My funny mood of the day never went away. Indecisive and not very easy. Uncomfortable. Depressive. My horoscope warned me of this and also advised me not to allow the mood to let me miss opportunities. I think I did.
We could have gone out but I avoided it like the plague. I felt low and tired and icky.
In my continuing discomfort of the day I finally pulled a couple of cards and I got the Heron and the Rabbit. The Fear Caller, one of my totems, is all about dwelling on the negative and calling it to you. The Heron is a mirror and helps us find our truth by looking at our feelings, getting stuck is a sign of being over-critical, blaming life or others is a sign of lack of courage.
Today I didn't have the strength to live life. Am I being hard on myself over it? No idea. Somedays it feels hard. Are these days caused by my own fear? Or are they caused by my lack of energy? The last few days have been so full and last weekend was a full one to, maybe today was a kick back from that growth? Maybe I am just tired, maybe it was just too much.
The only thing that is certain is that tomorrow is another day and I have learnt from experience that sleep is what clears these moods when they come. Tomorrow I will feel differently.
I suffered from depression, sometimes related to my Chronic Fatigue, sometimes related to a bad relationship and it's after effects. I became pretty agrophobic at one point and eventually had a nervous breakdown at 21. One thing I learnt from all that is that everything changes, things can not stay the same, and this was a great comfort. If you hit rock bottom, and believe me I was there, any lower and I would not be here today, knowing that things will change, really understanding that, becomes a comfort. Time takes things and distance helps, time gives distance.
So I know that tomorrow, is really, another day.
2 comments:
Hope you feel better soon, these down times can really be a drag but often they are the times we are doing the most emotional work. Hugs***
remember to think of these times as 'deepenings'...i would say that yes, you've had a spell of rapid progress and now it's time to sit with that and let it take root. We often criticize ourselves for these 'down' times when really, they're so very necessary....replenishing, really.
that said, i'm awfully hard on myself during times like you describe and keep thinking i ought to be *doing* something...it's when I'm on the other side of it that I can see how far I actually came...
love...xo
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