Impotent

This moon is definately a hard one for me.  For whatever reason, life seens me things when it comes to the Moon of Omnipotence.  The thought of it being about power and ability to change things to how you like I have to smile, in that slightly bitter and cynical way.  For me, this Moon is the Moon of Impotence. 

Sometimes no matter how things may impact you, they are about other people, their decisions, their relationships, their lives.  It doesn't matter if they are wrong, you just have to deal and get on with it.  And this Moon has brought me back to being Impotent.

And it all stirs around S. 

I created a calendar on Excel, so I can see what moon was where, when in my life, both the yearly and moonthly moons and looking at that and thinking about S shows a thing or two very clearly about my relationship with him, and his father.

I met both of them in my year of the Blue Moon.  The first couple of years were tough.  F's Ex was very hard on us both, emotionally, mentally and monetarily.  M-i-L was hard to cope with too and all these situations that are now such an integral part of my life walked in, firmly attached to F in my year of the Blue Moon.

But for F, we met at the end of his Year of Value.  His Year of Omnipotence and the Year of Territoriality after that were all about dealing whit the s***storm his deciding to have another relationship unleashed.  Maybe the truth about Omnipotence is getting to make a decision and then living with the consequences!

Which makes me look at my calendar some more and add in F and S's years to compare with my own.  And this is interesting.  Our years don't meet up completely, obvoisuly, because our birthdays are at different times.  But it makes me think our wheels are connected, like there are hints of situations and reactions and our positions within it all.....

So this Wheel of the three of us began in my Year of the Blue Moon, F in Omnipotence and S in Inter-relations.  S adjusted well to gaining me but I think it was hard on him to lose some of the one to one with his Dad.  And then I think of the wider situation and add the Ex, M-i-l and F-i-L and then I start to get sad....

It all starts to tie in, this web of people.  I doubt any of the other people in this web feel Omnipotent either.  In fact I know they don't.  And given how our Wheels are all linked together you can almost see future situations in it too, as the wheel we are on keep on turning, together.  You can see how one situation came out of one previously and they all follow on.

S is not happy right now and is in a bit of a mess, very much in Drama.  F is just moving into Welcome, I guess his new wheel started around about the time we decided we would definately get married and we married inhis year of the Blue Moon.  I guess in this new cycle his relationships are more closely bound to me, a symbolic step away maybe but also a symbolic step of binding me into the wheels of his family further.  I am in Breaking Masks, digging away at things and looking, but so is M-i-L but I think she is manifesting the negative side of this moon - Posession.  And the Ex is in Territoriality for which the flip side is Intrusive.

I have no idea if this is making any sense or how clear it is to other people what I am trying to say.....

From here S is going to move into Value / Protection, F into Affirmation (Submission), me into Reason and the M-i-L into Unreason and the Ex into inter-relations or Isolation.  And while I see things getting better for S maybe in that web, I see him having a hard time with M-i-L and his Mum.

Then at 18 he moves in to Omnipotence and I get the feeling of him making a huge decision, maybe joining the forces, leaving Cornwall or moving out of home....  F moves into Value, M-i-L and I move into Humility and I can imagine in M-i-L's case there could be some broken-ness in that and the Ex moves into Surrender (Resistance) and I can see her fighting and fighting the changes S makes.

Then at 19 S moves on to Territoriality as he starts to really stake out who and what he is and his life. F moves into Omnipotence (ouch), M-i-L and I move into Metamorphosis and she either pulls herself together at losing the S of childhood in preparation for her next cycle or she doesn't.....  The Ex moves into Breaking Masks as she starts to get to grips, hopefully with all that has occurred.

Then at 20 S moves into Inter-relations and maybe starts to build up his relations with everyone on his own terms, rebuilding walls?  F moves into Territoriality.  I and the M-i-L move into our Blue Moon years and hopefully, in this next cycle our wheels will be tied a little less closely and who knows what the focus will be?  The Ex moves into Reason.

But maybe this makes no sense to anyone else - but if one thing is clear, this cycle is all about S.  He is the poor fly caught in the centre of this web, his very existence tying us all together and his decisions tugging us all around just as the decisions each one of us makes tugs everyone else.  And he can't take it any more.

He is cracking.

The question is, how to get everyone to pull together to give him what he needs because at the moment everyone seems to be just pulling even harder...  And the truth is we are all caught in this web.