I have been thinking a lot about some things recently. Looking at shamanism has got me curious about soul retrieval. It seems an odd concept. In fact much of shamanism seems odd when you first come across or if you come across without some sort of something - an introduction, a key, some chink of understanding to start you on the way. For me that was Supernatural by Graham Hitchcock. Without that book I wouldn't be as comfortable and accepting of some of the stuff about shamanism as I am now reading. I found Supernatural a very challenging book. I had to put it down a fair few times and think.
Not that he covered Supernatural but that book was a key that opened a door. I am in a big room now with many books and small windows giving glimpses of other rooms I have yet to visit... All with more books. But anyway. The books I have been reading have not touched much upon Soul Retrieval, yet, but I know they will. I know a little about it already, a brief outline....
The events of our lives can strip us of small pieces of our soul. Or disconnect us from them. Trauma is what does this to us in many ways, the thousand tiny cuts and the hatchet in the head.
And the way that synchronicity works.... My Mother is low key Christian, a slightly lapsed church attendee. Not fanatical in any way. I have no idea how her faith rests inside her, whether she is a Christian because it is her upbringing or because it is her community, or if her faith sings quietly inside her. It matters not to me. But she is not someone I would expect to give me a jolt of soul retrieval synchronicity....
We were talking at the weekend and she said to me that I had never been as light hearted and fun since my breakdown in my teens, that I had become so much more serious and it was nice to see me regaining some of that old me....
*sigh*
Another part of my soul lost then. And how many other times has a piece been misplaced? Maybe a small piece so that no one would notice it's lack, maybe an occasional thought, a noting of a change but no more...
I remember losing another piece. One day when I was growing up my laugh changed. My laugh always sounded a little false after, it wasn't the same joyous sound. I remember my Mum and Sister asking me as we were on our way in to town one day following some laughter, why my laugh was sounding different today. I just shrugged my shoulders and proclaimed I had lost my laugh.
Part of me sits here now crying for my laugh.
I lost my anger too, for many a long year because I was too young to control rage and I hated that feeling.... So I controlled it completely....
So many pieces of me. Some chopped off by others, others in response to how others interacted to me.
I have been working so long on regaining pieces of myself. I think I have done a good job with some of them. I made a home for them within myself and eventually they crept back as they realised they were welcome.... My anger.... My creativity.... more recently, much of my good cheer....
Maybe some piece of myself I have lost is responsible somehow for my weight problem. What is it I need to make a home for within myself in order to start to sort out this problem?
I have so much to learn
6 comments:
*sigh*
i hear this....
i feel like i've retrieved a lot of my soul-bits in the last few years...most of them i gave away because i didn't know i was entitled to hang onto them...
the rest..who knows? perhaps it's like you say and the small things go unnoticed.
but we've come a long way, yes?
xoxox
Oh yes mel! Lots of little steps add up to a hell of a journey... and the more we 'know' the more we see there is to learn eh.
& today at http://juliemitchellspiritfigures.blogspot.com/ is this...
When did you stop dancing?
When did you stop singing?
When did you stop believing?
When did you stop loving?
When did you stop being enchanted by stories?
When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?"
- Gabrielle Roth
Amy Tan said, "I did not lose myslef all at once. I rubbed out my face over the years, washing away my pain the same way carvings on a stone are worn down by water." I related to this so clearly for so many years. I used to say to my counsellor, "I can't see my self." I had disappeared to myself. Very scary. I have some writing on around my wall just below the ceiling and one of the sayings is "sing you wandering soul back home". I did quite a bit of reading on shamanism at one time and wished I knew someone who help with sould retrieval. I can so relate to what you are saying and wish you well in find all the pieces of yourself and putting them back together again. It's kind of being broken into a hundred different pieces and trying to put yourself back together again. What I realized is that I would never be the same again but could put myself back together in a different way.
Love and *hugs* to you on this journey of retrieval.
I think we have too few shaman in western society for sure. Maybe even too few shaman in the world right now, thanks to western society. I think the tide is turning though, my heart tells me this. Maybe the tide has just turned for me....
Such a heart-felt piece, Rose.
Soul retrieval is a really interesting subject. Painful at times. hey, I know we talked about it before.
I think it's good to recognise the parts of yourself that have been lost, or that you have separated yourself from.
But I think it's also important to acknowledge to yourself that you did that for a good reason at the time. It was part of your coping mechanism; it was all your Self had available to choose from, for it's survival... or at least, that's what your Self believed at the time. Maybe now you can see that there were more choices available to you than you thought. Maybe there were not.
It is also worth considering, perhaps, if part of what you were discarding or losing was a 'socialized' part of you that really wasn't truly part of your authentic Self. As we get older, we learn to be more true to ourselves, right? And to stop trying to morph ourselves into awkward shapes simply to please others. This usually affects our direct family the most.
I guess what I mean is, maybe your Mother felt sad at the loss of that part of yourself, but maybe you have been moving past that to find the real you. So maybe it is your real True Self that you are abandoning now if you don't stand up for that part of you in the here and now.
Oh dear. Does that make any sense? I hope it doesn't sound like I'm preaching at you. Take what you like, and discard the rest. Well, you already know that.
I have this a lot, with my family and close friends. Particularly over my weight or my appearance. They mean well, but it is easier for them if I am not so fat. And they prefer it if I dress a certain way (to look nice), wear make-up, get manicures etc. I realized that the sadness I was feeling was not my own, about myself, but like a reverse projection from the disappointment that I felt I was causing them.
Now I'm getting too confused! Ha. Must stop.
Sorry for rambling on!!
xx
I am a Libra. I think all of these things are true for me. I have so many me's! I have way too many planets in Libra! *laugh*
Some parts are socialised parts others not. I used to be one of those sparkly little children who used to wonder off to chat with adults. I used to scare the beejessus out of my folks. It was right that my parents stop me doing that but now it is right for me to reclaim that part of me too....
I know all these things were done for good reasons. Once an old colleague did a thing with me where I spoke to my anger, a part I got rid of at about the age of 9 or 10. I got it back when I was 19 or 20. My anger was so sad and so caring. I remember being so surprised. It's desire was only to protect me.
I get the thing about weight and appearance as well, I so do....
Ramble away, rambles are always fun!
XXX
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