Dream Job

So last night, I asked my dreams to tell me life purpose. I think that was asking too much - too much information - more than is currently available. Instead i got information on the underlying question - about my job.

I dreamt I was jobless and I got a job in a local fishing shop on Saturday evenings. Only I knew nothing about fishing and no one much came in, so I sat on my butt while my new Boss served the sole customer - mudskunk lures or some such that I knew nothing about.

So the following week I turn up to see my Boss as I had heard nothing and he sacked me cos I had done nothing and was exceedingly unimpressive.

My cousin came to visit and wanted to go fishing so I took him to a lake. At some point my cousin turned into my love, who was local and part of fishing circles locally. This meant I got to socialise with my old Boss, around a camp fire eating fondue and he glowered at me a lot.

So it goes like this, every phrase and word is separated and examined for it's isolated meaning, these are then strung together and the message can be extracted....

So jobless = without purpose, fishing shop job = dull opportunity, saturday evening = gets in the way of other good things in life, not very busy = serves little purpose, sat there most of the shift = achieves little. This all turns into - Lacking in purpose, my current opportunity is dull and gets in the way of good things and achieves little.

Each part of the dream or dreams seems to form a sentence. The other three sentences are as follows - I am dutiful but lack support and am unsuited to what I do and then feel not good enough. Searching for nature, creativity, spirit and family. I may not feel like I belong, may face adveristy in trying to belong but through my love I will make connections and gain community and warmth.

Soooo I still loathe my job, i still feel stuck. While last nights dream gives me hope for the future it does not tell me what to do, what I should be doing. There are no answers here, a gentle hug maybe. I guess I am not meant to know the answers yet. I guess it isn't time to leave yet, but I so wish it was.

I should have gone to work this afternoon really - the snow stopped and melted a little. The roads were probably quiet. I am sure that I am going to get some frowning when I do next go in. I didn't achieve much staying home either. I ate some of the stew I made yesterday and surfed the net a little, oh and cleared down my Sky+.....

All I gained was some guilt and anxiety about tomorrow.... I have no answers.

I have always felt that I was supposed to stay in this job for some reason, that the time had not come to leave - how will I know when it is? Will my dreams tell me? Will my heart tell me?