Grief

The things that you know are coming can sometimes take a long time to come, but they come all the same, whether you want them to or not. Slow or fast, the coming is inexorable. Like a boot, held against your head, you know it is going to come down and that when it does it will hurt.

For nearly two months we have been expecting this call. S has lost a loved one this evening. He just called F and asked if he could come stay for a bit. I am about to go to bed. The weekend has 12 hour days and early starts but it really does not matter. I am proud of S, proud of the way he has organised his life recently to deal with such difficulty with the utmost love and care.

So here he is, coming to stay. He has chosen to be here. F has called his work and won't be going in tomorrow and he was home this weekend anyway. I think it is a good thing I am working, they will have space and time to be just father and son. Shooting things on the Xbox no doubt.

I feel very sad. Of everyone S could lose, I think this is the worst person. They were nice to me once, when they had no reason to be, in fact they went against their own kin to be nice. A good person has gone and S's life will never be the same again.

I can not help but wonder what this will mean for the shifting sands of S's care and how his choices will vary from here. Life is changing for all of us.