I wasn't going to air any petty greivances from my wedding, but well, there was only two, my Mum not being very nice to a member of the reception venue and having a piece of glass I liked thrown out because she thought it looked like a jam jar.... That all got sorted and I got it back and my Mum has since upped her diabetes medication. It was all too much for her by the end of the day...
But well, the other one, I have a reason for wanting to drag this one out as you shall see, if you stick with what will enevitably be a fairly long post....
I have an Aunt, sort of. She was married to my Uncle but they divorced before I was old enough to remember them being together. She somehow became a regular part of my family anyway. There was always christmas and birthday presents, even though she was always poor. She had strong ideals of who she would and would not work for and couldn't drive so work options were always limited and we have such a good benefits system in this country....
She would often come to stay and was a good friend to me, once I was an adult, we disliked each other when I was a kid. My Dad always disliked her, called her a scrounger. Anyway, she was good to me. She was there when I had missed periods. She took me away house sitting for friends when she knew I was too poor for a holiday (but she did get free transport out of that). She was there for moral support when I needed someone who understood my family to talk to to.
The last few years though I have drifted away. I had started to feel a little narked if she was staying at my parents house for the entire duration of a visit of mine with them. She probably sees them way more than I do, as she lives so much closer.
She has siblings, who have families of their own. She has increasingly found herself on the outside oh her family. I think families are like onions with their layes and they may have more than one heart in there all wrapped up together. Families grow from the middle. So my onion once had my parents, my sis and me at it's heart, but I got F and S and she got her little darlings and now there are two new hearts within the centre of my family onion. Eventually our offspring will find that our onions are entirely separate.... She calls my family, her other family.
So with the wedding. I knew she would not be able to afford somewhere to stay so I said she could stay here, even though I knew it would be a squeeze and she probably would not get a bed.... Even though she can't stand dogs and her dislike and pushing away and fussing about them is a little trying. She then said that she would come down with my parents, I suggested this might not be a very viable idea as Dad finds the drive particularly tiring these days and they would have a pretty full car. I knew very well that Dad would not want to spend that long trapped in a car with her... So she suggested she might come down with my Sis to which I pointed out that there was more of them and they were staying self-catered so there definitely would be no room. I also pointed out that as all of them would be staying at mine that first night, there really would be no room at all....
She agreed to come down two days before the wedding by train.
But then she wanted to stay until three days after the wedding, I was horrifed and so was F. She went quiet on the phone when I said it would not be a good idea as we would be very tired and everyone else was leaving the day before.... I looked to F for help and he pointed out his job start... My Aunt backed down and agreed on two days after the wedding. But I was more than a little irritated, it isn't our duty to get her to and from and provide her with bed and board, not really, and it was all a little too pushy.... I wanted time with my parents without a ghost tagging along. It is the first time I have seen them in a year.
So she came down, realised that reports on the state of my house were not exaggerated. Decided the sofa looked uncomfortable, the damp was too much, who knows.... She had S's room that night but I refused to turf him out for her, he has had quite a summer and this is the only place he has had room tohimself, I was not about to take it away. She announced before bed that night that she would see if she could stay in a hotel in town for the rest of the stay. Which she did. I was very, very annoyed. Firstly it felt like an insult of my hospitality. Secondly, if she could afford to do so, why had she been so pushy about staying here in the first place? Couldn't she see that as the epicentre of my big day, there was only going to be chaos here - particularly with only one bathroom!
She still came over for every waking moment and all her meals. She was just there, a person to tuck in the car. A person to feed. She would offer to pay for herself, knowing that when one person is paying for a meal say, that for one person to have to pay for themselves is not really done. Every one else would take it in turns to pay or get a round of drinks.... The offer of paying was enough as far as she was concerned...
We said good bye the night before she was due to go and I did not expect to see her the following morning before her train. But there she appeared. Me in my PJs sorting bits of glass having just found out how my Mum's diabetes can affect her mood and very unhappy.... My parents packing their car.... Maybe she expected us to find the time to take her to the station and go to the hotel to pick up her luggage (a short walk from the station). She soon realised that my parents car was too full and we were too not dressed and up.... I don't know if she even realised she had walked in to a tricky situation.... Not sure she cared either.
So I am still cross... And for the first time I can very much see my Dad's point of view on this. I expect my distance with her will continue.
So why have I decided that I have to air all this now? I had a dream last night. I was back in my old school....
So I was in the building, near the school hall and there was a load of us young vital ladies there. I was talking with one who had decided to dye her hair red and green. As we were talking a shadow fell and we realised a bad man was after her, maybe her Dad, maybe not, I have no idea. I decided to help her hide as I knew the building.
We set off at a run and instead of going upstairs by the big, grand public staircase, we took the closer, servants staircase, hidden behind a door. It bought us some time. We rushed through the dorms to get to the one I wanted. One with a secret room. It was used as a dorm as well in my time but it had previously been a priest's hole to hide a priest during the reformation. Although it had reverted back to it's old form, I struggled to find the door and when I did, I only found it by it's keyhole. And it was locked.
My dream jumped forward and I was talking to my Mum. She was excited to tell me some things she had found out. Firstly, all the girls that had vanished had had five year old children. Secondly, the last person to stay in that room had been my Aunt and she had been the one who locked it.
I had this one worked out before I even got out of bed. When I was a kid, my Aunt came to stay and there was not enough room, so I had to go and share with my Sister while my Aunt slept in my bedroom. One morning she woke to find me stood at the end of her bed and I said, when are you going home. She found this hilarious, she stilldoes. She put this down as her interesting fact for the wedding to share with all the guests.... That irritated me very much.
I was quite probably five when this happened. I think the dream has to do with this story and I think it is also to do with the loss of pieces of soul. I reckon you can join the dots from here. Maybe my regaining of that piece of soul is why my relationship with her has changed back to that of my childhood one.... The piece of soul I lost was one that meant I didn't like her too much. Maybe these events were involved with my loss of this soul piece. I think so. I lost many pieces of my soul growing up but I have been working hard to welcome them back and many of them have come back I feel.....
Another knot untugged a little to see what is within
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