Coiled

I feel I am walking a little bit of a tightrope at the moment. The chasm is the weakness of my body and my enthusiasm and joy is the rope. I know I can't do it all too quickly, my body just won't take it, I need to do it methodically and orderly, but not all at once....

F derailed my painting plans yesterday as he obviously had tidying at the top of his list. Tidying makes me think of car boot sales. But I am not going to rush around gathering things this weekend. It would be good but I have other tasks I want to accomplish this weekend. Maybe next weekend or the weekend after I can go get rid of my junk.

I am tempted to do so many different things all at once, but I have to admit now the weekend is here and I am not a work, I feel tired. This week I have done nothing each night after work, nothing at all. I have to remember I was ill very recently. I have to remember that I am fat and unfit and I need to build things up gradually and still give myself time and space to chill. Balance...

The f m-i-l rang yesterday (twice). F did not wish to answer so we got answerphone messages. He is working all weekend so I ruthlessly bullied him into calling her eventually, because I don't want her calling all weekend. Either I would end up speaking to her (which generally leaves me frustrated and annoyed) or I would ignore her calls (and her messages would get increasing frustrated and annoyed).

It feels with the wedding that she always has to have a question, something she is working on in her head, or feels I should be, something to fuss over. I wish she could just leave it alone and let me work at my own speed. This weeks fussing of choice on her message was, has Rose done the invites yet. Firstly, she has not given me the addresses of the family members. Secondly, she obviously has not received one herself. Thirdly, F has not been brave and told her that not all of the people on the delightful list she gave us, will be receiving an invite. She just winds me up...

We had the button hole incident the other week.... and OK, that has resulted in filling in a gap I had forgotten with the most beautiful creations, but all the same.... It is her manner that gets my back up...

Someone else got my back up the other day... A new member of staff in a different department... My employer has a real class divide between 'upstairs' departments and 'downstairs' departments. She is in an 'upstairs' department and I am not, so I obviously make mistakes, am thick and don't know my own job. She walks in saying she has a query and a complaint. Immediately my hackles start to rise. I look at the work she brings over and the neat hand written notes on it explaining what we have done. I explain those notes to her and she responded but why if this was here didn't you query it or stop the job. So patiently I showed her the query log and the entries that matched the work in her hand and explained that she receives this updated log every day and that by the time we receive the work, what is done is done and we have no power to change it, we just log it and pass the information on and that none of this is our fault or our problem. She admitted she had seen the log and didn't understand it but offered no apology before leaving on her cross little way....

I am tired.... I want to go do stuff but my creative room is still in turmoil with all the junk from the bedroom we are re-styling (well a lot less junk now, but spread out everywhere...) and all the glass I have been buying. I am going to do some stuff and see how my energy flows pick up...

Hopefully the post will come soon with my new pens so I can go out food shopping.....