Love

This is one of those posts that I really, really hope F does not read. Not because there is anything dreadful here, there are just some things he does not need to know. But if he did read this then, well, that is how it was meant to be *laugh*

Way back when. When I first started this job I have now, I had a dream. A pretty raunchy one. Everyone has them from time to time but this one featured a work colleague. It was something I just ignored. I had no desire to make the dream reality. I barely knew the guy. In fact, at that time, i didn't know him.

As I got to know him, the dream was doomed never to be repeated and certainly not ever become reality. He is an extremely good looking chap with a body he has put a lot of effort in to. I have seen a lot of ladies flirt with him and I don't believe I ever have and I think he appreciates that. He is happily married.

As I got to know him, that surface attraction vanished and was replaced with friendship. I never wanted him, but what hot blooded woman is not going to recognise a rather fine specimen when they see one? But as soon as he became more than a pinup, all gone. The dream was nothing. And that was soooo long ago. Like I say, it didn't worry me.

However, last nights dream did.

With all that has happened at work over the last while, I have become very close to two of my work colleagues. I know and like both of their ladies. I don't fancy either of them. I don't want to do the dirty with them. I don't want to live with them. I just want to work with them and be friends with them.

In this dream, all of strange stuff was going on, including zombies. I was in my parents house and it was now mine. One of my colleagues was there and we were very close in the dream. He stroked my hair. I knew that I loved him.

I woke up knowing that I love him and this absolutely terrified me.

I love F. I loved him the moment I met his eyes. I love living with him. I don't want to ever not be with him. What the hell does realizing you love another man do to that whole thing?

Nothing as it turns out. Becuase as I thought about it, it became very clear that I do not want him to leave his missus for me, or sneak around behind her back. I don't want to live with him. I don't want to kiss him. So why should loving him be a problem?

And then I remembered about how the Romans had several different types of love and words for each.

The first colleague I dreamt about was all lust, no substance. The second colleague is all friendly, brotherly love. F is.... well I love him as I should love the man I am going to marry, the man I want to live with for the rest of my life, my soul mate.

There isn't enough love in the world. I realise I love another man and it terrifies me. Why? Why? Why?

Why are we so focused on eros? Why is our entire society focused towards passion and romance? Why do we have these rammed down our throats?

So I decided that the dream was not a problem, just as I decided the first one was not a problem. It changes nothing. Love should be celebrated. I accept that I feel it, I shall not chase it away, but that feeling changes nothing really. It was there before I realised it was. We should love all our friends, not just the ones that our sexual disposition allows us to love without causing 'complications' due to our societies obsession with romance and passion......

Love you all! *hugs*