Flames That Burn

I started writing a post about the LP. About my frustration. About my general confusion as to why. About my hurt. About my sorrow.

I thought we were friends. I honestly did. Monday first thing, I would have she was trustworthy and a good person. It seems I was wrong on all those points. I knew she was naive and that is still true. It seems she expected to do what she did and still expect us to feel comfortable with her. We don't, we feel we have to watch every word. If she chooses not to join in general office chit chat, that is not our fault. I guess I really did not see the extent of her self-centred hypocrisy. I guess it suited her to be my friend for a while.

She left early today but generally it was a miserable and stressful day. She has done this. To us and herself. And I am sad and unhappy. How long is this going to take to settle down? Where do we go from here? I wonder if long term, we can all work together. Us three form such an uncomfortable triangle. One of us is the Boss, another has alienated her colleagues and then there is me.

I came home and painted, painted to express something sparked. I choose red, yellow, orange, pinky purple and blue and somehow as I painted it all turned red. So I scratched in flames. Then the painting told me phoenix, so I drew a phoenix, wings spread, beak skyward. Then I realised the phoenix was singing. Then I felt spent. My emotions and the paint have told me things I did not expect - a message. I will rise from the flames, I will sing. All shall be fine. For the birth of a phoenix is a joyful thing.

I gave LP a second chance after all the events of last year. I guess I was not wrong in what I thought last year and I am not wrong about my Boss.... I guess this is both of them at their very worst. I hope that their very best starts to shine through soon.... or they become a part of my past rather than my present or future.