Ruler

A while back, when I was being a good little dreamer and recording all my dreams and analysing them to, I had a dream (*laugh*). Before sleeping I had asked the question why my energy levels are so bad, which I had always assumed was linked to my glandular fever and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome of earlier years. I was a bit bemused to get the answer back as something along the lines as, 'we didn't realise, we hadn't noticed, we shall sort it out'. very bemused.

This sort of response poses some interesting questions to me as well.... Are the beings that answered, my higher conscious, my spirit guides, spirits that surround me, some part of the universal spirit or what? How can they have access to all that information but not know everything?

But anyway, this was months and months ago and I kind of discounted it because I have been tired for so long and all the other things that go with it.....

But the thing is, change has been creeping in, slowly, oh so slowly.... Around the time of Christmas and the Solstice, something clicked over in my head and the depression, malaise, feeling of slight sorrow, that has often dogged my heals, just seemed to dissapate. Something changed in there and I am free. Not that it was a strong depression, although at bad times in my life it had been but it gently lingered but now... *shrug*

Then there is the way I always feel cold, always. I would be wearing a jumper in the middle of Summer (almost). This year I have been too hot most nights to wear anything for weeks and at work I find myself sitting there wearing a t-shirt under my works top or a vest, but no jumper most of the time. I bought thick wooly arm warmers to wear to keep my arms warm a couple of years back and here I am with bare arms and not feeling cold most of the time. I have felt cold for years.

Then there is sleep. I would religously go to bed at ten. Have done for years. Always needed to and ten has been a compromise between living enough life and getting enough sleep. but recently I have found that F is spending more time chatting to me at bed time and my sleep time is slipping and it doesn't matter. Last night it got to ten and I said to him, I don't want to go to bed, so he said well don't then. So i didn't and I still woke before seven this mornig without my alarm.

One of the first symptoms I got, before things got really bad was aching knees and sometimes other joints. I had it for a few years and then it mostly went away. But now that symptom is back. The same feeling. Same places.

I am sure I read somewhere that as a body releases a virus it runs backwards through the acquisition of symptoms. So the first symptoms you gained are the last you lose. Does this mean that the insidious virus that has ruled my body and so much of my life is leaving, packing it's bags up and truly going?

Change is creeping in. Slow. Gradual. But changes are occuring within my body.....