-commmital about coming over and has certainly not even really wanted to talk on the phone....
And as I thought, this change is not that uncommon. I can think of several examples! The man whose wife gave him a ral depth but after her death he lost this depth and became very materialistic and appearance orientated. The lady whose twin committed suicide, which caused her to take up her dead twins life and personality for many years. The man with the controling girlfriend who buys her an expensive present for her birthday but when it comes to his birthday he gets nothing because it is a 'bad' time of the year and they have to start saving for their wedding....
All these people do not stand firm in their knowledge of who and what they are. They believe the strongest persons views and characteristics are their own - for good and bad.
At the begining I did kind of understand that 'I AM' is an affirmation. Of existance certainly, but now I see it as the most powerful affirmation going because it says so very, very much. It says to me now I know myself, i know the good and the bad, all of it, for better and for worse but I also know all that I am not. And this has been explored in so many ways within my community within so many topics - boundaries, silence, mental conditions (in view of the noise they can create within your head) and family / ancestral aspects.
The other thing I have realised this Moon is sometimes, when we are being a bit hard on ourselves about what we are not, the Universe affirms what we are instead. We just have to listen to these gentle reminders and then live in what we are instead.
I am fat and unfit. I lack stamina and getted tired easily. I had Chronic Fatigue years ago, and with each year there is a little less of it. Now I am pretty normal, just fat and unfit. I was focusing on this a little too much. So I received the lesson, Hey you may be fat and unfit but you are STRONG! I have learnt that the little voice that makes me leave home on time to get to work and makes me go the right way, sometimes has ulterior motives - sometimes it makes me earyly and sends me a specific way in order to help.
The other week, a junction was blocked by a land rover that had broken down. I offered to help push. Unfortunately not a single person from the queue of cars waiting offered to help! They all sat and watched the fat woman push a Land Rover, by herself! There luckily was a little bit of a hill but I still had to get it up the curb and then over a bump into some parking but I did it! And I felt pretty good after!
The other affirmation I recieved was this. I can be a little reserves with new people - I don't immediately let everyone see all of me. Much of my humour requires ease with individual people. F is the one who charms everyone on first meeting, not me. But my relationship with him allows me to be more charming on first meeting people too, because I bounce off him... Anyway, we saw a friend recently who told me her boyfriend was really disappointed that he couldn't be there because he had really enjoyed meeting me... Me out of everyone else in the group. That felt nice. I guess some people like a slightly calmer approach....
I had no idea what I was looking for for this months picture until I found it. I couldn't find a picture of the moon that fitted for me, but this one is perfect! I also found this story much much harder to bring together into a coherent narrative. It doesn't feel as finished as right as last months...
Once upon a time she awoke and suddenly there was so much. She could see everything, hear everything, feel everything, smell everything, taste everything. It was too much, overwhelming, drowning out who she was. What was she?
She pulled her black shawl around herself and drowned everything out. From inside this quiet place she looked inside herself, listened to herself, felt how she felt, smelt all she could smell and tasted everything. She started to realise who she was and where she was in everything.
She realised that in order to learn more of who she was, she needed to look outside of herself, so she opened up her shawl a tiny little bit, just enough to let in a little light, a little sound, a little smell, a little feeling. It felt good and she did not lose herself in it this time.
Gradually she let her shawl fall more and more, until she looked out upon the entire Universe and it was good. She was Moon striding across the heavens and when she looked at Earth, sometimes she could see little reflections of herself in all the water. Sometimes when she listened to the stars singing around her, she could hear her own song reflected back to her.
But gradually she felt that she had had enough and she pulled her shawl around herself again, so that she might Dream and Think and Be. But she knew she would be back, shining bright in the sky soon, being herself and all that she was.
New Moon - 21st February
Ended - 8th March
Not sure where I put my Dreamboard so I shall have to post that later.....
I think this moon has changed my view of Affirmation considerably. I was not very sure what was going on at the beginning, what the theme was, where it was heading. The previous moons Initiator Wind meant it hit like a hurricane but this months Nomad Wind (first half) has meant this moon has been less harsh but just as powerful.
