Where the Wheels May Take Me

Now this story I have to be a little careful with.  We met a couple.  F's fault entirely!  He recognised the accent and got talking and when they discovered we lived near them....  Then it turned out they to were celebrating a 40th and a honeymoon.  And they were in the same hotel....  and on the same bus....  and had been upgraded to the room right next to us.

Everything was fine to begin with.

But it quickly became apparent that they were not our sort of people at all.  Not that they were bad people.  But when life throws you together like this with people, you have to pay attention.  I did pay attention but I am still not a 100% sure what the lesson was here....

Within hours of meeting us they would have arranged a lift home, if we had not been staying longer.  They were pushy and matter of fact about things.  They didn't understand social niceties and delicate hints.  The thing is, these things are what society gets by on.  I don't think it ever occurred to them that people on holiday might not want to be social with others all the time.

Now I have to explain all this so as not to sound, snobby.... 

One thing that made us very uncomfortable was their attitude towards sex.  They liked to talk about it.  Over dinner, in public areas.  They liked public areas in more than one way too.  And they liked to share graphic and vulgar details.  Despite having just gotten married, I think they would have been more than happy to include other people to.  One night I went to bed early and F stayed up.  She was joking about F coming and spending the night with them.  F didn't read anything into it, but I knew she was serious and as the holiday played it self out, he knew that she hadn't been joking either. 

She also took a shine to a member of staff.  He didn't mind being charming and flirting.  He didn't mind giving her a kiss on the cheek for her birthday.  He did mind when she grabbed his head and tried to snog him.  After they had gone, it also turned out she had slipped a note into his pocket.  Unfortunately he did not find it, his wife did.  He was very upset when he told us, days after they had left.  I think our outrage on his behalf helped restore some of his faith.  I think he needed to tell us, he seemed happier after he had.

He was a bit of a perv too.  One night we had some dancers performing.  Every routine required a dress cahnge and they were changing just outside the fire exit.  He went for a cigarette and was gone rather a long time.  We all knew he was watching the girls change and he freely admitted it when he returned.

They seemed to think that culture was shopping, and that's fine, they can do as much shopping as they like, but thinking that that is all is a little narrow minded.  His shopping was a little dubious as well, lots of knives and sex related objects.  He would proudly take his purchases out to show us, no matter where we were and who was around.  I doubt others wanted to see them either.

We hung on to the end of the first week and were glad to wave good bye.  If they had been staying longer, we would have to have done things differently.  They knew we wanted to get a hire car and hinted at coming out with us ( we very much like to tour at our pace and go where we wish to.  Going with them would not have been peaceful, non-stop chatter, or given us as much opportunity to learn about our surroundings).  They kept asking us to go out with them and even got a little stroopy that we would not (we did still have colds).  He didn't eat breakfast and she would wait till she heard us go up and then join us and then talk a lot.  We felt we had to call on them for dinner each night after the first few and this became an awkward obligation.

She was moody and liked to be the centre of attention.  She was also a little vicious.  She asked very pointed questions, designed to hurt, about my weight, about our wedding.  Except she just could not understand what made me tick and her questions were not aimed well.  She gave up, but grew moodier.  Particularly when she realised i was well educated and could answer some of the more obscure techy questions in the quizes.  In fact, whenever they felt outclassed, they bit back.  We like to try foreign food and our plates showed that, as soon as they saw them, it was obvious it made them feel uncomfortable and what followed was a long and one sided conversation about all the things they had eaten - of a meat or poultry variety - that we had not.  Their insecurity was tedious.

And they were insecure.  They had a habit of telling everyone their story and showing them their pictures, but different people got different stories.  The husband told one couple he was still in love with his ex-wife and the wife told F that the ex-wife was still in love with the husband.  Not comfortable.  I also think our closeness and obvious love and that of another couple we met began to grate by the end of the holiday.  The wife was perceptive enough on some level to realise that she just did not have that, and that we could see that too.

It is obvious to me that both of them have a number of broken moons on their Wheels.  Maybe not even broken, but pretty much decimated.  The other couple did too, relating to past relationships, but they had healed as much as they could and were waiting for time to resolve situations they could not.  There is a huge difference.

After they had left, we were on a bus one day and there was a group of British girls.  One of which reminded me of someone.  She was overly cheerful and bubbly, but their was something about her that made me think their was a bit of moodiness and bite underneath it, that she could flip.  She liked to be in charge and to know things and show what she knew.  As I puzzled at it, I realised she reminded me of someone i was once on a course with, as well as with the wife, and things started to slot together.  The three of them even had a similar look.  I think if I lined up the three of them, that other people would see it to.

The girl I did the course with had a medical condition, i forget what but she would have to have injections every few weeks.  The closer she got to her injection, the more emotionally out of balance she was.  Her medical condition gave her a reason for extreme moodiness but it also meant she did not have to accept responsibility for the things she said and did. 

We should have been good friends and we started that way, but their is some quality about me that winds people like this up.  Maybe the refusal to play those games, or to let them hurt me.  Maybe it something about how I make them feel, make them aware of some lack within themselves.  i don't know, and to be honest, it doesn't really matter, not to me.  It is very much their problem not mine.  Maybe it is that attitude they can not handle, that I don't pat them on the head and go there there....  Jealousy was definately part of it though.

So the student and I, slowly over time, just got to the stage where we were not friendly friends.  We were still friends within the group, but without the group there was nothing else.  Once the course finished, we went our separate ways.

I know I was meant to meet this couple, I was meant to connect the Wife's personality type to this other person.  I am pretty sure that this circle is over and done with too.  I am more aware of the energy within it now and I hope that if I meet someone with this energy again that I will recognise them and not even begin a wheel with them.   But if I do begin a wheel, then I know that it is not me that will leave it feeling hurt and upset, it will be for the benefit of the other person and I don't have to feel that.

If I am an Initiator, then I am definately an Iniator for them.  My very being sets them off, makes them aware of some lack they have in themselves ( happy relationship, own house, academic ability, whatever...).  But the more I am myself, the less their ability to hurt me as they bite back. 

This time I did not get hurt at all and my indignation was for the hurt they inflicted on others.