The Key

I left work feeling tired and annoyed. Having done very little all afternoon, my Boss returned from a meeting with lots of queries for me to sort out. We made a start but it got to home time and there was no way I wanted to stay. I was offered overtime but made my excuses and left.

But I was cross. I was cross because I felt bad about not staying, because I felt put upon, because I would much rather I had just not been asked.

It got me thinking on the way home. About emotions and the morals we gain from religions etc. I have this wierd little triangle of thoughts. Contradictory thoughts. It goes like this.

It is good to be good. Negative emotions are bad. What we think and dream is a reflection of us. We must think good and nice things and dream good and nice things. This leads to repression. Repression is bad and has a negative effect on us.

Where does all this desire for goodliness come from. It comes from school and the Christianity that was taught there. But I don't believe all that. I believe in balance. but where does negative things being bad fit in to balance? Then throw in a few things about enlightenment, and you end up with a whole confusing mess about 'negative' emotions?

What exactly is the right thing to do with them? Are we really allowed to let them all out? How does society view us when we do? Not that well exactly... Particularly in women. We let it out during our moon time and we all know what words have come from the relationship of moons and sanity.

I have real issues with where I fit within all these conflicting viewpoints. Is making a voodoo doll a good or a bad way of dealing with anger? It lets the emotions out but it isn't exactly nice is it? or good? not an enlightened sort of a way to behave!

So what am I supposed to with them? What set or morals do I actually believe in? Scientifically and psychologically and acceptable by society?

(and possibly slightly insane *sigh* night)