The feelings of last night are still running through me. I slept funny last night and had odd dreams. I don't feel rested or joyful this morning but I do feel calmer. The storm has abated a little but is still there brewing away.
Just before bed I did a quick reading, just two cards, one for the masculine and one for the feminine. The masculine pulled the snake and the feminine the frog. A really interesting pairing, transmutation and cleansing. i don't feel these two cards are at odds with each other.
The snake is an interesting card and different to how I imagined. The snake is a rare and powerful totem and I am glad it is not mine. Snakes have the power to transmute all poisons and that it seems is what I must do now, I must take this thing that is getting to me and turn it into something else, something better.
The frog is all about cleansing and also a bit about transformation as well. Letting go in a more gentle way than the snake. Taking time and space to breath.
I know things are flowing from me here. It occurs to me that the child inside me liked being alone to climb trees, catch grasshoppers amongst the tall grasses, read books, draw, build dens. The problem was my child was too much alone and didn't meet others like her.
Maybe if I had gone to a bigger school, maybe there would have been others. Maybe not. In fact really, it is only through this wonderful land of blog that I have met many like me (though of course all rather different). Before this online adventure began, I only knew of one and an acquaintance from years before and I reconnected via facebook and discovered we were kindred spirits as well... So two, sort of.
Not good odds for me to find one like me at school really. Although looking on facebooks uggests that one or two people were like me and I never knew.... One girl in the year below has definitely walked an alternative path. I used to play with her and sometimes went to her house and rode her horse. But she was the year below.
Age is a powerful separator for the young. It should not be. This is what caused most of my problems. I had friends, just not with me in my year group. Both older and younger.
Even now, with my old college friends, I walk with the group but I am separate, I always was..... I had other groups of friends as well and walked several paths at the same time. My magpie blood and probably a bit of coyote too.
Oh and I know my ninth animal too... i always did... but that will have to come after work....
1 comment:
I can relate to your feeling of walking alone. I have always felt like that, even in my own family. I have lived a very unconventional life and even now am pretty much a loner. Having moved so many times I have lost any sense of connection. I have, in the past ten years begun to embrace that and realize that aloneness is not a bad thing and needs to be embraced to develop my creativity. Dark moods are so uncomfortable but are often the times we learn the most about ourselves. **HUGS**
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