BIG has been fantastic, it really has. Connie's material is amazing and the group of women I have found myself with are incredible. There is sooo much good feeling and wonderfulness floating around. Connie's further packages sound awesome. The Tribe for a month with a huge resource backlog to enjoy and DEEP an inspiring continuation of BIG, developing our individual FEARLESS voices as artists.
Except...
A little voice is whispering to me and it is saying no.
DEEP is probably very good value for money but it is hugely expensive in real terms. I could afford it for January. I could. If I scrimped over Christmas and my family and food.... I could if I was prepared to be pretty damn poor for the next two months. It might even be that some nice member of my family might give me the means to pay for it as a Christmas present.
But... if that much money fell in to my life right now, would DEEP be the best thing I could spend it on? A new laptop. The tools for making rag rugs. A new wardrobe system so we can stop storing clothes in plastic bags.
I have learnt that I need to focus on one maybe two things at a time. Working means I just don't have the time and energy for more than that. I have spent the last six weeks painting my little heart out. It has been great and I have learnt a lot, it has opened doors inside of me. But is this the path I want to follow further, to the exclusion of other things?
No, not right now. Maybe later. Maybe if I win the lottery and have lots of money and time. Maybe at some other time it will call to me.
What astounds me is that my horoscope for today was talking about having been frivolous with money and how this was a mistake and I needed to see about reversing some of those financial indiscretions. I was stumped for a moment until I remembered the financial indiscretion I was being tempted to make and in that moment it confirmed to me that my answer should be no. But no never has to be final.
I may do DEEP later in the year, but January is not the time for me, unless things change....
2 comments:
aw...that's too bad -- but i certainly understand. it was a stretch for me...but i have a feeling that you get stung by the exchange-rate.
i think i knew you weren't going to carry on....and i'm glad you're happy with the decision. i've seen how BIG has jump-started so much creative goodness for you and i think recognizing that you're moving in a different direction is part of being fearless too...
xoxoxoxo
Quite probably!
Intrigued to know that you knew, but I guess it shouldn't surprise me.... I want to make things, 3 dimensions, not 2.... I can't wait to hear all about your experiences though!
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