Who Am I?

I look at myself and often thing - this person I see here is a disguise. This is not who I am. People who know me, know this, but this person in the mirror is not me, just how I have let myself become...

I am working on making my outside match my inside. I now have shorter purple hair, cut in a style that looks the better the messier it is.

I have finally discovered online clothes shopping so i finally have clothing that fits and it took a while, but I have found brands I really like, that suit me. I <3 Joe Browns. Not all of the stuff mind you, some is too cutsey but a lot of it is exactly what I want to be wearing....

I bit the bullet this morning and ordered a coat. In the last ten years I have had two new coats. The first no longer fits and the second was a really, really cheap stop gap because I needed a coat desperately. It is now falling apart. Today I finally received my new work coat in a rather fetching shade of yellow. But the new coat is a work of art.... Black, half military, half whimsy with lots of assymetry going on....

Another thing about today is that it really brought home the biggest reason I am not how I look. I am fat and unfit and this makes it look as if I want to play it safe, that I don't like action, that I would rather be sat down, somewhere safe and out of the way....

but no..... not really. As a child I scoffed at the idea of ever having an office job, ever ever ever. I was the best tree climber in my year and my Mum had all my hair chopped off because I would not look after it at all.

I am finding that slowly, my job is pushing me in new directions. Now I can drive a forklift, and with practice I am getting better at it. and quicker. I move a bit faster than a snail now....

So tonight I find myself outside, riding the goblin, throwing pallets around with the wind raging all around. I relinquished the Goblin after a while due to staffing / equipment / licencsing issues. So as they worked on the far side of the lorry, the driver was trying to pull the curtain back across. The wind was whisking through the lorry, turning it into a giant sail. So I sat myself in the middle of the curtain and pulled down and eventually, the driver was able to fasten it shut.

But there was something about being out there in the wind, the elements.... I love it, I really do. I like being able to go back inside and pit my brain against the computer too.... But that is not all I am.

I am so many things, but I did get a little lost for a while.....