Intervention

Sometimes people lose there way. Sometimes people lose their way so badly that they become a problem for those that love them, not merely a concern, but a problem. Sometimes these problems just need to be borne but other times.... sometimes something has to be done.

I have a relative, my Aunt, who I have mentioned before. She is not a blood relative of mine but is the ex wife of my Uncle. Her own family has grown and she is falling through the cracks. Her Mother has gone and her Father wishes he had, leaving two siblings with their own children, spouses, ex-spouses and grand-children.

My Aunt lives alone and has now retired but for many years strong principles and an inability to drive meant her choice of jobs was limited. When she did work, she generally worked part time. Ill health has caught up with her as well now and she does less than she did in previous years as she has fallen out with the organisation she used to volunteer for, for years. Good friends have moved away....

I had not realised but depression has settled in with a firm grip. Although now I know, i can see it there. The problem is, I have suffered from depression in the past but I don't now. I believe contentedness is an attitude that can be learnt, it can be practiced and if you practice it for long enough, one day your mind clicks round to feeling it.

Living by herself and being so severely depressed she has reached a point where she is alienating those around her, becoming a stone that drags them down at the least and falling out with them at worst. Her behaviour is becoming difficult and no one is quite close enough and she is not robust enough to cope with hearing any difficult truths.

Even my Mum is not sure she can face another Christmas but she can not bare the thought of my Aunt being alone at that time. One year weather meant she might not make it and she was on the phone in tears and was quite positive she had no where else to go. Not that I think she enjoyed this Christmas and that was in large part down to me...

My parents house is normally quiet with noisy bits being in smaller doses round my Sisters. This year I added a mad manic dog, a teen and two adults to the mix and it was no longer what she wanted I think. I think it also added to that feeling of being on the outskirts of the family.

If we go out, she occasionally offers to pay for herself and gets promptly turned down because in a large group, for one person to pay for themself is just rude. My sister and I take it in turns to buy things for the whole group. As a non-driver, she is always there expecting to be transported and thank yous for that are few and far between, as are offers for petrol money.

At Christmas though, the worst bit was her attitude to food. Mealtimes are communal times in my family, we sit together and we help each other get the food we want etc. One meal which consisted of various left overs and salad vegs etc meant there was lots of dishes of food. We were still bringing things through and by the time I sat down she had completely served herself and had even started eating. I started serving myself and making sure everyone had what they wanted and had finished this when my Mum came in with the last of the food. Instead of starting my food, I then made sure I passed my Mum all the things she wanted. To do this I had to reach across my Aunt who just kept eating ( and possibly looking a little cross that I was being rude and reaching across!).

At one point she shot her chair back and my Mum asked her what was wrong. She said the dog was sat on her foot. If the dog had been it would have stood up when she shot back like that. I find it hard, her attitude towards dogs, but yet she chooses to come and stay with my parents who have four dogs. Dogs are a huge part of our lives and she has no idea how much she disrupts things with her attitudes, or how irritating the commentary of go away can get...

So my Mum brought additional food in once or twice and my Aunt was straight into it every time without helping anyone else. I got there second and found out who else wanted some and served the remainder out between us. I then felt she was cross, probably because she had wanted more. At other meals she was taking seconds (and finishing dishes) before I had eaten more than a couple of mouthfuls. My Mum asked my Dad to finish a small amount of food on a dish and she was there, I would like some of that....

Anyway, enough whining. At the moment, i resent buying her something nice as a present. She did not say thank you for anything we gave her for Christmas and expressed no pleasure in any of her presents. Reading on Lisa's blog, that giving presents should only come from the heart makes it even harder for me to want to send her a birthday present. But I need to and I certainly don't want to make her any unhappier.

There is one present that springs to mind that I would like to send her. I would like to send her a couple of books but I am not sure that she would react well to receiving them. I wonder how much trouble they would cause, but they would be presents from my heart.

The Happy Book and the Joy Diet

The Happy Book is a book within which you collect things that make you happy, be it a list of happy songs, happy smells, a collage of a colour that makes you happy, all sorts of happy prompts. The idea is that you feel happy doing this and that you end up with a lovely book of happy you can look through whenever you need some happy...

I am less sure about the joy diet, I never actually worked through it myself but it always looked a lovely book. I have it here somewhere, just waiting for me to feel that urge to do it. Maybe I should send her my copy.

Sending a depressed person who you are having increasing trouble getting on with such things may be asking for trouble, but maybe this is one of those times when some trouble is required.