An affirmation was to me, all about making statements of what you are or wished to be to strengthen those aspects of yourself or bring them in to your life. Very positive and strong and maybe a bit glossy and pretty. I thought it would be a very positive happy month because I was affirming all that was good about myself and while this could be one interpretation, I no longer see it as the only one. I think it is the light side, the day time, but without a doubt there is a dark side or night time as well. Not that that means bad at all!
What I have learnt is that Affirmation is as much about stating what you are not, what is not yours as stating what you are and what is yours. This has been brought home in so many subtle instances this month (and I am really, really glad that it did not get the sledge hammer approach as it would have really disrupted my life!).
My ghost has been introduced to me this month, firstly he appeared as a nameness sad emotion, a depression of sorts that I just knew was not mine. Once I realised it was not mine, it became easier to deal with because I did not have to take it on board fully then. Synchronicity and a good deal of questioning has helped with this, but the impact on my sleep and my dreams has been considerable.
The Nomad wind helped get to grips with this and understand it but the second half of the month was the Peacekeeper wind. Don't see the word and think they are all sweetness and light. Peacekeepers defend the peace, so they are more than up to fighting when they need to. They are also well able to start conflict in order to bring about greater peace. Not sure I know much more about them yet....
So the sleep disruption has continued and there has been some very grim and gory dreams, the sort I naturally recoil from and fight to forget, not remember. And the lack of sleep has not decreased either.
The exploration of affirming what you are and are not has been explored in so many ways! I found myself having a conversation the other day about how some people are very strongly defined by their partner in life. I told a story of a relative who was lovely when he was with his first wife but after she died and he remarried he changed. His new wife is argumentative, selfish and more than a little unpleasant. He no longer speaks to either of his children or sees his grandchildren. In fact he emigrated. His brother is very ill and has asked if he would come over to visit one last time. He has been very non-commmital about coming over and has certainly not even really wanted to talk on the phone....
And as I thought, this change is not that uncommon. I can think of several examples! The man whose wife gave him a ral depth but after her death he lost this depth and became very materialistic and appearance orientated. The lady whose twin committed suicide, which caused her to take up her dead twins life and personality for many years. The man with the controling girlfriend who buys her an expensive present for her birthday but when it comes to his birthday he gets nothing because it is a 'bad' time of the year and they have to start saving for their wedding....
All these people do not stand firm in their knowledge of who and what they are. They believe the strongest persons views and characteristics are their own - for good and bad.
At the begining I did kind of understand that 'I AM' is an affirmation. Of existance certainly, but now I see it as the most powerful affirmation going because it says so very, very much. It says to me now I know myself, i know the good and the bad, all of it, for better and for worse but I also know all that I am not. And this has been explored in so many ways within my community within so many topics - boundaries, silence, mental conditions (in view of the noise they can create within your head) and family / ancestral aspects.
The other thing I have realised this Moon is sometimes, when we are being a bit hard on ourselves about what we are not, the Universe affirms what we are instead. We just have to listen to these gentle reminders and then live in what we are instead.
I am fat and unfit. I lack stamina and getted tired easily. I had Chronic Fatigue years ago, and with each year there is a little less of it. Now I am pretty normal, just fat and unfit. I was focusing on this a little too much. So I received the lesson, Hey you may be fat and unfit but you are STRONG! I have learnt that the little voice that makes me leave home on time to get to work and makes me go the right way, sometimes has ulterior motives - sometimes it makes me earyly and sends me a specific way in order to help.
The other week, a junction was blocked by a land rover that had broken down. I offered to help push. Unfortunately not a single person from the queue of cars waiting offered to help! They all sat and watched the fat woman push a Land Rover, by herself! There luckily was a little bit of a hill but I still had to get it up the curb and then over a bump into some parking but I did it! And I felt pretty good after!
The other affirmation I recieved was this. I can be a little reserves with new people - I don't immediately let everyone see all of me. Much of my humour requires ease with individual people. F is the one who charms everyone on first meeting, not me. But my relationship with him allows me to be more charming on first meeting people too, because I bounce off him... Anyway, we saw a friend recently who told me her boyfriend was really disappointed that he couldn't be there because he had really enjoyed meeting me... Me out of everyone else in the group. That felt nice. I guess some people like a slightly calmer approach....
