Walk on the Outside

I feel very sad right now.

I made a decision to leave the Guild I belong to with in World of Warcraft. I have had much fun there and have friends, good ones. There is two reasons really....

I had a good friend within World of Warcraft but old arguments refuse to die with him and two much ill feeling has grown between us for us to remain friends. I had distanced myself but he does not seem to be able to leave F and I entirely alone as he picked a fight with F this last weekend.

I also have found that the guild I am, soon to be not in, requires too much commitment to playing and I am just not feeling up to that level of commitment.

But I am sad.... It brings up old things..... Am I doing the right thing? this is a pattern I recognise within myself.

When I split with a boyfriend, I would tend to ditch any mutual friends as well. I would leave them to him and walk alone in to the future, taking only the friends with me who were truly mine alone. I have walked through life, leaving places and people behind me. I didn't have the self confidence I guess to cling to them, or is that lack of self confidence? I have no idea. but those people didn't try and keep me either....

I have no idea if this is a good pattern or not...

I have not closed the door though and I have not left, yet. I have slung no mud at people, although I have summarised stuff to the guy in charge and tried to keep the mud to a minimum in the process, at least it is private mud.

I am hoping that at some time in the future I may feel able to go back and be welcome to do so. Is that progress?

If this is a good decision, why do i feel like crying?