I played instruments at school. I played the recorder. From soprano to bass. I reached grade five on the descant and three on the treble and I can't remember what grade in theory. I dabbled with the guitar. I could find my way around a piano. I picked up the flute and clarinet and put both down again very quickly. I love to sing too.
I lost music for many years. I know that may sound strange, but I truly did. A lack of working stereo. No working tape or CD player in my car. A lack of music that made my heart sing and a lack of money to correct that. So many reasons, but truly I lost myself for so many years.
F alsways laughs at me when I sing because i forget the words. I make them up. But I always remember the tune. Don't get me wrong, I love words, but mostly for what they can do, the stories they can tell, what they can communicate, not for the words themselves so much. I am coming to realise that I have been trained to think in words but my strengths lie elsewhere. i think words themselves have been blocking me somewhat.
I talk myself through journeying. I talk myself through thinking - I barely listen to the non-verbalised thoughts in my brain any more. I have almost forgotten that I have thoughts accessible by my conscious self that are not verbalised. Journeying had been a little foggy for me because of this, but drumming really, really really helped. Even then I still verbalised. This makes it very hard for the words of the other to come to me. In meeting with my Magpie, I found it so hard to follow any meaningful conversation. It was meaningful of course, but so much detail was lost....
Although a friend advised me to find a drumming circle. I had already been prompted in this direction sometime previously by a dream. I don't remember much from the dream but very clearly there was Florence and the Machines Drumming Song.
The chatter in my head is much quieter than it used to be, but it is still there and this leaves much more space for other things to come through. My whole being and spirituality is taking me in a different direction now.
Another night I woke with James Ring the Bells in my head. A song I have not heard in so many years. Listening to his music now, again, with a different worldview, I am convinced that his spirituality is similar to mine. The song shouted in joyful tones that I am walking the right path....
So I have been having many chats about dreams recently and in talking about new types of dreams, to me. I commented that I had a recent experience of images flashing quicker than I could register or even properly see them. I was referred to hypnagogia. Which made me realise that I am aware of this falling asleep time and have been for most of my life, but for me hypnagogia is not generally visual as I fall asleep, for me it is musical.
So last night I woke with a song and the realisation that music is where I receive so much guidance and truth. The precious songs that have played at important moments in my life and helped me through, or tell me I am loved, or make me just plain happy.... And last night I was gifted another song.
Fix You by Coldplay.
Reading the words this morning almost made me cry. I know it is probably about some relationship difficulties or some such but the words for me right now have a very different meaning. The offer of help and guidance and reassurance from whatever you wish to call it, that I am doing the right thing, right now, in trying to change my health completely. Now is the time.....
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
No comments:
Post a Comment