Source: google.ca via Marie-Pier on Pinterest
I had no idea what I was looking for for this months picture until I found it. I couldn't find a picture of the moon that fitted for me, but this one is perfect! I also found this story much much harder to bring together into a coherent narrative. It doesn't feel as finished as right as last months...
Once upon a time she awoke and suddenly there was so much. She could see everything, hear everything, feel everything, smell everything, taste everything. It was too much, overwhelming, drowning out who she was. What was she?
She pulled her black shawl around herself and drowned everything out. From inside this quiet place she looked inside herself, listened to herself, felt how she felt, smelt all she could smell and tasted everything. She started to realise who she was and where she was in everything.
She realised that in order to learn more of who she was, she needed to look outside of herself, so she opened up her shawl a tiny little bit, just enough to let in a little light, a little sound, a little smell, a little feeling. It felt good and she did not lose herself in it this time.
Gradually she let her shawl fall more and more, until she looked out upon the entire Universe and it was good. She was Moon striding across the heavens and when she looked at Earth, sometimes she could see little reflections of herself in all the water. Sometimes when she listened to the stars singing around her, she could hear her own song reflected back to her.
But gradually she felt that she had had enough and she pulled her shawl around herself again, so that she might Dream and Think and Be. But she knew she would be back, shining bright in the sky soon, being herself and all that she was.
Thursday, 8 March 2012
I don't know where this week has gone at all. I have a half written post for last month's Moon of Affirmation but I need to add pictures and things to it and finish my story for the moon (not even started that!)
This moon is the Moon of Drama and I did my dreamboard for it last night - and it certainly has plenty of drama! A little different from previous dreamboards - full of eyes for one thing. And I found a lovely picture of a reindeer staring into the distance - somehow I knew that I had to pick up two random magazines from upstairs that I had no intention of using and there it was....
I have a lot of catching up to do this weekend for sure! But I will do my review post for the Moon of Affirmation and my intro post for the Moon of Drama.
While I never got ill this week, I have grown a nice little cold sore and I have had a couple of days where I could feel myself teetering on the edge of getting ill. So not behind, just gently taking care of myself.
Oh and I started a new Wreck This Journal. A friend suggested doing it together. The nice thing is, some of the things that require close contact with the book can get done this time. Last time the first thing I did with the book made it rather mucky! Having fun so far! Doing the pretty things first and then going to really destroy it! *grin*
This moon is the Moon of Drama and I did my dreamboard for it last night - and it certainly has plenty of drama! A little different from previous dreamboards - full of eyes for one thing. And I found a lovely picture of a reindeer staring into the distance - somehow I knew that I had to pick up two random magazines from upstairs that I had no intention of using and there it was....
I have a lot of catching up to do this weekend for sure! But I will do my review post for the Moon of Affirmation and my intro post for the Moon of Drama.
While I never got ill this week, I have grown a nice little cold sore and I have had a couple of days where I could feel myself teetering on the edge of getting ill. So not behind, just gently taking care of myself.
Oh and I started a new Wreck This Journal. A friend suggested doing it together. The nice thing is, some of the things that require close contact with the book can get done this time. Last time the first thing I did with the book made it rather mucky! Having fun so far! Doing the pretty things first and then going to really destroy it! *grin*
Sunday, 4 March 2012
E is for Elder
Elder is a stage of life, the last stage before death. This period of life sits in the North East of the Medicine Wheel as we are born / reborn in the East. In Native American culture, Elders were venerated and respected. They were looked after and valued. They remained a part of their families and their experience and wisdom was a treasure for their community.
I look around and I don't see so much of this in the community I live in. I don't see much of it in my life either. Well I guess, as much as I hate saying it, my parents and their friends are passing into Elder territory and I very much respect and like them.... But the generation before....
Both my Grandfathers died before I was born and I would love to have known both of them very much. Neither one of my Grandmothers has been a strong role model for good. G was a difficult lady, at least for family, non-family did not see that side so much. She caused a great deal of heartache and difficulty and she was definately a trouble maker. At her funeral we were asked to spend a moment in a good memory of being with her. I was horrified to realise I could not find one memory that made me happy, one that was not tainted with the memory of how she was.
