I have just finished reading The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl which is a lovely and inspiring book about a fat fighter... but not like me. I am beginning to suspect that the stories of us larger folk are as varied as our shapes. We really are not all the same shape - i think this is why fat clothes tend to be so awful - as we get larger, the differences in our fundamental shapes are emphasized.
So if I have different reasons for wanting to lose weight, what are they?
To be able to do all the fun things I would like to and to be healthy. My body is a ticking time bomb. I can see my parent's health problems and I can see my body working it's way towards them - not for my retirement but in my 30s. My weight is signing my own death warrant - I know that may seem a little over dramatic but my weight is reducing my life expectancy by decades...
My Dad has always been pretty healthy but then he started getting erysipelas. This is a skin infection also known as St Anthony's Fire. The skin blisters and burns and stings. all because some little bacteria have gotten where they should not, migrated maybe from the nose to just under the skin's surface.
Now this might not sound to bad except that if not treated it can go real, real bad. It can get in to the blood, it can cause the skin to be eaten away. It can kill.
My Dad got it more than once, on his face and on his legs. Then he ended up in hospital on IV antibiotics. His leg has a permanent set of dimples from the damage it did. This time the infection worked it's way into his lymph and ate his flesh.
Now he takes antibiotics every day and will for the rest of his life. If he feels the slightest tingle in his skin he has free licence to up his dose of antibiotics befoe he goes for an emergency Doctor's appointment. His legs are swollen, his lymph system struggles and walking hurts...
Then there is my Mum. Her problems are a little more well known so require less explanation... Diabetes, under active Thyroid and high blood pressure... She takes many little pills each day, tests her blood, battles weight and tries to fit in as much exercise as possible. Diabetes alone has many growing side effects. She now has permanent athlete's foot for instance...
These are the people who's genes I share... My Mum's Mum also has diabetes and apart from Epilepsy (which I thankfully escaped) it seems to be the main health problem visible in my family. Then there is the chronic athiritis and my Grandfather who died of Hodgkins lymphoma, a cancer of the lymph (for which previous infection with the Epstein-Barr virus can apparently give you a higher chance of developing it).
My Dad's side is a little less obvious. His father had circulation problems and died of lung cancer. His Mum died at a ripe old age of cancer and her sister is (I assume) still going strong.
So let's see... diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid problems, circulation problems, lymph problems (cancer and infection), epilepsy, skin infections.... and which of these am I heading towards.. all of them ....except epilepsy...
Let's catalogue my health issues shall we....
I think my health problems began when I was about 7 or 8. I developed what has since been labelled as Hidradenitis Suppurativa. This is a skin condition caused by deformed sweat glands which become blocked easily causing lesions. It is not to do with cleanliness and can not be cured, only controlled. Being obese and wearing tight fitting clothes makes it worse. I get lesions of varying size in my groin, under my arms and under my breasts.
I think these have considerably upped my pain tolerance over the years! Luckily the scars are hidden away and generally they cause me few problems. Sometimes one goes a little mental though and this has resulted in a trip to A&E followed by an op to remove one (anastethic makes me talk a lot it seems). more recently a cyst became infected and my doctor gave me a local and sliced it open. I seem to get a few cysts as well, including a long time visitor on my lower arm. Generally, these all also show that my lymph is not doing what it should as well as it should...
My other real long term health problem has been glandular fever, which I first got at 14, then again at 19 (although Doctor's have told me I can not have had it twice). It slowly fizzled into ME and it took 4 years before I felt able to return to studying. Even then, it is noticeable that the amount of sleep I need is still slowly decreasing, but still somewhat higher than average...
I sometimes feel as if I have spent half my life asleep.
So those are my two long term thingies so let's work up my body.....
Feet - they hurt all the time, I think carrying my bulk can be tough! I get athlete's foot sometimes as well.
Ankles - swollen and painful. The skin is stretched, dry and shiny. A sign of poor circulation and inaffective lymph, it can be caused by infections and high blood pressure as well.
Lower legs - If I walk any real distance my circulation can not cope and lactic acid builds in my calves and they burn. Apparently burning calves is also a sign of diabetes...
Knees - I suffered from growing pains as teen which were diagnosed as rheumatism. I learnt to avoid the hated gym skirts as soon as I was allowed to and strangely the number of times I suffered from it dropped rapidly! Sometimes if my joints get cold, I still get it...
Thighs - cellulite and my generally bad skin, oh and they rub...
Stomach - IBS and odd periods
Hands - prone to pins and needles and recently I have started to get twitches in my left hand.
Lower arm - one large cyst that often gets bruised
Under arms - bad skin and one permanent cyst
Breasts - same old bad skin thing
Ears - survivors of many infections with my left ear drum being burst twice. I also get dermatitus behind my ears.
Nose - hayfever and occasional sinusitus
Eyes - I don't make moisture easily in my eyes! I can not use contacts and use drops and sprays to keep my eyes moist.
So what bits of my body are healthy? I have nice hair, teeth (only two fillings and my dentist loves me) and strong nails. I feel tired and fat and unfit most of the time and I am sure you can see how I would feel that I am heading towards my parents health issues... all of them pretty much.
Obviously this is no fresh realisation.... So why am I not already shocked into sorting myself out? no idea.... Isn't a list of health problems like that and an early grave good enough reason to get thin? Maybe you have to love your life first
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