Anyway, although the pain has been gone for a while now a couple of things have been really annoying me!
- My reaction to the antibiotics
- The feeling that I was not 'getting' whatever I needed to understand
Not hearing things kept coming up and eventually a few things fitted together and I decided to try and make sure I really did listen, and off I went to work...
First of I went to the supermarket and as I was paying a child cried, which made me jump and reminded me that I was not listening. So I listened and the first thing I heard was a man telling a colleague about how he still had no hearing in one ear and was losing it in the other too now. I almost burst out laughing, which might have been unfortunate... but sometimes synchronicity works so very well!
So filled with certainty that listening was exactly what I needed to do, I went to work. And I listened, I realized that although I was having trouble hearing what people were saying, other noises had gotten much louder. Noises I normally just tuned out and ignored. The forklifts buzzing around, clanging in out of pallets, the noise of hydraulics lifting things, reversing beacons, roller doors, trucks....
I realised I was missing out on being aware of so much of what was going on around me. Of knowing what each vehicle sounds like, and knowing how different drivers sound. So much awareness!
At one point I had to go into the production area where the big machines were clanging and I realised there was a rhythm, almost musical... you could certainly dance to it. And it reminded me that I used to do just that. My Dad's machines were old and moved things around with whirrling arms and suction pads - and they had such beautiful rhythm - and we did dance. I used to jiggle around at the photocopier...
There is music in so many things, if we are listening...
But noise is an odd thing! Another person commented and asked for opinions on reports of sky noise or Unidentified Audible Objects. There are lots of videos on youtube. I am unsure, watching them whether they are genuine or not - they are just too far outside of my experience, but one thing was clear to me - it isn't the noise that is the problem but the context. The sound track and video don't go together, and that's what makes them disturbing.
Because sound is so much a part of our environments. I grew up in an old timber framed house. The wood would expand and contract as it warmed and cooled. So there was a set of warming creaks and a set of cooling creaks. I would lie in bed listening to them, and I felt so much comfort int hem. Just from the little tiny noises, I knew where I was and exactly what was happening. My bedroom was up a fork in the stair case and I knew the noise every stair made as it was stepped on, no one could creep up on me as I slept...
Noise is comforting and communicates how things are working around us, that everything is fine... I don't like the nosies my car makes when I hear them because I always listen to music! If I turn my music off or my car makes a loud noise it makes me quite nervous that something is going wrong! Just because I am unfamiliar... My first car was an ancient Hillman Hunter with no radio and it was a pig of a car! But I knew what it was saying to me and what to do about things...
Recently I have also been party to a couple of conversations - one person saying how they see such and such out but they never say hello. And then such and such saying they see the person but feel bad because they don't hear because they always have their music on. And how often do we have music on as we travel to drown out the noise around us, to keep us separate from other people?
The only bad thing to being more aware is that I am more aware of my tinnitus as well.
And the other annoyance? Well I got an answer there too! In talking about ignoring things I realised I was not dreaming so much and one of the few dreams I had involved Buffalo migrating down out of the mountains to the plain to eat. Except there was not much food so some kind farmers (but not farmers - they were tending but not taking) had scattered sage seed around and the buffalo were eating the young shoots as they grew. Well the discussion reminded me of this dream.
So I looked up Sage and realised it was the perfect herb for me right now... and maybe for longer. Sage has a lot of beneficial effects including improving memory, soothes mucus membranes and reduces swelling so is great for abcesses and tonsilitus as a gargle, reduces dandruff, reduces perspiration, assists with regulating mestrual cycles, assists with drying up milk, helps with hot flushes, compresses are used to slow bleeding, ease headaches, soothe stings and burns... and most importantly for me - it helps with upset stomachs and reduces diarrhoea but drying everything out.
The antibiotics have had a bad effect on my IBS and last week I was only eating after 1 p.m. so I would not be ill at work! There has been nothing wrong with the food I have been eating or with my stomach as such, so this drying effect sounded absolutely perfect - and after two days and two cups of sage tea, it has proven to be EXACTLY what I needed! And all from a dream...
Anyway, I love making progress.... I like understanding and dislike it when I know I am not understanding things.... So all is very good!
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