This has become easier over time and last year, G and I reached a point of forgiveness. She was at my wedding with me and I was honoured to wear the watch that her own Mother had given her for her 21st. The watch had a bad strap and needed replacing but the style of watch made it very hard to find a leather strap that could be fitted to it. My jeweller friend buys scrap gold and that week, while he had my watch and was trying to figure out what to do with it, someone brought iin a beautiful old watch which was damaged and only the strap could be saved, and it was so perfect and so beautiful.... It was my wedding gift from her...
My other Grandmother N is still alive but again she is not an easy woman, but in a completely different way. Where G lived on our doorstep and meddled in our day to day life, N is distant, in more ways than one. N was distant as a Mother too and I don't think life was always easy for my Mother, particularly after the divorce when her Father had to move away for work and her new Step-Father was not as easy man.
I think N lives in the past, it is as if her Wheel got stuck at some point and there she is, reliving and dreaming of the times before it all went wrong, when she was beautiful and desired by affluent and influential men, before she allowed herself to be trapped into marriage with a poor journalist... It is as if she has slowly being emptying and returning, shrinking in on herself.
She does not still live in the town she raised her family in, instead, before I was born, her and her husband moved to an obscure village, really out of the way and a very long way from all of her family. She lives in the middle of nowhere and relies on friends to take her shopping and the like, she will never move.
I guess there was a part of me that resented that, that she made herself so difficult to look after. Researching my family tree has helped me understand though. She has gone back to happy days in her childhood, staying in a house a short walk away from where she now lives, with her Grandparents.
So neither of my Elders was / is a strong model of wisdom that has been easy to respect and love. But there have been others who were. One of my cousins and his wife (somehow I never realised how old they were and never thought of them as Elders). A man from the village I knew through church as a child. F's Dad.
But the truth is, Elders are not integrated in our communities. And we do not seek to grow in wisdom throughout our lives. Sometimes our Elders do not work towards family and not happy people. It can be hard to respect Elders in our society.
This has the unfortunate consequence that we do not value becoming old ourselves. All around society makes it very clear how much age is a negative attribute. Arlene Philips was removed from the judging panel of Strictly Come Dancing and replaced by a younger lady who lacked the depth of experience completely. So often older people are not respected for their unique contribution.
We also do not allow them to live with the rhythms of their life, we expect them to work as hard as younger people. In the recent strikes by Unison (Teachers, Medical staff etc) workers, one comment made by Nurses as to why they could not possibly increase the retirement age was that it becomes much harder to work shifts as you get older.... A guy nearing retirement who I work with never slows down and is always ill as a result....
Some people though, find the beauty in ageing. I myself can feel myself becoming more rooted and happier as I get older. I am getting things figured out for myself. I don't care about the wrinkles that are appearing and grey hair doesn't bother me - I had some before I started dying my hair outrageous colours ( a sign of being more comfortable in my own skin).
In order for our communities to function well, we need to respect ageing as a process and the good it can bring and we need to respect our Elders and bring them back into our communities. Maybe the truth is, we fear our Elders because they remind us of death and death is the ultimate fear of our society....
I look around and I don't see so much of this in the community I live in. I don't see much of it in my life either. Well I guess, as much as I hate saying it, my parents and their friends are passing into Elder territory and I very much respect and like them.... But the generation before....
Both my Grandfathers died before I was born and I would love to have known both of them very much. Neither one of my Grandmothers has been a strong role model for good. G was a difficult lady, at least for family, non-family did not see that side so much. She caused a great deal of heartache and difficulty and she was definately a trouble maker. At her funeral we were asked to spend a moment in a good memory of being with her. I was horrified to realise I could not find one memory that made me happy, one that was not tainted with the memory of how she was.
This has become easier over time and last year, G and I reached a point of forgiveness. She was at my wedding with me and I was honoured to wear the watch that her own Mother had given her for her 21st. The watch had a bad strap and needed replacing but the style of watch made it very hard to find a leather strap that could be fitted to it. My jeweller friend buys scrap gold and that week, while he had my watch and was trying to figure out what to do with it, someone brought iin a beautiful old watch which was damaged and only the strap could be saved, and it was so perfect and so beautiful.... It was my wedding gift from her...
