Spider Weaving Web

This has been a heavy moon for me.  I often find that the feel of the moon changes when the wind changes and often, one half is harder than the other.  I definately found the first half harder.  The Ex has chilled out a little, S seems happier and has a girlfriend, M-i-L is a bit easier as she is getting a little more of what she wants.  but that realisation that my Wheel is bound to theirs was a hard one.  Karma and past lives and unsorted crap that rumbles on and on.....  and on some more....

It makes me wonder if this will rumble through in to another life or more.  None of it feels resolved and to be honest I can't see it all being resolved in this life.  Maybe even some parts of it have gotten worse?  Who knows...  And I and a few others are bound into this situation as bit part actors, not fully a part of whatever is still wrong at the root but there anyway through bonds of love and family.  And I am the least involved of all of us.  I was not born into either of the two families, I was drawn here in the hunt for my soulmate and unfortunately this is what he comes with.

Not that I don't think I was there in that long ago life, i am sure I was.  The feelings and relationships between myself and the other players are too definate to not speak of past issues.  Maybe we and the other bit part actors are just here in love to support those we love in this life and try and help them untie those knots a little more.

S will get older, he will sort himself out, or not, but he will move further and further into his own life, taking control as he goes.  As this happens, the need to talk to the other side of his family will grow less and less and her ability to affect my life will just get smaller and smaller and smaller.

M-i-L is another story though but she is over 70 now.  i think as people get older they retreat further into the core of themselves and show more of what is at the heart.  A person maybe truly kind and content and this will shine through more and more....  Unhappiness, discontent and fear...  Anything unresolved becomes bigger too.  I can already see how I might go - more forgetful and as I am tired more and more of the time,  would be mroe and more grumpy, more of the time...

but M-i-L is different to me.  I can't imagine she will ever be able to let go of her family, she will always be there, demanding, getting rude when she doesn't get what she wants.  The endless phone calls are only likely to increase.  One day she will no longer be able to drive or do housework or gardening.  What will happen then I have no idea.  She has one child still living with her but how much they will step up is anyone's guess, they are rarely home when ever I am there.  There is only one way my wheel in this life with her will end and that is death

but I knew this and the heaviest burdens are not mine.  I watch from the sidelines.  Everyone scurrying around trying not to upset her or let her completely into their lives without accepting that she is ill and that these are not the best tactics.  I think honesty and firmness and very clear conversations work best.  Hints and half promises don't work, oh I might call you later as an appeasing effort to escape does not work it only causes upset when no phone call comes.  But this is easier for me than for others.

I think what was so hard was that chain between us all being yanked so veyr hard coupled with the realisation that we are bound together and have been bound and will be bound.  A glimpse of the scale of the spiders web....