The Wind Blows Through Me

It is interesting to hear Suzi say I sound more confident. Something this last while has switched inside of me. I say that something happened over the Winter, but that isn't quite true.

That Winter Solstice with the eclipse was... incredible....

It left me feeling so very, very tired. I could feel an energy flowing through me, but not an energy that I could 'tap into' to get things done. It was something else. I am sure I have heard Reya describe it as a download, or maybe it was someone else. After reading Supernatural, that kind of makes more sense to....

And as the energy dissipated and i returned to normal I realised that something had changed. I had changed. Very subtle, very small changes in some ways, but in others ways HUGE!

I no longer feel as cold. My body has altered in some way. I have all my life been the one to always wear a jumper. To wrap up. Two duvets at night on my side of the bed to F's one, thin one. And the hot water bottles.... Al last year at work, I would wear a jumper and hate the fans being on. i would be switching the heaters on and others would switch it off.

This year I am sat there with bare arms. No jumper. Very seldom have I turned the heater on, others have gotten there before me. Night sees my single duvet and my lovely think warm PJs confined to the draw. F suddenly is using more things to keep warm in bed than me.... A small subtle change that some may not even notice but... it is huge....

Then there is the internal me. I have always had a melancholy depressive streak, well not always, just since I was a teen. I worked long and hard to bring problems in my head out. I learnt how to manage myself. I learnt to live with that depressive streak. I practiced filling my life with joy. I learnt how to be contented. Then the wind blew threw me the day of the eclipse and that haunting of sadness was gone.

And yes, I am more confident somehow now. The reason the wedding is suddenly going ahead now after all these years is I have the strength to do it all of a sudden, and the ability to enjoy it all.

Maybe there has been other subtle changes. I do wonder if the virus that gripped my body for all those many years, has suddenly been expelled. Whether, i will begin to slowly, ever so slowly notice other changes to.

And so I have huge omens, the day of the lunar eclipse. I feel that same energy around the eclipse, or maybe a similar energy. Too similar for me to tell the difference! And I have been feeling so very, very tired again. But I can't help but wonder what differences i will notice in myself as the eclipse energies pass.