My other Grandmother N is still alive but again she is not an easy woman, but in a completely different way. Where G lived on our doorstep and meddled in our day to day life, N is distant, in more ways than one. N was distant as a Mother too and I don't think life was always easy for my Mother, particularly after the divorce when her Father had to move away for work and her new Step-Father was not as easy man.
I think N lives in the past, it is as if her Wheel got stuck at some point and there she is, reliving and dreaming of the times before it all went wrong, when she was beautiful and desired by affluent and influential men, before she allowed herself to be trapped into marriage with a poor journalist... It is as if she has slowly being emptying and returning, shrinking in on herself.
She does not still live in the town she raised her family in, instead, before I was born, her and her husband moved to an obscure village, really out of the way and a very long way from all of her family. She lives in the middle of nowhere and relies on friends to take her shopping and the like, she will never move.
I guess there was a part of me that resented that, that she made herself so difficult to look after. Researching my family tree has helped me understand though. She has gone back to happy days in her childhood, staying in a house a short walk away from where she now lives, with her Grandparents.
So neither of my Elders was / is a strong model of wisdom that has been easy to respect and love. But there have been others who were. One of my cousins and his wife (somehow I never realised how old they were and never thought of them as Elders). A man from the village I knew through church as a child. F's Dad.
But the truth is, Elders are not integrated in our communities. And we do not seek to grow in wisdom throughout our lives. Sometimes our Elders do not work towards family and not happy people. It can be hard to respect Elders in our society.
This has the unfortunate consequence that we do not value becoming old ourselves. All around society makes it very clear how much age is a negative attribute. Arlene Philips was removed from the judging panel of Strictly Come Dancing and replaced by a younger lady who lacked the depth of experience completely. So often older people are not respected for their unique contribution.
We also do not allow them to live with the rhythms of their life, we expect them to work as hard as younger people. In the recent strikes by Unison (Teachers, Medical staff etc) workers, one comment made by Nurses as to why they could not possibly increase the retirement age was that it becomes much harder to work shifts as you get older.... A guy nearing retirement who I work with never slows down and is always ill as a result....
Some people though, find the beauty in ageing. I myself can feel myself becoming more rooted and happier as I get older. I am getting things figured out for myself. I don't care about the wrinkles that are appearing and grey hair doesn't bother me - I had some before I started dying my hair outrageous colours ( a sign of being more comfortable in my own skin).
In order for our communities to function well, we need to respect ageing as a process and the good it can bring and we need to respect our Elders and bring them back into our communities. Maybe the truth is, we fear our Elders because they remind us of death and death is the ultimate fear of our society....
Saturday, 3 March 2012
Snug
I know I have had some inspiration this week, thinking of the roles from the Medicine Wheel dream I had a little while back. Then there was the two days of beautiful weather during the week, all that bird song and a visit to Big Hill. But everything is still percolating away and not ready to post here, or more likely I am not ready.
It has been a busy weekend. Food with friends Friday, a party last night and the recolouring of my hair to pink. I avoided alcohol but eating food whose ingredients I don't know is always perilous - you can never tell what has had a dash of cream added. But I had a lovely time.
Here I am though on a Sunday morning far too early after not enough sleep. My stomach is bad and I have a tiny bit of a sore throat. The house is cold because the heating was on too high for the good weather we had earlier on in the week so I turned it down.
But there is nothing I have to do. I did everything I needed to do yesterday. Today I am free to hide away and I shall. I would go back to bed now but F is happily snoring away so I shall leave it a little while, maybe have a bath and read first.
I am not the sum of my feelings though. I am more. And life is still good.
It has been a busy weekend. Food with friends Friday, a party last night and the recolouring of my hair to pink. I avoided alcohol but eating food whose ingredients I don't know is always perilous - you can never tell what has had a dash of cream added. But I had a lovely time.
Here I am though on a Sunday morning far too early after not enough sleep. My stomach is bad and I have a tiny bit of a sore throat. The house is cold because the heating was on too high for the good weather we had earlier on in the week so I turned it down.
But there is nothing I have to do. I did everything I needed to do yesterday. Today I am free to hide away and I shall. I would go back to bed now but F is happily snoring away so I shall leave it a little while, maybe have a bath and read first.
I am not the sum of my feelings though. I am more. And life is still good.
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